Heartbroken Losing My Soul Mate

[blimbo]

Hi I need some advice on a relationship I have been in which has been on and off for 12 years all those years ago I met the love of my life I saw her gorgeous smile and it was love t first sight not only for me but her as well we got together as first girlfriend and boyfriend but unfortunately split up 6 months later this really hurt as we were both like soul mates. The reason for this I believe is her mother driving a wedge between us and not wanting to lose her daughter. When my mum spoke to her mother she told my mother really nastily we would never get back together. 11 years on we have been the best of friends and spent many quality hours on the phone and seeing one another and enjoying every moment spent in each other company. However she is now in her late 20’s and last year we once again got into a relationship again she asked me this time I was worried as remember how hurt I was last time but she said we are older it will be different but she did outline there would be no sex until after marriage which I was fine with. This girl is the true love of my life and throughout our 11 month relationship I felt like I wasn’t just dating my girlfriend but her mum as well I felt like I was doing wrong if I didn’t invite her mum to everything we did together otherwise her mum would get upset then upset my girlfriend and I would be in the wrong my girlfriend works very hard alongside her mum too they are together 24/7 her mum said to me she thought of me as a son and she wanted us to get back together however I feel she soon realized her mistake as we spent more and more time together her mum got more and more funny about how much we were talking and spending time together so much so when my parents came to meet up with them she has a massive go at my mum saying she cannot believe I am still on the scene after 11yrs and her daughter can do better then me I didn’t know who to believe when this happened as I didn’t want to upset my gfs mum or my gf. My gf has told me her mother can be unstable at times and I have witnessed this myself a few times and I do feel really sorry for my gf just yesterday she phoned me up and said she cannot cope anymore with all the upset and she has become a extremely sad person and all I keep doing it insulting and upsetting her? Yes we have had a few miscommunications over the phone but I am a softy I would never want to harm anyone or insult them she was the love of my life could never do that in a million years to her. Every time I “insulted” her I always felt someone was fuelling the fire the other end and I am sure it was her mum I have no proof of this but I just have this feeling I asked her if there was a chance of us ever getting back together she said its never going to happen and it is breaking her heart to break up with me again but she still wants to spend the same amount of time with me and phones calls but just be best friends? I really don’t understand if I have insulted her so bad and been such a awful person why does she still want to be friends with me I have asked her this question she hasn’t replied. I feel awful at the moment I feel like I have lost everything and feel completely useless my mum says to me she swears its her mother the cause of all this as every time she saw us together my gf was absolutely besotted with me and just lovingly stared at me all the time I am absolutely gutted and just wish I could sort this all her friends think she is crazy to lose me as no one else would put up with all the stuff I have yes there was a few times I might have got a bit moody because I wanted some alone time with her and her mother was always there and I had travelled for 3 hours to go and see her and felt I couldn’t get a kiss or a cuddle as it would upset her mum and make her jealous. In the end I felt like I was becoming jealous of her mum she would go and hold her mums hand in front of me and I would be left walking behind If we ever kissed her cuddled she would have to check her mum was out of the room it just felt like we were sneaking about. I know this is a very unusual relationship but when I said to her I cant believe u have done this to me again she told me it was me who had done this I am absolutely gutted I don’t think I could have loved and supported anyone anymore then I could have forever buying her gifts when I worked away telling her I love her all the time buying her roses every time I saw her I really don’t feel I will ever get over this.

I feel like I need therapy to get over this from some of the problems she told me her mother had been through and she always feels everyone is out to get her sometimes I felt she thought I was too but all I could do was love her and try to protect her. Some of the problems she told me used to play on my mind and I think in the end I was becoming slightly paranoid as well thinking I was rushing things too fast and used to beat myself up about it. I am so worried she is going to end up on her own and not cope she is a very emotional person and told me she would never be able to cope if anything ever happened to her mum. She would never admit in a million years this is anything to do with her mum however when she has less time for her mum her mum threatens to do something stupid and if I said anything she would never speak to me again. Her father is the nicest guy in the world but I can see exactly how he feels sometimes being left on the outside as they both thinks he hates them and doesn’t love them but I know for a fact he loves them both to bits. I wish it was easy for me to just walk away from this but my feelings are too strong. I also have a feeling she might not like the fact i have just been prescribed anti depresents.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Am I going crazy?

[Cerby]

I don't believe in Soul Mates, but if I did, this wouldn't be my definition of it.

You aren't working, and Soul Mates work, whether they have disagreements or not. Time to evaluate what you REALLY want, because this girl isn't it. I mean come on, her mom is getting in your way...what is she, 14?