Has he really finished with me or is he just fuming?

[Anna1408]

Hi everyone.

I've been in a long distance relationship with a guy for almost a year. He has always acted very in love with me and usually emails me several times a day and chats with me whenever he can on gmail, FB, etc.

But during that time we have had about 5 big rows (usually because of his unreasonable jealousy) where he has ended up finishing with me (blocking me from gmail etc). Usually he has only managed to keep that up for 5-10 days and then he comes back to me wanting to start again. However a week ago I exploded at him and I have to say a lot of it was my fault. He was trying to explain how to do something on the computer and I was slow to understand. My slowness to learn has made him impatient before but this time my confidence went and when he moaned about it, I just lost my head and said I was sick of everyone telling me I was like that. I really let rip at him and then angrily signed out. When I returned to my laptop that night I found a message in my FB saying. "Go to hell. You were bullshit tonight." Also he left another one saying "You are not my slave. You are free." In my gmail I found two emails saying "Bullshit." I said to him he was really rude and told him not to speak to me ever again. However I didn't expect him to actually go ahead with it! The next day I found myself deleted from his gmail and blocked from his FB.

I have a good friend who I have no romantic connection with at all, but who my guy is very jealous of. The morning after the row I had a chat with him and I joined his anti vivisection page on FB. I didn't friend him because my guy is so jealous. But in the evening my friend pinged me in gmail and told him that my guy had tried to friend him (my guy doesn't know him personally and has no idea my friend knows of our relationship). He had done it from an FB created just hours before, at about the time he had blocked me from gmail. Clearly he had created the new account to stalk me and once he found I had joined my friend's page, to spy on him also to see what was going on. My friend had said "do we know each other?" to which there was no reply and so he denied the friend request. He was shocked by this and said my guy is "sick". However I was a bit relieved because it proved my guy was secretly still interested in me.

But all week I have heard nothing from him.

The day before yesterday I emailed my guy saying how sad I was without him. He answered saying "we will be joined soon." But when I replied "Take care he said"You told me not to speak to you so you are the one who must decide if we talk." I replied that I was sorry and hadn't meant what I said. He ignored that email. So yesterday I sent him another email saying "R u there?" He immediately replied yes he was, but when I said "I love you" he said. "Better you forget me. My new "wife" and "girlfriend" is my project (he has this project he is very interested in and which I have supported him with in the past). I told him that ok I understood and I wouldnt bother him any more. He told me to get lost. I said that was very hurtful and he said "You have brought this on yourself. Now don't bother me." I said "Ok I'll go. I thought that you loved me but obviously I was wrong." His final message was "get lost."

I will now leave him alone but I feel devastated. This is the guy who, just the morning before the argument emailed me a picture of a woman in a wedding dress and the email was titled "Is this the dress you will wear?". This is the guy who shared everything with me and took photos wherever he went so he could send them to me through the day. The guy who even though we weren't married said he thought of me as his "wife". When I was unable to be online a couple of weeks ago he got all panicky and when I returned he said he felt a "big emptiness" without me.

What I want to know is, has he really finished with me for good or is he just fuming?

Thanks

[michelle23]

I read the first paragraph. This relationship is not working. long distance rarely ever does! What is wrong with local guys? I suggest you stop wasting your time and move on

[Anna1408]

Thanks Michelle,

I understand what you mean about long distance relationships but the thing is we normally get on very well together. This time I just lost my temper and I could have done that in a relationship with a local guy also.

[Wakeup]

first you said this:

The next day I found myself deleted from his gmail and blocked from his FB.

then you said this:

The day before yesterday I emailed my guy saying how sad I was without him.

So Which is it? How could you email him if he blocked you on FB and gmail? Is your telling of the tale timing just off or...

If you're even for real, you're foolish for wasting your time with a guy who you never see yet you still can't get along with. You're both missing something from within if you feel you need to stay connected to each other when you obviously are so incompatible.

What exactly are you getting from this so called 'relationship' that keeps you signing it to recieve his abuse? Ridiculous!

[TablesandChairs]

You guys are barely getting along now - it would be worse if you were actually together. Thus far, you have some sort of online fantasy, only it's not so much a fantasy given all the 'bullshits' and 'get losts'. Blocking each other, insulting each other, being overly jealous...all of these are bad signs. How people handle arguments is very telling...

Are you unable to let this go because your life is online and you're a bit lonely? I think you need to log out and start getting out more - this guy doesn't sound that great and if you think about why you lost it at him, you'll probably find reasons. It's silly to be talking marriage and all that before meeting - that's the kind of stuff kids do and there's not a lot of substance behind it.

[Anna1408]

Sorry I meant he had deleted me from gmail chat. the emails I could still use.

[Anna1408]

Because, Wakeup, I get on very well with him at other times and we have a lot in common. We are very compatible most of the time. It's just these moments that we have that mess it all up.

[Anna1408]

I think Tablesandchairs that you're right in a way. I think if I lived with him it would be like now. We'd have a lovely relationship most of the time but with these dramatic arguments here and there. I think I do have to admit that.

[Wakeup]

Sorry I meant he had deleted me from gmail chat. the emails I could still use.

What is the point of that?

So you get on well when you're not abusing one another? Great. Any reason why you don't just bite the bullet and stop talking to him so that eventually, when you're over your addiction to typing your life away you can find a man that you can see, touch, smell, kiss, have open communication face-to-face with and actually have a REAL life with?

Why are you afraid of men? You are, or you'd find your silly typing relationship as boring and actually useless as it really is. To add insult to ingury, you don't even type to one another amicably. Nonsense.

Adding:

Has he really finished with me or is he just fuming?

For your sake, and because you're too weak to see the waste of your time this so called relationship is, I hope he's really finished with you.

Sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear but it is in your own best interests that he be finished with you.

[michelle23]

How often do you actually see each other? How long distance is this? Will either of you be moving in the next year to be with the other? If no, then how are you going to make this work long term?

Its very easy to say "we get a long well and have loads in common" BUT realistically, do you and he have a future? Its silly and pointless to stay in this relationship if you cannot see yourself being face-face with him a lot in the near future. If most of your communication is done on line and there is no actually physical relationship, then its only a matter of time before one of you starts craving more.

With long distance relationships, its almost impossible to keep the emotional connection and physical intimacy strong which are the two main things you need to keep your love going. Sooner or later one of you will have an emotional affair or meet someone else who ticks all the boxes that lives near by and that's it-game over.

Plus if you fought with a local bf, it would be far easier to resolve it without being blocked and having no contact for 3 or 4 days. You could knock on his door and say "I'm sorry" and kiss and makeup the next day. How can you do that if he is miles away?

[Anna1408]

Actually Wakeup I'm not afraid of men and have never had a problem finding real life relationships at all and I'm certainly not lonely,as has been implied here. It's just that I happened to get on well with this person and we fell in love. I think in a lot of relationships people have problems here and there. If he's finished with me then so be it but I don't know what the big deal is about people falling for each other on the internet. It happens to a lot of people these days. Obviously you can't touch etc but you can see and talk to each other if you want on videochat and you can plan to meet each other for real.

[Wakeup]

Well, in this case its a fking waste of your's and his time. Obviously! .. and .. No, you do not get on well with him. Like I said, you dodn't even live near one another and you're breaking up and blocking one another ad nauseum. pffft.

Carry on... your life. ... or ... is this a cultural/arranged situation where its not really your life?

[Boisdevie]

Obviously you can't touch etc but you can see and talk to each other if you want on videochat and you can plan to meet each other for real.

Excellent. But here's another alternative. I have a girlfriend in real life. I was with her the other day. We slept in each others arms. You can't do that via webcam, skpe or other internetty bullshite can you?

You are wasting your time. And you don't even get along with this dimwit in the ether-world do you? Pathetic.