The Tokyo Woman was a Dream! She slashed me..

[mimi1184]

Ok, before I share the sad news, I implore you to visit this thread since it is related to this one. In fact, it's a follow up to the story with that Tokyo woman I met earlier this year:
loveforum.net/threads/79220-A-trip-to-Tokyo-turned-to-be-more-of-a-thrilling-love-story-Please-help-me-out!!!!!?highlight=

Anyways, after nearly half year now, we got finally to a closed door. First we didn't talk for a whole month and now when I wanted things to flow back hoping to meet her in Tokyo next month, she replied to me with this:

"If you want to talk again and resume our relation, could you consider me only as your friend? If yes, we can continue talking and also we can meet when you visit Tokyo". These were her words to me. She said she don't wanna lose me as a great friend because that'll make her suffer.. she said she think I'm so sincere and she don't wanna cut contact with me.

I felt sad. I think I have strong feelings for her, but now I'm hoping deep in my heart that those feelings are just sort of infatuation and nothing more. If not, and if I really realize that I love her that much, it can't be helped but to break our friendship since I can't see her as a friend if I'm in love with her.

That's what I told her, I told her it's 50-50. I need to meet you to realize if I love you in real or not, but I promissed her that I'll treat like a friend even if I had feelings for you, so she can't feel embarrassed.

My question for you guys is, now that is confirmed she has no feelings for me, theoretically, can I still have a chance to win her heart in the future? "That's if I love her in real".

In your opinion, why she still wants me as a friend when she still knows that I love her very much. "Well she said me once that she is in love with a guy that is religious, and she is religious as well (but she seemed confused when she said he is close and far from her heart at the same time). She said it's complicated.

What should I do?

I'd appreciate your help so much guys.

Thank you in advance.

[basilandthyme]

It's very unlikely that she'll change her mind. Thing is, she'd have to be open to the idea of wanting you as more than a friend - but having told you that she's not interested, I'd say the door is closed.

As for why she still wants you as a friend when she knows you love her? It's because she's selfish. She'd rather see you suffer in unrequited love than stop having you as a friend.

[Cerby]

theoretically, can I still have a chance to win her heart in the future? "That's if I love her in real".

Theoretically, yes. Anything is possible. The question is more of "Is it worth it?". There is a lot of emotional investiture into making someone fall for you who isn't there already, and the outcome is likely to be bad anyways. The best bet is to distance yourself and try to find something that works for you, with someone who wants to be with you.

[VerticalMoon]

It's highly unlikely you would be able to win her over at this point. Once a woman has made up her mind that she's not interested or that you're just a friend, it becomes a turn-off if you continue to try. It's as though you weren't listening to what she wanted. Having you chase us at that point is just annoying. I did end up changing my mind about the guy who's now my husband after he'd liked me for a while before. It actually helped that he wasn't chasing me anymore. He was just lucky that I got older and changed what I was looking for in a guy. If he had tried to win me over or even waited around for me, I would probably have been less interested in him.

She's okay with still being your friend because she can ignore your feelings and just enjoy the friendship. She's not the one with the strong feelings or the frequent thoughts, so your feelings are much less of a burden to her than they are to you. You need to decide if you can be happy being just her friend, or if you are happier without her in your life. Base the decision on what's best for you. Don't worry about her feelings when you make the decision because hers aren't as strong.

[smackie9]

I remember your thread from way back. Like I said before she loves you but isn't in love with you. It's been months, and she doesn't want you back as her bf....truly you need to give this up.

[Valixy]

OP, if you haven't travelled from Osaka to Tokio to visit her again since March it's no wonder she became distant, lost interest and wants to finish the relationship. If this is indeed the case (your text is a bit unclear to me), she must have been pretty disappointed too.