I wish I knew if we could be more than friends again....

[Falls2Easily]

About 12 years ago in high school, my best friend's sister had a crush on me. I thought she was cute, but didn't think much else of her. I didn't really know much about her. But I gave it a shot and started to talk to her, and we dated for about a year. She grew on me, and I fell in love with her really hard. I was really close with the whole family, and her parents and grandparents and brothers all considered me family. Then one day her parents started to divorce and she was going through hard times, and some reason she broke up with me. Till this day it's not clear why, we were both young and dumb I guess. But I was hurt really bad. I never stopped caring about her or loving her.

We stayed friends over all these years. Talked every now and then about random things like relationships and life. We both would discuss our failed relationships, because that is what we seem to have in common. Recently her and I both have been through some bad heartbreaks, and we both are losing confidence and stuff. We also have been talking about how all our friends are getting married and starting families, and we both are about that age where we want to do the same, but we both can't find or keep a partner long enough. She seems to always mention finding a best friend and getting married and starting a family, it seems to be the only thing that will make her happy right now.

Anyway, recently her last boyfriend just bailed on her, right after she just bought a condo ( a big step in her life ). She was/is depressed, and worried about her future, and doing the whole home owner thing alone... I hated seeing her depressed and hurt, so I stepped in to be the best friend anyone can have. I offered to help her with a few things she needed help with, and I've just been there for her, trying to cheer her up (even though I am still pretty depressed because of something that happened to me recently). So this past week her and I have been doing some renovation on her condo, spending a little time together (first time in a lonnng time), doing DIY projects, I have been teaching her a lot of things, and just helping her. Trying to make her laugh, and give her confidence, and bring her to a better state of mind. I had dedicated a lot of my time and energy on a project for her, and when it was done she couldn't have been happier. She loved it. She even offered to have dinner, drinks, and a movie when she got all her furniture in her place.

While spending a couple days with her, I couldn't help but fall in love with her. She is so beautiful in every way, it drives me crazy. But, she is still getting over her ex boyfriend. I see she needs time and space. But I am still not sure if I am just in a friend zone, or if she might be interested in me, and that drives me nuts too. I don't want to ask because I don't want to ruin our friendship, or push her away. It's too soon anyway... I just wish I knew if she was still attracted to me or likes me more than a friend...

We have been texting each other every day this whole week. She would go shopping for furniture and send me pictures of things asking my opinion and if I liked them, etc., almost like she was my wife and I was helping her decorate our house. She has been texting me almost every morning when she wakes up to tell me to have a nice day at work, or just to talk about dreams she had. I told her that when she texts me in the morning she makes my day, and I smile from ear to ear. She laughed and said it was no problem. I actually apologized to her once because I was texting her a lot, and she said "why are you apologizing? I text you all the time too!". Which is true, she has been texting me just as much... At one point I told her she has been on my mind a lot. I have been flirting with her a little bit, hinting... I'm not sure she has been flirting back? I can't tell. I had a bad day one day, and she said "cheer up buttercup, I got a little surprise for you next time I see you!". I haven't seen her in person since then so I'm not sure what it might be, but it seemed flirty.

A few times I told myself, "ok I'm not going to text her all day today unless she texts me first. I need to back off and give her space.". Every time I tried that, she would text me first thing in the morning to my surprise... and we would end up chatting all day. I love that...

Today she texted me first thing in the morning again. We talked a bit. About mid day I asked her a question via text, but she never replied. I figured I would give her space, and just let her answer when she could. She hasn't been feeling well the past couple days, she is battling a head cold or allergies, we don't know. Anyway, like 5 hours go by, and I ended up calling her to tell her about something else. While talking I asked if she was ok because she never replied to my last text. She said "what text? I didn't get any new messages from you. Send it again?"... I don't know, I trust her 100%, and wouldn't ever think she would ever lie to me, but some reason I don't believe she didn't get the text. I think after this entire week of being really close to her, I might have just got my first clue that she might not be into me. Did she lie? I think text messages are pretty reliable.

Maybe I am just being a fool... Maybe I am friend zoned. Her good friend, her mom, and her brother all think "there is something there" between us. I don't know. All I know is that I could easily marry this girl and spend the rest of my life with her, it would be a dream come true if she felt the same. I wish I could read minds.

How can I tell if she is into me more than just friends without asking her? She still needs time to heal from her last relationship. I don't want to push her away, or lose her friendship. I also don't want to be a rebound, so I need to back off, but I also don't want her to think I'm not interested in her....

Damn I'm so confused. Any advice?

[IslandScorp]

First, know that text messages sometimes don't get delivered. Second, she sounds as though she cares about you but both of you are coming out of bad relationships so you should just let things progress slowly. And stop playing games - not texting her until she texts you, etc. - or reading more than there is in something. That's a great way to sabotage a possible relationship. She said she doesn't mind you texting, she's been responsive so far until that mixup. Seems like you're just trying to rush everything. Can't you just enjoy each other's company as you have been and let things progress naturally? Both of you need to heal from your previous bad relationships and rediscover each other as adults. And just a note: marriage and having kids isn't something that you should be doing just because other people around you are doing it. Don't start imagining a married life with her until you two build your friendship into a relationship and find out whether you can be as successful as a couple as you seem to be as friends.

[LnghrnFan]

It sounds like she cares about you, and I think you need to get some clarity in your relationship. With the feelings you have for her, I highly doubt it will be possible for you to be friends. You need to find a time to ask her if she is interested in being more than friends. You don't want to be a "rebound" boyfriend, but you don't want to waste time in the "friend zone" either. She may not be ready, but you can only find out by asking. Good luck!

[Falls2Easily]

I'm certain she cares about me... but we are good friends so that's normal. It really is hard to be friends with her, because I always seem to get feelings for her every time I'm near her. This past 1 or 2 weeks I literally had to talk myself out of falling for her because she was still talking to her ex, and in the middle of a slow breakup, and I would just end up hurting myself. Then when I found out they were officially over, no amount of mental gymnastics could keep me from thinking about her.

I wasn't playing any games... not texting her until she texts me was just my own little way to see if she is actually thinking about me, and also my own little way of mentally slowing down and not rushing things. I would text her every day, every minute, if she wanted me to. I would love for things to progress naturally, but time seems to have slowed down, and it's so painful not being able to tell her how I feel. My patience is defeated by these feelings I have.

I don't mind at all being in the "friend zone", the hard part is not knowing for certain if I could ever be more than a friend. It's just torture. It would help me a great deal to know, so then I can man-up and just stop thinking about her the way I have been, and come to grips with reality, and just be her friend.

I don't want to ask yet. I think I will know in time, which is moving so slowly. I might have even gotten my answer today... our communication seems to have slowed down a little bit. But then again, I could just be reading into things, and being impatient. We can't talk all day every day I tell myself.

I used to be such an alpha male, but my age and past few relationships that I had high hopes for have done me in. I'm a softy now... ugh.

Thanks for your advice.