Angry and Bitter!

[Chilli]

I was dating this girl for just over 6 months and we went through a lot, not what every 'normal' relationship goes through in such a short time. In brief, she was diagnosed with cancer and despite her trying to break it off (relatively early days), I decided that I wanted to be there for her despite the prognosis not looking good. This is relatively irrelevant as this was my choice to stay with her but this explains how our relationship accelerated very quickly.

She left for treatment and fortunately the operation was a success and she was given the all clear for the time being. This is where it all begins...

It was not a good relationship from here on, I don't know why but she didn't treat me well. I did what I could whilst she would do things that she knew annoyed me e.g. talk about exs, ignore me on nights out, hell she didn't even get me a Christmas or birthday present... It obviously wasn't all bad because why would I care? The point is I treated her as well as I could with the utmost respect and yet I get this thrown back in my face. Part of the breakup was over an argument where both of us had been away for a several weeks and she made the effort to meet a guy (who she knew fancied her) instead of me. I didn't have a problem that it was him, I had a problem that she didnt want to see me which for some reason she never understood. I have now found out that she is now dating this guy. THe break up was relatively calm and I feel that keeping my feelings inside has made this break up quite hard to get over.

I am so angry and bitter as she is acting to him how I wanted her to act with me. I am angry with how she treated me and I know this is not healthy!

I mainly just wanted to share this but advice is welcome. I am considering getting things off my chest via email / letter / facebook message etc... What are your thoughts? Sadly I still have to see her every now and then as she is in one of my classes.

Thanks

Yours frustrated,

Chilli

[basilandthyme]

I think the problem started when you wouldn't let her break it off with you much earlier. Yes, I realise she had cancer - but that doesn't mean that she couldn't figure out what was best for her. I think she stayed with you because you wouldn't go away and she didn't have the strength to stand up to you....and now she's drifting even further away.

I hate to have to say it, but when someone tries to end a relationship, accept that it's over. Pushing them into staying with you will only lead to you receiving a half-assed relationship. Which is exactly what you got.

[Chilli]

I can see what you're saying. I do agree yet disagree at the same time! My response to her was; 'If you're breaking up with me because you don't want me anymore then fine. Otherwise I want to stay with you and help you through this'. To which she replied, I don't want to lose you.

The problem was, the rest of the time was on her terms, I had very little update and whenever I quizzed her on anything she said I make her forget about it all and she doesn't want to talk about it. I have no doubt she had a horrific time but so did I not knowing what was going to happen (again, I can't imagine what she went through).

Saying that, I can relate to what you are saying...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Tell her you hope her cancer comes back.

[Ginger2013]

The anger is normal, but not letting go will keep you angry and hurt. I wouldn't vent at her at all, if you need to vent, start a blog or keep writing here. Telling her how angry you feel won't really do much, she may say she's sorry etc...but she's obviously moved on and it won't really make a difference to her anyway since she's happy with a new bf. You have to allow yourself time to get over the anger and hurt, keep yourself busy, don't contact her and date other girls. Life is too short to wallow in pain, there are plenty of women out there, don't waste too much time on this, force yourself to move on.

[Chilli]

Good advice, thank you Ginger. Totally agree that the best I would get is an apology although I do think it may make me feel better / get things off my chest. As I mentioned the break up went quite smoothly as I was so run down with how she had treated me. It was only later that the list of things I wanted to say got bottled up.

I have actually already started seeing other girls, recently been dating two girls but I am worried I am on the rebound and I that I am not totally over my ex. This is what has got me thinking about the 'getting it off your chest' move just so I can move on...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

All you really need to do is say "**** her", and stop spending anymore time thinking about her, what she did, what you want to tell her, or your feelings toward her.

[dem862]

You are risking becoming a stalker. She is too polite to tell you to get lost. You can't take a hint. Does she need to hit you with a
2x4?

[Ginger2013]

Good advice, thank you Ginger. Totally agree that the best I would get is an apology although I do think it may make me feel better / get things off my chest. As I mentioned the break up went quite smoothly as I was so run down with how she had treated me. It was only later that the list of things I wanted to say got bottled up.

I have actually already started seeing other girls, recently been dating two girls but I am worried I am on the rebound and I that I am not totally over my ex. This is what has got me thinking about the 'getting it off your chest' move just so I can move on...

We all go through rebounds, it happens. It helps us to get over things and give us self-confidence again, as long as you don't string along any new girls, knowing that you aren't' ready to be serious if they are that is, I don't think it's worth worrying about. "Getting it off your chest", just in my opinion, is how you basically lose your dignity. Letting your heart out on your sleeve to someone who doesn't really care anymore seems to be just a way of getting their attention again and making the hurt fresh. It also leaves room for more hurt if she responds badly or not at all. It's not worth it.

The only way to "move on" is through time and keeping busy, and not contacting her or viewing her social media pages to torture yourself. Plenty of fish in the sea, don't waste your time on this one. With time and meeting other girls, dating, spending time with friends, doing hobbies etc...you'll move on just fine.

[4 ratties]

Many people have pissed me off in life and I always want to get revenge and go in an angry rage on them or do something but I never do for one reason or another. After a couple months after my anger has died down I was always happy I didn't seek revenge or freak out. Made me look like the bigger person just lettin everything go, as hard as it is in the beginning.

[toknow]

Many people have pissed me off in life and I always want to get revenge and go in an angry rage on them or do something but I never do for one reason or another. After a couple months after my anger has died down I was always happy I didn't seek revenge or freak out. Made me look like the bigger person just lettin everything go, as hard as it is in the beginning.

ROFL....You sound like a little fireball

What I meant to say is....fireball of crazyness..

What I really meant was....psychoball....LOL

[toknow]

Chilly, most likely you should be happy you are not with her. Some people take longer to let people get close to them, but apparently this is not the case with her since she has already a new guy. From the info you've given, I gather my advice is.....Run for the hills!....LOL

[searock]

My response to her was; 'If you're breaking up with me because you don't want me anymore then fine. Otherwise I want to stay with you and help you through this'. To which she replied, I don't want to lose you.

This could have meant that she didn't want to lose you as a person in her life, not as her boyfriend. I think basil is spot on: your ex was done with the relationship since a long time before the actual break up.