My jealousy is hurting my gf.

[ski2thelimit]

Hey ladies.. I have a small problem that could eventually turn into a larger one.

I'm a jealous guy. I have had many relationships but this is the first where I've actually felt any jealousy. My girlfriend is gorgeous. I have a hard time accepting the fact she is going to get attention, which she does. She consistently assures me that I am the only one for her and that she loves only me.

I have become jealous whenever she wears something 'cute' or 'attractive', insisting that it garners male attention. She tells me she dresses like this for me. Which i believe, but I get irrationally jealous at these thoughts of her wearing something attractive while I'm not there at getting hit on.

what is she feeling and how can I mitigate or just get rid of these feelings of mine? Thanks.

[michelle23]

If you cannot handle being with an attractive girl, then downgrade to someone less attractive... shaking my head. You are insecure and deep down you feel like you are not good enough for her. If you want a healthy relationship with this girl then you need to work on boosting your own confidence. So what if she gets some attention? What is the big deal? I assume she is not flirting or texting any guys? She is not doing anything to welcome the attention or to encourage it so you need to get over it or you will lose her. There is nothing worse than an overly jealous boyfriend. You should walk down the street holding her hand and holding your head high saying "ya shes with me, I am so great" lol and forget who looks at her. Its a compliment to you that other guys think shes attractive and at the end of the day-shes going home with you-not them

[Starnique]

You're very insecure and struggle with self worth. Be glad your gf gets admired. Imagine what that says about you and your worth to her. You need to take it easy before you lose her. If you keep carrying on like this, you're jealousy is going to turn into control. Why should she have to change her style which attracted you to her in the first place, to suit your needs and make you feel better about yourself? I also say, if you can't handle the attention your mate gets then you need to find someone less attractive that you can deal with since her beauty is obviously to much for you to handle.

[lalalita]

I've been with lots of guys like this. I think it's a pretty common issue, so don't feel like you're alone. The problem lies within you, more times than not - if she isn't doing anything to warrant excess male attention (flirting, dressing extremely provocatively). Protective and jealous can very easily cross the line to territorial and controlling. As long as you treat her with respect and don't try to control her actions or what she's wearing, I think this is just something you're going to have to learn have to keep under control.

I'm the type of girl who doesn't have a problem reassuring and "dealing" with this type of thing. But, other girls might not be so patient.

[HeartIsAching]

Hey ladies.. I have a small problem that could eventually turn into a larger one.

I'm a jealous guy. I have had many relationships but this is the first where I've actually felt any jealousy. My girlfriend is gorgeous. I have a hard time accepting the fact she is going to get attention, which she does. She consistently assures me that I am the only one for her and that she loves only me.

I have become jealous whenever she wears something 'cute' or 'attractive', insisting that it garners male attention. She tells me she dresses like this for me. Which i believe, but I get irrationally jealous at these thoughts of her wearing something attractive while I'm not there at getting hit on.

what is she feeling and how can I mitigate or just get rid of these feelings of mine? Thanks.

Your jealousy is rooted in distrust and insecurity. You're so insecure that you don't believe she could be with you... and you don't trust her. Don't argue, because it's true. You think that because she's "too good" for you, that she is looking elsewhere for fulfillment.

You'll drive her away with it. That's the reality.

So you've got two choices - learn to trust her, or realize that you're going to lose her.

Period.

[Wakeup]

Your gf needs to tell you, without a doubt that if you don't stfu, she is going to dump your sorry ass. If she says anything less or she does anything to placate you, like changes her attire, then she's just going to perpetuate your need for control and next thing you know, you'll upgrade your need to control by not alowing her to see friends or family.

I hope she doesn't enable you to become the person you're starting to become... which is an abuser. Get councelling to help you within if you can't turn of your run-away-thoughts on your own.

[4 ratties]

Your insecure.

If u felt secure with yourself you'd realize u have a hot gf who dresses nice for you and feel great about everything.
But instead u make it a negative and act like she's going to cheat or leave u at any moment.
Why not relax and just enjoy life?
Guys and girls are going to look and talk to your girlfriend. That's just how the earth is. So calm down or your going to be miserable. Seek counseling If u can't relax

[Tug]

Sorry but I couldnt help but post as I found this topic interesting. I worked for a major airline for 20 years and have gone out with my fair share of gorgeous flight attendants and would ask myself what they heck they see in me? While the way the dressed was never a problem after awhile you get tired of every guy hitting on her the minute you turn your back. Gorgeous high maintenance women are fun to date but having a long term serious relationship is a pain

[Idainaru]

It depends. You cant tell her to look ugly now that she is in RL, but yes, you may tell her that wearing thong under the seethrough pants wont work anymore. There are just things which are appropriate and inappropriate in RL. Im not saying you should tell her what she can and cant wear, but she should know it. Flashing her boobs to someone else is disrespectful. If she wants to be player then she should be single. There is no universe in which girl can sell you crap that revealing her body parts to other guys while in RL is normal. She can still look pretty without that.

[mcmontilde]

If you want to make your relationship last longer, then you have to trust your girlfriend. RELATIONSHIP is about TRUST.

[Idainaru]

If you want to make your relationship last longer, then you have to trust your girlfriend. RELATIONSHIP is about TRUST.

Yes, he should trust her and be more self secure...but...its not only about trust. Its not only about trusting your girlfriend/boyfriend that she/he wont cheat on you. Its not everything black and white. There is also a grey area. Usually people have different opinions, and habits. And when you go in serious relationship if you care about your partner you cant be ignorant, you need to pay attention to partners feelings. I do not approve being control freak, and tell him what she should wear. But its not logical to dress and act same as when you are single and same as you are in relationship. Some people do mind flirting, some of them dont. Some of them tolerate opposite sex best friends, some of them dont....the grey area is huge and different for every person. And this area decides are you both capable of being in relationship or not (together ofcourse).