So... I think i'm losing my mind. Seriously.

[Ulf]

I'm having these... delusions. Fits you might call them. Idealistic ones. Suddenly I feel VERY strongly that things around me are unpure and need me to "cleanse" them... starting to freak me out... I just get... ANGRY.

I used to be in therapy for anger problems when i was a child. When someone handed me a small animal I would suddenly get this INTENSE desire to... well, KILL it. It was like... I had power over the thing. It was ENTIRELY and completely in my control.

I started taking karate when i was 5 and it helped a lot. I lost a lot of my anger problems. I've been taking it for 13 years and everything was going great. I was even made one of three instructors for our entire city. I was honoured.

But one night I was sparring with some of my students and suddenly... suddenly I got that intense feeling that I used to get with the animals. I mean... REALLY intense, like I could strangle and pummel the guy in front of me to death. I was practically screaming with rage, i knocked the poor guy to the ground and I knew, in hindsight, that I would have seriously hurt him if i had not suddenly snapped myself out of it. It was like coming out of a thick fog.

So far it's started to happen a bit more than usual. I feel... a line, you could say, within me. I know that if I cross this line i'll lose all thought and blind fury will take over. It's scaring me. I have students to take care of...

But I know I don't have anger problems, because I never experience this outside of fighting. When I think about it, it seems to occur only when I know I have absolute power over something. Sometimes I get this desire to just scare the HELL out of people... But outside of this I don't get angry much. In fact, i'm regarded as a very calm and cool-headed person, and all my friends remark about how I never seem to get upset.

This is really starting to worry me... I almost wailed on another student till my own sensei and 2 other students physically restrained me for about 10 seconds. I never used to do this and I can't understand why I would suddenly start.

Does anyone have any ideas that might help me?

[whaywardj]

Yes. Copy-and-paste and printout your post and let a professional read it JUST as you wrote it here. On the face of it, sounds as if you have a LOT of repressed anger (which is different from suppressed anger, which, it seems, you're familiar with.) These impulses seem, to me, to be VERY sadistic in nature. Professional counselling is definitely in order, as may be a medication regimen.

[Nurseman]

As is often the case, I am in lock-step with whaywardj.

My friend I HIGHLY recommend you seek out a person to talk to. Most communities have a counselling service available. If you simply can't find one on your own, ask your Dr or a Pastor to refer you.

This is something I would NOT put off. This MUST be evaluated. There could be any number of causes for this sudden anger and many of them (if not all) are treatable.

Do this TODAY.

[Hazy_Eyed]

I seriously recommend you go to your local shows, listen to some metal.core bands, and ****ing throw-down.

Your allowed to kick the shit out of each other. If they're in the circle, it's their own fault.

Its really sad when girls mosh, because they all just get pwn'd...

[Only-virgins]

Awwwww poor guy needs therapy. Poor you.

[loverboy1]

anger. killing. hurting. = bad. bad. bad.
you condistion to istantly whant to kill is vary dagarous what if u DO kill sombody or somthing... that would be bad.

[Only-virgins]

you condistion to istantly whant to kill is vary dagarous what if u DO kill sombody or somthing...