Is he commited? Advice needed.

[abbey3]

If anyone has read my previous posts you will probably know that my 2 year relationship has been up and down.

A lot of this has been because of my insecurities however me and my boyfriend are still together.

I love him more than anything and he makes me very happy. But we have these horrendous ups and downs. When things are good they are amazing but when they are bad it’s horrible.

The problems always seem to lie in that we can’t communicate. I often blow things way out of proportion and over analyse everything.
I’m aware of this and am working on this for myself.

But my biggest problem is I know he loves me but im not sure that he is fully committed to me.

I don’t feel like I am part of his plans long term. He gets angry when I say this and says I should know I am. We are moving in together in the next few weeks. Then he is buying a house. He will not however get a joint mortgage right away and says we need to know we can live together first.

I just feel almost we want different things. I think my insecurities are worse because I don’t feel like he is fully committed. I am 22 and he is 28 but surely he wants to plan our life together. He talks about his business plans and what he wants to do but never talks about what he wants to do with me (not naturally anyway). Yes we will say we would like to go travelling or that we will get a joint mortgage but I feel this is just to keep me happy.

I hope this all makes sense? I just am afraid that he still isn’t sure about me and it doesn’t mean he is a bad person but maybe he still doesn’t feel comfortable fully committing to me.

He doesn’t understand what more commitment I want. We are moving in together, he spends all of his time with me, we go on holidays, spend time with each others families. And I get all that, But even though we are moving in together there is no real commitment- I am moving into HIS house. If it goes wrong then I suppose id just move out.

Am I over analyzing this? Do I need to just let things be and relax (because I really do love him and want to be with him)
But does he really want a future with me? I don’t ever feel included in his long term plans and I feel im wasting my time??

Any advice would really be appreciated???

[michelle23]

you need therapy. he IS committed to you-a blind person could see that but he wont be for long if you carry on the way you are.

your only 22, youve only been together 2 years. slow down and learn to go with the flow. stop worrying about the future. so what if it doesnt work out long term with him. youll get over it, life goes on, you dont need him!

you need to be stronger and realize that its not the end of the world IF you do lose him. we mourn every loss and then we move on..

i think if you learn that you will be okay without him and stop being so dependent on him then you will relax and learn to enjoy what you have together.

your relationship is bad right now. i think you should get some counselling and deal with your insecurities, before living with him. and hes right not to want a mortgage yet. you need to be sure you dont clash
first whilst living together

[abbey3]

I'm currently going through counselling.

I know I'm completely dependant on the relationship and that is bad.

But sometimes I just feel we want so different things. I'm a planner relationship wise and he isn't.
He plans business wise and what he wants to do but I never hear him saying things about what we will do .

I also wasn't insecure (I don't think) before this relationship. But I suppose this is my first adult relationship.

I just don't want to be used

[4 ratties]

How are u being used? You just said he takes u on vacations and u will be moving into HIS house? That's not using someone. U need counseling. Your only 22, he's smart for not making any serious commitments with u yet. U are young and sound emotionally unstable.
You can't plan every second of your life sometimes. This guy sounds great u haven't said one negative thing about him. So chill out a little bit before u lose him.

[abbey3]

Yes but we always pay things half.

I dunno maybe just used for someone to be with for now but maybe he just dosebt think he will ever commit to me?

We have been to counselling together but it didn't really help. I'm currently going to a couinceller alone but I don't at the moment feel like its helping. My sister is very similar to me. Could it run in the family?