New girl lacks experience, how do I improve that?

[Simpo]

So I recently met a girl and we started a sexual relationship but she lives very far from me and will only be seeing each other once or twice every month. She is quite young and lacks a lot of experience in sex and in simple things such as kissing. This isn't too much of a problem and we have agreed that we will aim to learn from the relationship both learning more about sexual activities and simply learning to be good bf/gf's.

Thing is she lacks a LOT of experience. I feel this way since my ex was experienced when it came to sex and she could definitely get me going and make it a very very pleasurable experience. I have pretty much learned sex from being on the bottom and my partner been on top riding me, so I am imo better on the bottom and really like that position. The main thing I noticed was when she was on top she didn't really do anything... she just kind of sat on it and didn't have much movement. Also she seems to do a lot of peck kissing rather than what I would call proper making out with lips wrapped around each others lips rather then having lips closed. She also used a bit of teeth while giving a bj which wasn't a pleasant experience. She wasn't a virgin but had only had sex with one person and they were sexually active over a 4 month period so didn't learn too much.

How can I address these sort of things without hurting her feelings or do it in a subtle way? Also if there is a way to bring it up subtly what sort of advice can I give her to improve these things?

[michelle23]

you dont do any of that. this is new to her. she needs time to relax and feel comfortable with you. you need to take control. her lack of movement was prob coz she felt self conscious or embarressed or just didnt know what to do.

you need to make her feel safe. make sure you give her plenty of foreplay and you need to go on top for awhile. praise her, compliment her body, turn her on, give her lots of orgasms..

sex will get better in time and you will notice her relax more and be more into it. you just need to be patient with her and dont compare her to your ex.

dont tell her shes bad at doing anything-not even in a subtle way. you can just ask for more bit by bit as time goes on when you know shes relaxed and comfortable with you

its gonna take a LONG time tho coz youll only see each other once or twice a month. it would be better if she was with someone she sees regularly. she would learn a lot faster

[Simpo]

I understand that. But this isn't so much a "real relationship" we both know that there is a high chance of the long distance thing not working and we both said and decided that we could use this relationship to just advance our experience with relationships and also sexually. She was very relaxed with me and comfortable to my knowledge. This is a case of I think she doesn't know what to do so since we both decided to have a learning relationship should I try and teach her?

We went turn about being on top so it was fair and I am not very experienced on being on top but from her reactions and her long nails digging in my back I could tell I was doing an okay possibly even good job.

Don't get me wrong I did give her plenty foreplay and pleasure her for a good 30 mins before we went all the way.

I know comparing her to my ex is wrong but that's all I had as experience when it comes to sex.

It is really annoying that we live so far apart but we both want the same thing which is something I don't usually find. Since we both decided this quite recently I don't want to just turn around now and says its not going to work.

[michelle23]

well you can guide her with body language. put your hands on her hips and pull her closer. help her to move more. and if she goes down on you, gently guide her head a little. i wouldnt try verbal communication yet as it could turn her off and make her feel self-conscious.

obviously if shes hurting you-tell her to be more gentle or to go slower. or you could just ask her to be wetter with her mouth..

just be careful not to sound critical. this is her first real learning experience so its better to be gentle and patient with her.

and remember variety is the spice. change positions regularly. everyone has a favourite but you can work together to learn new things you both enjoy.

i find with him on top, its better if im "nearly there" before we start. and he has to put his hands on my ass and pull me up towards him for direct clit stimulation. its hard to cum that way otherwise so try that

[Simpo]

ah okay, thank you for the advice.

She isn't too clear on how much she is enjoying it if that makes sense. Like she doesn't give much clear indication if she is getting closer to orgasming or not. Its usually just the same pleasure moan every time. Is there anything I can do in that area? I'm used to moans that gradually increase till the point of orgasm where the person would certainly re-act but with my new girl I don't seem to get that. Just the same moaning over and over no increase or decrease from each one and then I will finish and still none the wiser if she orgasmed or not.
I asked her afterwards if she orgasmed but she replied saying "I think I did since there was certainly a burst of pleasure when you thrust-ed deep into me and I felt tingly all over" but I don't think she knows for sure and tbh neither do I :p

[HeartIsAching]

Try communicating clearly with her. Screw that "subtle" bullshit, that never gets anything done.

Say things like "Move with me, baby" and "Ouch, a little toothy" and "Do you like that?" and "That feels good."

Works much better.

[searock]

So she's not the only one who's inexperienced, you are also inexperienced (you said it yourself you're not experienced being on top). As you become more emotionally intimate with each other, you will become more sexually intimate. Don't ever make her feel self-conscious in bed. Whenever she does something pleasurable, compliment her and make her understand how much you like it. Compliment her body and tell her how much she turns you on, how much you want her, etc. She will become more relaxed and comfortable and she will "let go", which is key for good sex. If she isn't comfortable being on top, no problem: you be on top. Lots of women love it when the guy takes control in bed. Take her like you can't resist it, like you need to have her, like she's a goddess...

[Exeter19]

stop comparing her to your ex for starters, not fair to her she is her own person and it's your turn to be the experienced one and teach her and have patience. she'll get there in time, if you love her then amount of time shouldn't matter, should be pleasurable in the trying, right? maybe she feels like you are judging her and if you relaxed she would enjoy it more and then perform better too.

[michelle23]

she didnt cum. she would know if she did. make her cum through oral or finger play a few times first. forget sex until after she has already orgasmed. many women dont cum through penetration so take a step back and focus on learning with your hands and tongue first

shes faking it to keep you happy. she wants to please you and is afraid to upset you. you need to have a talk about that. tell her you dont want her to miss out and if she doesnt cum-she has to tell you and you will pay more attention to her until she does

if you go down on her-her body should shake and shudder when she cums and shell become wetter, her nipples will be hard, shell push your head away when shes done coz it gets too sensitive, shell lie there in a daze for a bit smiling and looking dopey and then shell prob wana be close to you and kiss and cuddle-v affectionate. those are the things to look for to be sure she did cum

[Simpo]

So she's not the only one who's inexperienced, you are also inexperienced (you said it yourself you're not experienced being on top).

I know this and acknowledge that I am not much more experienced than she is. But when I was on top it was an okay experience but much prefer and find being on the bottom a better experience. Don't get me wrong, I will obviously go on top if that's what my girl finds stimulates her more and what not. I found that being in doggy position was the most pleasurable for me out of the positions we tried (well the 69 was also very good but when actual penetration comes into it doggy)

The problem is she lives so far away and I can't put any of these things into practise and really want to.

she didnt cum. she would know if she did.

I know you told me not to refer to my ex but when I made her cum she never showed me much of anything afterwards (affection wise) she usually just lay there for a minute then got cleaned up, half dressed, then got back into bed and sadly not to cuddle, usually she ended up playing games on her ipad :/ and I'm 99% I made her cum due to her reactions - eyes rolled, slowed down movement and started to judder slightly, vagina pulsing slightly and moans/screams. While this new girl tends to show me a lot of affection most of the time whether we've just had sex or not which I really enjoy but doesn't show any of these signs during sex just the odd same moan every hard thrust or so we were at it for a good 15-20mins of actual sex with 20mins of foreplay before hand and she never gave me much to work with communication wise.

[searock]

Doggy style is great, do that. Missionary can also be amazing if done right. Try lifting up her legs while you do it, you can also bring them over your shoulders, etc... Besides, there are many other positions apart from missionary and girl-on-top. Try "spooning" for example. Or on the kitchen table - she can sit on the edge with her legs spread open, you standing up in front of her. Or the old up-against-the-wall. Doggy-style with her lying down on her belly. The possibilities are endless .

By the way, the affection bit that michelle described wasn't the only thing she said about girls cumming, I'm sure you read the part before that? I also don't think your current partner has ever reached orgasm with you. What worked for your ex is clearly not working for her. Or maybe you just don't have a deep enough emotional connection for her to be able to "let herself go".

[Simpo]

Thanks for the advice. The problem with missionary position is that she isn't very flexible and just by lifting her legs a little it started to hurt her (tbh legs on my shoulders may not be possible with her). But by not lifting her legs I was finding it difficult to fully thrust into her and seemed to lessen the experience.

I think we do lack a deep emotional connection but I'm very sure that we do have one but we are hindered by time and distance to grow that connection :/ We both kind of know we weren't going to work out due to the distance but I didn't think I would come to this conclusion so quick and now I feel it may be better just ending it before we do get too deep into something and we do start to grow serious feelings for each other. The distance has really proven to be an issue which I didn't think it would be. If she did live closer to me I'm sure that we could have an awesome relationship or friends with benefits going for us.