In love with someone from another country

[axemanz]

This is a bit of a read but if you could take the time to read and give me your opinion I would really appreciate it. I feel very unsure right now and need some opinions.

Ok so about 3 years ago I started talking a little bit to this girl from Brazil that I met playing ps3. About 2 years ago we started talking all night everynight even though I was married (very unhappily) and about 6 months after that started I ended things due to me being married. I am currently in the process of getting divorced (Huge shocker I know) and have been talking to this same girl for the last 5 months now again. We skype pretty much every night, talk most of the day and share everything. Things have been amazing and we even went on a trip to Mexico together to meet each other for real. That trip went amazing, we really do make a great couple and are both in love with each other. She is clearly madly in love with me.

Just for reference we have logged countless hours on skype just chatting, watching movies and playing games and over 60,000 messages on facebook in the last 5 months alone. I feel I know everything about her

We have been talking about her moving to Canada, she also has 2 young kids that she would be bringing with her. I want to be with her, love kids and want to have a family life (I have a son of my own and love nothing more than teaching him and spending time with him)

There are a couple of problems though with all this.....

One is that we have only physically been together for a week...... We where talking about her coming down for a month or two with her kids and living with me to see exactly how that scenario would play out before committing and getting married (which is the only way she could stay) but if she came down for a period of time like that she would loose her job and would be jobless if it didn't work out for whatever reason. I am so unsure if it is a wise idea to commit and marry her without more real life experience even if everything makes me feel like she is my soul mate which is how I feel..... She is completely willing to move her whole life over here. I suppose either scenario would be devastating to her if it didn't work out. I dont know if there is any other options other than either end things or move her down and immediately marry her. Is that crazy to marry someone like this?

Second is the only possible thing I dont like about her but I am not sure how being countries apart effects it. She is very clingy, gets upset if I am not around for one night. Like if I go out to see friends or family and dont say anything to her all night she feels I dont care about her. Says that I must not feel the same about her and wonders who I am with. She tells me that she realises that its a problem she has, I know she has never felt cared for in her past and she feels why would I care about her. She has some anxiety and depression issues but I do to, most the time we can understand the others emotional state because we have felt the same ourselfs.

I dont know how to take it though. My ex never cared what I did (never made me happy though that she didn't, always wished she did) and I have never felt obligated to spend a certain amount of time with someone. To make sacrifices about my time seems foreign to me and I wonder if its a me problem as much as hers. I do love the fact that she cares about what I am doing and has a voice about what she would like, makes me feel good..... Would it be considered normal in this situation for her to be very clingy? I am also not sure how her feeling I dont care at times may affect our relationship in real life.

Other than that I have no problem with the whole immigration process, her bringing kids and the cost involved. To me those are all only small obstacles to be with someone I feel I can love for the rest of my life.

I appreciate you taking the time to read and would love to hear what you have to say or any questions you may have. Maybe you can help me see something that I am missing too.

I just want to try to be as smart as possible with this.

Thanks.

[Valixy]

It seems that if you want to be together you'll both have to take some risks but you can't take crazy risks like getting married without living together for a few months/a year at least. If that meant that she'd risk losing her job, I think that she should assume it. Otherwise it looks like she might be trying to pressure you into signing the papers too soon.

In Spain there's a possibility for couples to try ''matrimonio de hecho'', which is probably translated into English as ''common law marriage'' or ''de facto relationship'', not sure, which gives the spouse the right to residency and medical assistance. I am not sure the right to work is covered though and it gives no right over the property of each other nor does it include any other legal obligations. If people are unhappy, they could terminate it immediately with no legal or economic consequences. If everything goes fine, the couples can get married legally anytime later.

A lawyer could advise you best on how you should proceed without doing anything you could regret later.

[Boisdevie]

You're trying to be as smart as possible? Yeah, right. You're acting like an idiot even considering living with someone you've only spent a week with. Plain bloody loony.

Funny, I always imagined that there would be eligible single women in Canada.

[axemanz]

Thanks for the replies.

She is definitely not pressuring me into anything, I have actually been the one who has pursued her. She asks me why I bother, why I would want to go through the trouble for her. If I decided that I cant do it she would understand and it would end there, I know this is true because yesterday we had a bit of an argument over me going out..... she was talking about ending it because she feels she is being unfair to me when she expects me to be around, she said she doesn't want to be in my way. If I said ok goodbye yesterday it would have been over but I asked some questions and now we are on a couple day break so I can think of what I want to do. I am not sure if how she reacts to me being out would be considered normal in this type of long distance relationship than I have to decide weather that's what I want or not. When we were together in Mexico she was very clingy to me but still had no problem going for a walk by herself a couple times or there was this one time that I was talking to some other people and she decided she wanted to just go for a swim, was no problem so I wonder how much is just because of the distance. I don't mind if she is a little clingy to me, kinda like it as a matter of fact.

Well we could spend time together without commitment, it would be on a visitors visa and she would have no health coverage at all. Her kids would also not have any coverage. She would also as stated loose her job, she actually has a pretty good job and has been doing it for most of her life.

Although I suppose if she came down we could spend 3-4 months together before actually getting married to keep her here. If its not working than there is no commitment at that point. It is a 6 month visa and from what I understand as long as the application has been submitted they wont make her leave, just need to get an extension on her visa at that point. I guess that she would be loosing her job no matter what if she came down here, guess that's a risk she is willing to take.... All I want to know is that she is the same in person as she is online, when we were together in Mexico she was exactly what I expected and she said I was aswell. Having a straight 3-4 months should be enough to know that do you think?

[axemanz]

Any other opinions?

[VincenzoG91]

This situation is an extreme gamble. Why can't you date locally? What is wrong with your life that you think your best option for happiness involves someone that you barely know in a distant country?

[surfhb2]

If you have the financial and emotionally means to deal with the risks I say go for the 6 month visa thing and go for it

[ljubavjesve]

The reason she is from other country should not be a problem - love has no limtits