Guy's behavior puzzling me - input please :)

[DianaS]

A man from another country, whom I had only met once in person, well due to his location so far and him having a child with his ex-wife, this meant basically he'd have to stay put. So I made attempts for more than a year to stop chatting with him/staying in touch.

He was pretty stubborn about it, always asking me to re-friend him, yet each time we'd start to get a closer, he'd seem to pull back, and I'd basically let it go.

Fast forward to recently, the last 6-8 weeks. We started talking again (he initiated it) and so I finally gave in (sort of) by sending him some pics (not nude, just a little sexy) and before I knew it, we were like two kids all crazy about each other - it was fun once I let my guard down. It seemed to make him very happy. So was I.

Well long story short, since we had some ups and downs with I think both of us becoming confused/conflicted as to where this could go in spite of some intense feelings growing in spite of us being on different sides of the world.

So 2 night ago we were being flirty with each other, but it led to him saying "I can't leave here, and I can't leave my child and I don't want to lead you on that we can have something serious."

Well you can imagine how hearing this HURT because he has not left me alone for way over A YEAR, constantly wanting my time, my attention, etc., well this is WHY, I replied, I kept trying to stay away from you.

I ended it within 3 minutes after he said that.

I told him, in spite of his attempts to keep his hooks in me immediately after saying we could not be serious, that I COULD NOT keep in touch, still talk, if that was the case. I had to protect my feelings and HE had to stay away 100%. No more FB friends, no IM's, NOTHING.

I don't understand him?

What do you make of a man who demands to be the center of your attention for so long yet just seems to want to keep me sitting here for nothing?!

If any men here can help me out, I'd appreciate it.

But the way I feel now, I dd the right thing in letting him go - the way we started talking again was because HE SAID he would consider re-locating here, and now suddenly after he had me here wanting more, he thought he could get it ALL his way.

Even more puzzling, after I said we had to stop talking, he was acting all hurt and broken up over it, well what did he expect me to do after he said that?

[smackie9]

He used you for his own masterbation material. I can't believe you fell for it. I hope you don't see nude pics of yourself scattered all over the internet.

BTW guys will do and say anything to get sexual attention.......it's obvious he is still married to his wife and never had any plans to leave her for you.

[DianaS]

There were no nude pics involved and I do know other people that know him and they have told me he is not married - divorced actually. But, I appreciate your input and will keep it in mind.

[Valixy]

If the relationship hasn't improved at all after a year you're right to really forget about him for good this time. It's difficult to understand why people engage in flirting and romances and conquering hearts when they can't and don't even want to offer more than the online play, because it makes no sense to a normal decent person. Maybe he just needed some attention, maybe he is a serial flirt who found a way to get what he wanted and be discreet in the same time. Who knows? But he played you and lied to you again and again and simulated a moment of sincerity every time you tried to check how real this thing was. It was real to you but it wasn't to him and he deliberately and repeatedly pretended to be someone else, a genuinely interested and available man, a big liar who used your time and feelings for satisfying his ego actually. Maybe you should try dating local men who you could get to know personally in a matter of weeks and this way making sure it's worth investing your feelings.

[smackie9]

Emotional affairs over the internet can be exciting and addicting...that's why you both just lost yourselves. My guess is that he had to give up one thing to have the other...you lost.

[DianaS]

Amen!!! You are so right in all of your comments. A liar, yes, this time I can say that, because he did LIE saying he would come here just to get me to start talking to him again - I was VERY CLEAR about NOT wanting to get involved with someone who could not be here with me before that.

But now after this, I see that he is a liar, and he's only concerned about himself and his needs.

And as women, maybe we're wrong misguided we think if a man keeps trying for a long time he must really like you, and since he would never give up and keep chasing me, I believed that. I see now that I was wrong. Like you said, it was about his ego.

[DianaS]

LOL well no my impression is that whatever is really going on there, he was trying to have his cake and eat it too.

[4 ratties]

Stay away from him and any other guy who is so up and down with you

[DianaS]

Yes, I will stay away from guys like that. Thank you

[Jffs24]

He didn't force you into anything, you made your own choices, so why blame him, you are an adult, aren't you? take it as a learning experience and move on.
Not like it was some big love affair, why are you moaning over it still? and for the pics, you wanted to give the pics, because if you didn't he never would have got any, all the control over that was on your side, not his. Date peeps in real life from now on.

[DianaS]

Yes, but those choices were made by me as a result of HIS actions and encouragement. But yes, it always takes two. As far as the moaning over it, most women moan over it, no matter how big or small the affair, and even when we end it. It's just something that women do, LOL.

[searock]

As far as the moaning over it, most women moan over it, no matter how big or small the affair, and even when we end it. It's just something that women do, LOL.

Not all women and not just women - it's not a gender thing :-).

[DianaS]

True, it really isn't mostly a gender thing. I'm thinking about the times my male friend comes over to moan about issues with his wife - he goes on for at least an hour LOL

[DianaS]

Update to all who have responded:

Out of nowhere today - since our last talk when I insisted that he delete me from all social/pro networks because I wanted us to stop talking - well I got this invitation from him to connect to some new IM service. So I downloaded it, thinking he wanted to talk to me, well guess what he does?

I tell him I got the invite in IM, and he goes, "Sorry, that must have sent out automatically to all of my contacts from ____________ site."

The TRUTH is, I DELETED HIM from that site as a contact - I was NOT in his list of contacts. Soooo, he lied. He sent me the request directly, but then wouldn't admit it.

So I just said, "Oh, okay."

[Ginger2013]

The conquest. He was turned on by the chase, once he "got" you, he lost interest. He's bored, you were available. You were simply a fantasy for him, sorry but it happens all the time when people take internet chats too seriously as "relationships" or potential ones.