Why do you men string women along?

[Nicki XoXo]

Some of you may already know my story. I dated a married man for about 4+ years. I then became pregnant. I gave birth to a healthy baby boy a few weeks ago and as I settle into motherhood, I am facing my reality. His wife does know of our affair and our baby. Although he is being a good father to our son financially, I know my son will want for nothing as we both have fulfilling careers. I feel as though my son isn't going to get the same treatment his other kids get because he spends more time with his wife and their two children. He is working on getting back with his wife. I don't know if she'll take him back. He told me that if it doesn't work out with her, he definitely wants to be with me. I didn't have the energy to argue with him. I know deep down that it's over between us. I deserve better then that. So does my son. After I had him, everything changed. My entire outlook on this situation changed. I'd rather be a single mother to my child then to allow him to see his daddy creeping with me or being the other woman. I do love him still but I decided to let go. I'm holding on to nothing anyway. I told him he should bring his other kids to meet their little brother and he said, sweetheart that's not a good idea. Not now. I feel as if they should know their brother and have a relationship with him. I want my kid to get treated equally and I know it's a working progress.

I know I'm partially responsible for this. I really loved him but I wonder if he ever loved me. I feel as if he took an advantage of me. My question is, why do some of you men string women along? Why treat a woman like that? Why get her all into you, only to toss her aside in the end? Why do some of you play these foolish ass games? How about being honest from the beginning.

[searock]

Not all men are like the asshole you're dating, thankfully. Most men are actually not like that.

I think you are doing the right thing by stopping the "relationship" you have with him. He is the father of your child and as such, he will always be in your life. But there should be nothing more - for your sake and, as you said, the sake of your child. I hope you learned your lesson.

[Boisdevie]

My question is, why do some of you men string women along?

My question is, why do some women let themselves get pregnant to men who are clearly class A arseholes?

[Wakeup]

My question is, why do some of you men string women along? Why treat a woman like that? Why get her all into you, only to toss her aside in the end? Why do some of you play these foolish ass games?

The simple answer is: Because women like you allow it.

Stop playing the victim. You knew from the beginning that he was married with children.

[HDBadger]

You had an affair and got knocked up by a married man...and he's the asshole?

Take a look in the mirror. You are that woman.

[smackie9]

You should be asking yourself, why do women make the choice to have affairs with married men?

[dem862]

I really loved him but I wonder if he ever loved me. I feel as if he took an advantage of me. My question is, why do some of you men string women along? Why treat a woman like that? Why get her all into you, only to toss her aside in the end? Why do some of you play these foolish ass games? How about being honest from the beginning.

I venture to say he is afraid to tell you to get lost for fear you will break into his family's home and boil their pet bunny.

[Agnus]

Well, Mormons are allowed to have as many wives as they want. Your boyfriend is not a Mormon, I guess.

[basilandthyme]

What do you mean that you and your son deserve more from this man? The situation you are in now is exactly what you deserve.

He already had a #1 family and of course he's not going to cast them aside for time with his floozy and bastard child. You made your bed - now lie in it.

[Nicki XoXo]

My son is not a bastard. Say what you want about me. I don't care. Don't say anything negative about my baby boy. He is so precious and angelic. I stare at him because I can't fathom how something so perfect came from me and my foolishness. That's the only reason I feel any guilt. I don't feel bad about the affair. It happened. It's over and everyone really need to get over it already. His wife is the problem and I want so badly to talk to her woman to woman and tell her that if she can't accept my child then she need to let him go so he can be a father to my son. It's almost like he has to sneak and I just want everything to be out in the open. I want him to stop trying to control and separate everything. It's almost as if he's devaluing us. Our family.

I still feel like he's playing on my emotions. He told me motherhood makes me more beautiful and he kissed me but it felt different. If he been with his wife, I don't want him touching me. I told him that I was thinking about moving back home with my family and he said he doesn't want me to go because he would miss his son but why the hell am I here just so I can continue feeling alone? I have a lot to put into perspective.

[LifeInflux]

You have... issues. He didn't commit to you, he never did... and he doesn't want a commitment. He's stuck with you because of the child, nothing more. His wife knows about the affair and the child, she's got her own issues to deal with.. you talking to her woman to woman is just going to make things worse for you, as it appears he's already convinced her to work on their relationship.

You lose, until this guy is backed into a corner and his wife leaves him permanently. Doesn't sound like thats happening. Do what you need to do for yourself, and if all else fails let the courts decide. You continuing to "out" this child to the rest of the "family" is just going to make things worse for you and your son. It really won't affect him much at all. If the thought of losing you and his son really bothered him, you wouldn't be on this forum complaining.

[basilandthyme]

His wife is not the problem and she does not need to accept you or the child. Nor does she need to let him go.

She doesn't have to do anything for you and your child - her only responsibility is to do what she sees as being best for her and her family. And if that involves doing everything she can to sabotage any relationship her husband has with you and the child, then so be it.

If I were her, I'd make your life hell. And if you tried to keep my husband involved in the child's life, I'd probably sue for custody. My argument is that he's better being with his father in a family unit than with a single mother.....

[searock]

His wife is the problem

What?!?!?

and I want so badly to talk to her woman to woman and tell her that if she can't accept my child then she need to let him go so he can be a father to my son.

Lol, you really think it's her fault if he doesn't leave her? He doesn't want to leaver her. He wants to be with her and their children: his family.

It's almost like he has to sneak and I just want everything to be out in the open. I want him to stop trying to control and separate everything. It's almost as if he's devaluing us. Our family.

You should have thought about this before you started sleeping with a married man - without protection, of all things. What, you thought that once the baby was born he would ditch his wife and kids and run away into the sunset with you?

I still feel like he's playing on my emotions. He told me motherhood makes me more beautiful and he kissed me but it felt different. If he been with his wife, I don't want him touching me. I told him that I was thinking about moving back home with my family and he said he doesn't want me to go because he would miss his son but why the hell am I here just so I can continue feeling alone? I have a lot to put into perspective.

Stop believing his lies. He doesn't want to be with you, he will NEVER leave his wife for you. Did he even legally acknowledge your child as his son?

[Valixy]

An ex-boyfriend of mine had a younger half brother from a similar affair his father had. The wife could not forgive him and divorced him. The two women suffered and hated each other and the boys had very little contact. However both boys ended up relocating from Great Britain to Spain as adults after each facing a divorce in their lives. They became very close, like real brothers actually and best friends, sharing lots of fun and even doing business together.

Your son is innocent and deserves a happy life. It would be extremely difficult for your lover's wife to accept him and support her husband's relationship with both of you, so be wise and fair and accept this and take full responsibility of your baby. It can be very prejudicial for a child to project the rejection you experience on him instead of trying to lighten up your state of mind and realise that just by having your total love and support he can grow up as a happy confident child. The single parent family is not the ideal one but it is often better than an unhappy married couple as long as the single parent does not see it as some kind of a big drama (which is not) nor does it transform it in some kind of emotional war that the child doesn't need at all.

[Wakeup]

My son is not a bastard. Say what you want about me. I don't care. Don't say anything negative about my baby boy. He is so precious and angelic. I stare at him because I can't fathom how something so perfect came from me and my foolishness. That's the only reason I feel any guilt. I don't feel bad about the affair. It happened. It's over and everyone really need to get over it already. His wife is the problem and I want so badly to talk to her woman to woman and tell her that if she can't accept my child then she need to let him go so he can be a father to my son. It's almost like he has to sneak and I just want everything to be out in the open. I want him to stop trying to control and separate everything. It's almost as if he's devaluing us. Our family.

I still feel like he's playing on my emotions. He told me motherhood makes me more beautiful and he kissed me but it felt different. If he been with his wife, I don't want him touching me. I told him that I was thinking about moving back home with my family and he said he doesn't want me to go because he would miss his son but why the hell am I here just so I can continue feeling alone? I have a lot to put into perspective.

Have you gotten any psychiatric therapy for your entitlement issues? When the time comes that YOU understand YOU are not entitled to anything since you gave yourself to an already committed man, that will be the day that you can forgive yourself, grow from this so that you don't find married men attractive in the least because you'll not become vulnerable to one by hanging out with one and doing one-on-one date like activities with one, nor will you allow bonding like actions that cross your own personal boundares. That's the problem, you have NO personal boundaries and so this has happened to you.

You are owed NOTHING. Your son on the other hand is owed much. Financial support and the emotional support that any father should be giving his children so if he's not paying support for his son, then I suggest you get that worked out. If he's unwilling to be in his son's life as a proper father and decent male role model then leave to be with family and good male relatives that will teach him to be NOTHING like his birth father.

Your victimization mind-set is ridiculous. As long as you hold onto that sense of entitlement, that sense you're owed something just because you gave your vagina (without commitment) it will stagnate you in your current state.

Work on figuring out why you didn't want a man of your own and were willing to share one hoping you'd win. When you've figured that out, you'll stop your whining and you'll heal from your disappointment. Then you'll get on with being a good mother to your son WITHOUT his father in YOUR life just fine.