My guy went away for weekend & hasn't called!

**runnergrlphl** · 23-09-13, 10:02 AM

i'm 31 and i've been dating my guy (36) for 3 months. i consider us very close - talk/text every day, say "i love you", he treats me great. he went away for the the weekend with a few guys. we texted a bit on friday night, then during the day on saturday. i texted him last last night to say hi, but never heard back, so i texted him again this evening. he said he was home and just waking up from a nap and would call me "in a bit". that was 4 hours ago. i'm getting worried that something bad might have happened while he was away, or he had a change of heart. am i overreacting?

**basilandthyme** · 23-09-13, 01:32 PM

So you don't trust him?

**4 ratties** · 23-09-13, 01:59 PM

He's more than likely hungover and napping and not in the mood to text and call you. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

**Exeter19** · 24-09-13, 02:28 PM

in a bit means something different to everyone, to some 10 mins, 1 hr, 6 hrs later that night, depending on when they are free and think to call. i wouldn't get too worried. leave a vm and that should be enough until he gets back to you. in the mean time make yourself busy.

**Cerby** · 25-09-13, 02:58 PM

Why would you text him non-stop when he was out with his friends? Give him some space and stop over-reacting. Sounds like you might be smothering him.

**HeartIsAching** · 25-09-13, 08:51 PM

Originally Posted by Cerby

Why would you text him non-stop when he was out with his friends? Give him some space and stop over-reacting. Sounds like you might be smothering him.

Exactly what I was thinking. If I were out for a weekend with friends, and my brand-new GF was constantly checking up on me via text and call, I'd be seriously rethinking my relationship.

Insecurity is terribly unattractive.

**searock** · 25-09-13, 09:37 PM

She never said who initiated the texting though... let's not jump to conclusions. If it was her that was blowing up his phone, I agree with what you're saying. The way she described it though makes it seem like they both enjoyed texting each other.

**Wakeup** · 25-09-13, 11:04 PM

Just from when she said she DID text him it sounds like she's blowing up his phone. He was away for the weekend with the boys, a call when he got there to say he arrived safely and then one when he got home to tell her what a good time he had would be enough IMO. Had he told her that that is how he would be handling the contact while away, then she wouldn't have had anything to worry about... so they're both a little "off."

Three months and you're only still "dating." Have you guys talked about being exclusive?

**searock** · 25-09-13, 11:22 PM

Originally Posted by Wakeup

Just from when she said she DID text him it sounds like she's blowing up his phone. He was away for the weekend with the boys, a call when he got there to say he arrived safely and then one when he got home to tell her what a good time he had would be enough IMO. Had he told her that that is how he would be handling the contact while away, then she wouldn't have had anything to worry about... so they're both a little "off."

That's because you don't use texts as a regular means of communication, so to you it sounds strange for them to text that "much". These two, they text every day multiple times a day, and as you said, nothing was said before he left that indicated this would change (apart from common sense - obviously he wouldn't have been glued to his phone as during the other days, she said it herself they haven't been texting that often when he was away). Basically it's normal for them to keep in contact via text, she wasn't blowing up his phone unless she was always the one initiating the texting.

**Wakeup** · 25-09-13, 11:30 PM

No, it's not. It's because that is what we used to do as partners. I still go away twice a year for a weekend with my 5 good female friends and I call when I get there and when I'm leaving unless there is some kind of emergency. To text or call when I'm having a good time and taking time away from him and actually being able to feel I've missed him (which helps with passion when you've been in a long term relationship) is good for anyone's relationship.

She's bugged him while he was away and so he started to ignore her. She gave him zero opportunity to miss her. He didn't tell her that he won't be answering her every missive. They need to communicate and figure out what works for them when absent.

Maybe men should keep the texting to a minimum so that women don't come to expect a night and day continuous dialogue?

**HeartIsAching** · 25-09-13, 11:31 PM

Not true. I use text constantly. It sounded off to me.

**searock** · 26-09-13, 12:17 AM

Originally Posted by Wakeup

No, it's not. It's because that is what we used to do as partners. I still go away twice a year for a weekend with my 5 good female friends and I call when I get there and when I'm leaving unless there is some kind of emergency. To text or call when I'm having a good time and taking time away from him and actually being able to feel I've missed him (which helps with passion when you've been in a long term relationship) is good for anyone's relationship.

That's how it works for you, but maybe not for them? IDK, I'm just saying that based on the info she gave us, we can't tell whether she was actually bothering him with the texting, or if it was just normal texting.

She's bugged him while he was away and so he started to ignore her.

This is a possibility.

He didn't tell her that he won't be answering her every missive. They need to communicate and figure out what works for them when absent.

Yes, definitely.

Maybe men should keep the texting to a minimum so that women don't come to expect a night and day continuous dialogue?

Maybe people should keep the texting to a minimum so that their partners don't come to expect a night and day continuous dialogue?

**Wakeup** · 26-09-13, 04:21 AM

Originally Posted by searock

That's how it works for you, but maybe not for them?

Well what they're doing now isnt' working for them either.

IDK, I'm just saying that based on the info she gave us, we can't tell whether she was actually bothering him with the texting, or if it was just normal texting.

Granted. But by how many times she texted him... imo once she should text and and then let him reply to that. Then to top it off, when he said he was tired and would call her later she was so anxious she started a thread about it even after he did talk to her and told her he'd call later... that's obsessive and why I've assumed what I assumed.

This is a possibility.

Yes.. I wasn't there so it's assumed that I'm assuming. But, I would say that it was either that she was hounding him or.. that he just wanted to have fun without checking in.

Maybe people should keep the texting to a minimum so that their partners don't come to expect a night and day continuous dialogue?

Yes.. maybe people should.

**searock** · 26-09-13, 06:49 AM

It would be great to get an update on the situation... I'm curious! I have to admit, if there was a sudden change in communication behavior between my bf and I, I would worry as well... if one of us doesn't reply for a prolonged amount of time during which we would usually reply, the other person is likely to get worried. Not "has he changed his mind about our relationship" worried of course, just worried that something may have happened.

**BackUpOrGetStng** · 26-09-13, 06:58 AM

I bet he's dead.

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