My boyfriend has alcohol problems

[tullah]

My boyfriend suffers from anxiety, the physical panic attack sort. The last couple of years, he says he has been drinking every day for some periods, and that he drinks when he has anxiety and because things can be boring without it... Now he hasn't done that for some months (he says), but this week he has been suffering from anxiety because he is lowering his medication dose, and admitted to me that he has been drinking all week.. I don't know what to do about this. I told him last time that he should quit, and that if he thinks it's serious he shouldn't drink at all or seek help. It doesn't seem like he thinks it's serious enough, as he has done neither.
Also, a couple of weeks ago he turned up drunk when he had a date, and he blamed it on some friends that wanted to have a beer with him. I really want to support him, but when he has anxiety he doesn't wanna see me, because he doesn't want me to "see him like this". I disagree, because I want to be there for him, and it doesn't feel good when he shuts me out. What should I do about this?

[basilandthyme]

Tullah, the only thing you can do is figure out whether or not this relationship is satisfying your needs.

I guess it comes down to a few different things: the frequency in which he shuts you out, the frequency he's getting drunk - and whether or not him refusing to seek help is acceptable to you.

While it's kind of you to want to be there for him, there's not much point in it. He doesn't want your support and you really can't do anything for him anyway. It would be far more appropriate for him to call for professional help when he's having anxiety issues....but he sounds like he won't do that either.

Out of curiosity, if he won't seek help - who is prescribing his meds?

[Wakeup]

Hes only a boyfriend. Why do you feel the need to stay with someone with these types of issues? This is not your responsibility to caretake him and if you think he's going to change for you, then you are foolishly naive. You're not his wife, you don't owe him anything but your kindness when you tell him that its over.

There are men out there that do not need to be drunk in order to get themselves through their day. Find one of them and let this one go. The whole idea of dating is to find someone that you can eventually spend the rest of your life with and be happy in doing so. Just how happy to you think you're going to be with him? You're already not happy now.

[Boisdevie]

I used to drink a lot - at my worst I was doing a bottle of whisky a day so I have some experience here. Dump him - he will only stop drinking when he decides to do so - might be tomorrow, might be never. Find a sober boyfriend.