Do we stand a chance?

[blinded_by_you]

Hey guys, I really am in deep trouble.
A few months ago, I got to know a really nice guy, he is 24 years old, while I'm 19.
I met him at his work, since I am a customer of his. Anyways, he has a girlfriend, they've been together for 3 years now, and they even have a 9 month old baby together.

I've been interested in him for a while now, but I didn't act on it, of course, because he is in a relationship and has a son.
But recently, it seems like he is having more and more trouble with his girlfriend. He told me that he once thought that she was "the one" but now he realizes that it's not her he wants to spend his life with.
He can't tell her that, because he is really scared that she would leave with their son so that he won't be able to be there for his baby. And he feels guilty, because he wants his son to have a normal family so badly, because he has a very difficult background.

It really messes with him, and then he told me that one of the reasons why he held onto this relationship for so long, was because he wanted to make it work, and because his son is the best thing that ever happened to him. But his girlfriend is always yelling at him, calling him names and making him feel like he is worthless.

Then he pretty much told me that he is falling in love with me.


I'm so confused now. He has a kid, and that means he comes with a lot of baggage, plus he is in the middle of a broken relationship trying desperately to make it work for the sake of his son.
I really, really like him a lot, and it's hard to resist him, because he makes sure that I know how he feels about me, but at the same time we can't kiss, can't do anything yet because he still doesn't know how to talk to his girlfriend, without losing his son.

What should I do? Should I wait for him, continue to be there for him during this time? Do we even stand a chance with him having a kid?

Please just tell me your opinions, I really don't know what to do!

[Boisdevie]

You're going way way too fast. He isn't even available and you're wondering about a relationship with him. No nice single men without baggage left in the UK then or are you so desperate?
Perhaps he's trying to get your sympathy so you'll drop your pants for him?

Why not just leave him alone until he eventually decides what he wants because you getting involved is not going to be helpful.

[bubble]

Run from him, as fast as you can. It sounds like a typical boy (men don't do that), trying to get sympathy so you wouldn't judge the fact that he's actually trying to cheat on his girlfriend. You'll get involved with him, he'll never know how to end it with her and keep his son around and you'll be the mistress until one of you two gets tired of it and ends it. If he's really serious about it, he can look you up when he's single, until then, my advice would be to stay away.

[Indie1411]

Well I'm guessing there was probably a nice way of saying all that to her now we've gonna and made her feel like crap she clearly really likes the guy and like she's saying she hasn't done anything because she's confused she clearly has respect for the situation but at the same time I sadly agree it wouldn't be a good idea to get involved now or even a few months after they split .... If they even do.
Now u would just be the other woman and if she found out that there would be an even more reason for her to not let him see his son and if he split with her and u got involved straight away Hun you would just be the rebound
I aside u this she gave him his first child one that he clearly values and loves a lot ..... Nothing will ever change that she will always hold apart of his heart whether he knows it now or not and guys always hate the situation at the time but when it's gone they realise it wasn't so bad after all and there will always be a point that they want to go back so u need to at least wait for all that to happen and then once he has actually gotten over the hurt from all that there might be a chance
But at the same time your 19 enjoy your life be there for him a as friend if u like but don't wait you might miss something better I know it's hard but there's not much more u can do good luck
Iv been in this situation before but I was the mother of the son and he always told girls he was falling for them when we went through a rpugh patch they fell for it everything and then he didn't care and came running back they just get lonely when their going through a rough patch and think they can have the honeymoon stage again if they start with someone else but 9 times out of 10 they go back to where their heart is and it will be with her

[Noruego]

This reminds me of a situation with a friend of mine, so I'll tell you what I told him in reverse.

This guy is 24, has a kid and a relationship that is struggling (which is pretty normal for a lot of relationships), and he has become and adult and has to face a lot of shit that comes with that package. In a way, I'm sure he wishes he could go back to being a teenager, to a life without worries.
You are 19 and bagage free, or so I would boldly assume. You represent to him a complication free life, but with a kid and an ex-girlfriend who he would miss if he ever left her that's not just gonna go away.
Unless you want a complicated mess on your hands, I would suggest not pursuing this. It's a recipe for a broken heart.

[blinded_by_you]

Run from him, as fast as you can. It sounds like a typical boy (men don't do that), trying to get sympathy so you wouldn't judge the fact that he's actually trying to cheat on his girlfriend. You'll get involved with him, he'll never know how to end it with her and keep his son around and you'll be the mistress until one of you two gets tired of it and ends it. If he's really serious about it, he can look you up when he's single, until then, my advice would be to stay away.

First of, thanks for answering! I know that it sounds like it, but he really isn't like that! He's 24 but he really is a man. He has a lot of courage and he would never act on his feelings towards me while being with her. He just admitted that he has feelings towards me that one evening when he was drunk.
He's having a lot of issues right now, his girlfriend just being one of them, and I can see what this is doing to him. He literally drowned his sorrows in alcohol that night, which is the wrong way to handle things, but while growing up he was never allowed to show emotions, he wasn't allowed to cry because that was "weak", I think it's just hard for him to admit that he's hurting.
He had a very very difficult childhood, he had to grow up very very early, if I wouldn't know about his age, I'd think he's around 30 years old... which is why he wants his son to have his mom and his dad by his side, but at the same time his girlfriend changed so much, all she does is insult him, telling him he's worthless, even in front of his friends...

I guess what I wanted to say is that, he really is a good person, with a really big heart!

[blinded_by_you]

This reminds me of a situation with a friend of mine, so I'll tell you what I told him in reverse.

This guy is 24, has a kid and a relationship that is struggling (which is pretty normal for a lot of relationships), and he has become and adult and has to face a lot of shit that comes with that package. In a way, I'm sure he wishes he could go back to being a teenager, to a life without worries.
You are 19 and bagage free, or so I would boldly assume. You represent to him a complication free life, but with a kid and an ex-girlfriend who he would miss if he ever left her that's not just gonna go away.
Unless you want a complicated mess on your hands, I would suggest not pursuing this. It's a recipe for a broken heart.

I guess you're right...it's just really hard for me to see him suffer. Even if I will never get a chance with him, I just wish I could help him.
He helped me so much while I was going through something very difficult recently, and now he's the one hurting, but it seems like I can't do anything about it...that's really hard.

[Boisdevie]

He helped me so much while I was going through something very difficult recently, and now he's the one hurting, but it seems like I can't do anything about it...that's really hard.

Getting involved with him romantically is not likely to help the situation is it? Just back off. If he's got problems then it's for him to sort them out not you.

[Agnus]

What should I do?

The first thing you should do is to ask your guy to tell his girlfriend that DNA Paternity Testing is required. Maybe, the baby is not his at all and there's nothing to worry about.

[Hightower]

The opinion I always have is that you don't touch another man's rhubarb (woman). I feel the same applies for girls. Girls shouldn't go after another woman's man. If he is miserable, it is a free country, he can leave.

[HeartIsAching]

Tell him that you're interested, but you're not interested until he's been broken up with her and free from entanglement for 6 months. If he can't do that, he's just trying to play the field while maintaining his current relationship as 'alternate plan B'.

[Lord Darkshire]

He isn't looking to move on, he is looking for some crumpet on the side. I suspect there isn't much intimacy going on because of the baby (which is normal) and this is something he struggles with, not to mention the responsibility and it's issues that go along with it. So instead of coping with it he had decided to cheat on his GF. I'm going to give warning here.....guys will do and say anything to get sex. Most that plan to cheat with embellish on how bad things are to justify their need to stray. He found a naive 19 year old girl to play victim to so he can get into your pants. If he does, you fall in love with him, his GF finds out, he will dump you and go back to her to try to make things work because he wants to keep the family together.

Stay away from this guy, he is nothing but bad news...he is willing to give up on his GF and child to make his penis feel better.....do you really want to be involved with someone like that? Thinking you two will live happily ever after? It's a load of BS.

[IndiReloaded]

Wow such a nice guy... she's really drinking the kool-aid. This story is as old as the hills... another woman with low self-esteem trying to feel better about herself by helping the 'poor guy' (with a partner and a kid, lol!).

I guess the real test is this: how do you feel about cheating w/a man who is in a relationship with a kid? B/c that's what you are doing. What if it was your kid with him? Remember - if he did it to her, he'll do it to you...

If you have any self-respect, say you like him but you aren't a homewrecker. If he wants to be with you, he needs to end his current relationship and then call you.

[smackie9]

It's interesting how people come up with the excuses to justify something that is as bad as this whole situation.

[blinded_by_you]

I didn't do anything with him, and I would never sleep with him or even kiss him while he has a girlfriend. I know that HE Needs to decide what he wants to do. HE needs to decide if he can make it right with her, or if his relationship really is over.

Yes, I do feel something towards him, but that doesn't make me a bad person, because if he would come up to me and ask me if I wanted to spend the night with him in some hotel, I would tell him that I would never do that as long as he has as girlfriend.
And I told him several times that he needs to try everything to fix his family.

I feel bad for him, I feel bad for this whole situation because he deserves to be happy, whether it's with his girlfriend (and I do hope that things will be ok between them because they have a child), or whether it's with someone else.
I may be some naive 19 year old, but I'm not stupid, and right now, we are close friends, and I guess he is just confused and is overthinking things, or else he would never even consider a 19 year old girl like me, but I know that NOTHING should ever stand between a family.

So if there is even the slightest chance that his girlfriend realizes that she is destroying her relationship, then I really do hope with all my heart that they will work it out.

I was writing here because I just didn't know how to act around him, and what I should do to help him. Because after all, we are friends, and I can see that he needs a friend right now, but I wasn't sure whether the right thing is to leave, and stay gone, or to be there for him during this time..

Of course I'll be hurt, because she is the mother of his child, and will always come first place, but I would never want to purposely ruin his relationship and his family with her, despite what some of you think of me right now