im stuck dunno what to do

[what next]

hi there i apologise for my grammer straight away i was going out with my gf for 4 years in the final tw years i changed i was unhappy and started communicating less which caused the eventual to happen i actually take full blame and we would argue and id say if you want me to change back you have to change as well as i said iv taken full responsibility for my actions we broke up a week ago but she has been in pretty much daily contact with me i did all the things your not meant to do and continue to do the wrong things like asking her back and all that well anyway now you have a little back story this is my dilemma id love to have her back im actually happy again the thing that made me unhappy i sorted out but i dont know if she wants me back her stuff is still at mine i offered to take it all to hers but then realised there was so much there'd be no way to move it all at once so i asked her if she could arrange something she then said she couldn't i took her of Facebook but she still spoke to me and keeps pushing being friends i saw her today when i had to drop off her stuff it didnt seem akward i ovesly wanted to grab her but i restrained myself she seemed like she was remaining strong but you could see there was more she wanted to say and the convo just seemed to revolve round life in general she tld me she was doing all these new things the other day but i found out she actually hadnt also she was out in town last night and saw one of my friends and was being very inquistive about me i asked her out for coffee a few days ago and she accepted we havnt had the coffee yet she will post on facebook all the movies she is watching and it seems she just stays in most days and locks her self away i recived a random text saying she was seeing someone so i asked her and she hit the roof am i looking at this all wrong is this her getting over me or is there maybe somthing still there i think its the one question i need an answer to so i know what to do

[Rowen]

I'm sorry, OP, but you're in desperation right now... I know what that's like, and it's not pretty. In it, your mind will grab at the tiniest of things in order to make you feel hopeful that you can actually have another chance. But in most cases, I'm sorry to say that it's not that easy... The way you're describing it, she's acting like anyone normally does once a relationship they were really into has ended- like a wounded animal crawling away to die to one day see the sunlight on a day when they're stronger. You said yourself that it seems like she's been shutting herself in from the rest of the world. Well, what do you expect? She was the one who had to break it off, even though she really cared about you... She was the one who got hurt as a direct result of trying to make you happy without success... Have you ever tried making someone happy before who, despite whatever you did, just couldn't? Feels like shit, doesn't it? :S I think that's how she feels right now... To be brutally honest even though it hurts to hear, she's trying to get over you. But she's trying not to let you feel alone for fear of hurting you. It's a double-edged sword...

The best you can do is make yourself happy. I know you're in pain and that you're hurting, and I'm really sorry that you are...but she knows it too. She wouldn't have ended it if she didn't think it was in the best interest for both of you. So, the best thing you can do is to try to move on. It'll be slow to start, and every day is going to feel like hell with the "what if's." But, in the end, you're going to feel a whole lot better. Move on, and the pain will eventually go away...but keep fighting and it will only grow worse.

Maybe one day you two can try again, but that's a big maybe. And do you really want to hold out for that with the chance that it won't ever happen? You have a life to live too, and though the option might seem seductive in desperation, but it will destroy your life and everyone in it. Take the time to focus on yourself...make yourself truly happy. For, only then can you find peace.

I wish you the best of luck, OP. I really do...