Not sure about engagement ring. Suffering from anxiety.

[pommegranate1]

Hi everyone.

I really need your help. Please do not judge me.

My boyfriend agreed with my request to choose my engagement ring. We have been together for many years and I really wanted a beautiful ring. I did research for a very long time and searched and searched and saw nothing I liked. We planned a trip together and went searching to another state for the ring. He was patient with me all along and really wanted me to get something I liked.

I tried on one ring, perfect size, no adjustments necessary, 1 carat center and it was gorgeous. However, the salespeople were pressuring us to buy and I could not commit without comparing prices. A lot of money was being spent and when we decided to leave the store the people told us if we came back the next day, the price would increase.

That day and the next, we visited other stores, and narrowed it down to two. The one above and the one we eventually bought. The one we bought was an engagement set with a .72 center. This ring is gorgeous and my boyfriend loves it a lot. It was the same price as the first one I described but we decided to buy this one since we felt no pressure to buy and the ring had a good quality diamond. We also visited the other store and the salespeople were not so nice on our return.

Now that we have purchased and returned to our state, I can't help but think of the other ring. I know I may sound petty and materialistic but I suffer from anxiety and I can't sleep over this. I spoke to my boyfriend about it and suggested selling or trading it. He was very upset and said that he feels insulted.

He says the ring is gorgeous and it is not for sale. He says we went through so much to find this and it symbolises all our efforts. We spent thousands on the ring and I am wondering if I should have gotten the other one. I know this may not sound good but I keep thinking of the 1 carat vs the one I have even though mine sparkles like wow.

I want to feel at ease. I want to love and appreciate my ring but I keep thinking about the other one. My boyfriend says under no circumstances will he sell it or trade it.

Please help me. What should I do?

[toknow]

What is it about the other ring you like so much?

It's ironic in a way. Because you were trying to, get a cheaper ring, and you ended up with one you value less.

I would say, symbolically, it's not a good start to your engagement.

But, in the end, it shouldn't be about the ring, but what it symbolizes.

[BobxMarley]

If you are tripping out about your ring, you are focusing on the wrong thing. To be honest, I think you are selfish. You want to sell or trade the ring that your future husband purchased for you to unite your union together? Are you planning on trading him in too when you find another man? Be appreciative for what you have as one day it may be gone.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. - Oscar Wilde

[unknowngirl]

Keep the ring you have. you picked it for a reason. hold on to the reason, and don't worry about the other ring. It is not about the size of the diamond, but the quality, and it sounds like the one you got is good quality. I can understand where your husband is coming from, it would be a little disheartening going to all that effort for something you don't like. Try not to catastrophize. Think of this, you get another ring when you get married, one for your first year of marriage or first child - depending which comes first, and another for your 50th wedding anniversary. You have a lot more time to add to your collection. I have been engaged for a while, and you lose the excitement you have over your ring. Like the above people said, its not about the ring, but what the ring means.

Let the other ring go, and breath

[dem862]

Don't sweat it. In a few years it won't be important. If it is, you can always upgrade. But yeah, what's important is the quality of your relationship, not the quality of your ring.

[VincenzoG91]

The ring is not a ring, it is a symbol of commitment. Your anxiety has been displaced to the ring, but it is really about the engagement. Either that, or you are a very petty person who is lucky to get a ring at all. Think really hard about what is more important in your life: your relationship with this man, or a circular piece of metal and gemstone on your finger.

[Starnique]

I understand that as a woman, you want what you want, especially when it comes to rings and weddings. However, you are being a petty ingrate. Be happy you're getting a ring as the others said. He went way out of the way to make you happy. Seriously. Imagine how he feels. You could've gotten the ring you wanted but you decided otherwise. You should've been patient and looked some more but you just had to get the ring that day. Deal with it. He sounds like a caring guy and tried his best to make you happy. I'm sure he will be more then willing to upgrade the ring when the time is right. Show some appreciation or you might not end up with a ring at all.

What kind of ring did you get him or are you getting him I wonder.

[surfhb2]

Marriage is very hard work.......believe me honey, once you start having a family and effectively maintain your marriage, this won't amount to a hill of beans. LOL !!!

[IndiReloaded]

I've always thought it better to spend the money on a house, but that's just me. I was married with a plain gold band. That's it.

[4 ratties]

Your poor boyfriend

[basilandthyme]

This is so unbelievable, I have to say Troll.

[searock]

I think she really does suffer from anxiety and she really is hurting because of this issue... I know it sounds unbelievable but to some people it is a problem to re-think about their purchases and obsess over stuff like "I should have bought the other thing but now there's no way I can go back, oh my god what did I do why was I so stupid, now it's ruined forever". I mean, I don't think she's trolling and I don't think she's being ungrateful - she genuinely feels bad about this, IMO.

OP, as unknowngirl told you, you will have plenty of other occasions to get the "perfect" ring. It's not like this is the end of anything - you got a beautiful ring that you like and your fiancée likes and he got it for you with all his love and commitment... it's a symbol of his love for you and it's the most beautiful thing :-). Think about how rude those guys at the other jewelry were - would you really feel better, if you had given them your money? I know I wouldn't. I think your decision was the right one and you should forgive yourself because really, there is nothing to forgive in the first place.

By the way, I bet your ring is stunning. Care to post a picture of it :-)?

[basilandthyme]

Well if it is for real, she needs counselling.

[searock]

Yeah, it's one thing to re-think about it and wonder, but to obsess over it and lose sleep over it... yeah.

[Boisdevie]

The BF has the patience of a saint. I'd have killed her and left the body in a shallow grave by now.