Do I keep being accepting and taken for granted?

[=5150=]

We are both 42 with children of our own. Started dating this past spring, and I really fell for her. She got cold feet and dropped contact for over a month. Then contacted me saying how she realized she has to be trusting even thought she was hurt bad before. I resume our relationship and accepted her fear.

Then a month later, she goes out of town and quits returning texts. It was a lack of communication about what we both wanted. Talked things over and again I forgive and forget her dropping contact and then her later regretting it.

Now we've been together about 3 or so great months. She freaks out about the thought of when we introduce each other to our children (which probably would not happen until after the holidays - we are both very cautious about this.) So she wanted time to "think about things." I would have never wanted something like taking a break to think about things because a) I wouldn't have wanted to hurt her and b) would be afraid of losing her.

So for the 3rd time, I've gone through the "grief process" of thinking things are over - but now she wants to keep seeing each other. The thing is, I don't know if I should just take her back and forget. I'm starting to resent the roller-coaster of emotions and feeling disrespected that she feels she can halt things on her terms and expect me to happily take her back and resume our relationship. I really love her, and a couple weeks ago thought we had a great future. Although, I am getting the feeling she will just keep breaking my heart while she figures things out. It has been a horrible feeling all 3 times. I would like to make her feel a little fear of losing our love

Am I being too prideful, or just wising up and stopping a cycle of being taken for granted / not respected?

[basilandthyme]

I'm not sure how prideful comes into the equation. To me, this is about doing what needs to be done to protect yourself.

Dr Phil says that past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour; With this in mind, I think the odds of you getting hurt again are extremely high if you take her back. Unless you're a masochist, I vote that you end things with her once and for all.

[=5150=]

I'm not sure how prideful comes into the equation. To me, this is about doing what needs to be done to protect yourself.

Dr Phil says that past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour; With this in mind, I think the odds of you getting hurt again are extremely high if you take her back. Unless you're a masochist, I vote that you end things with her once and for all.

Thank you for your input. I think you are right, and that's what needs to be done. I guess having a little bit of "what could have been" regret is healthier than having "I knew she would do it to me again" regret. Once is a happening, twice is a coincidence, and three times is a trend. I need to take off the blinders and recognize the trend and do a little self preservation.

[anchel1231]

Great post. I think it is good to respect the love and each other.

[TablesandChairs]

Communicate clearly. Tell her it's not okay to discard a relationship on a whim - she's either in, or she's not. You guys are 42 and not doing anything wrong, so there's really no need for so much secrecy.

If she's not ready, she needs to make that clear and stick to it. She should only resume contact when she's certain she can pursue a relationship. As for you - I think you need to tell her you're taking a step back for your own sake.

[Katerina]

When two people have healthy relationship they are supposed to treat each other with the same respect. It seems like you take things seriously and she does not. Indeed, I think, she is providing partial reinforcement to "hook" you in this relationship. In other words, she treats you miserably most of the time and only once in a while she treats you well in order to keep your involved in that relationship. By the way, such relationships do not have tendency to work in the long.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Dr Phil says that past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour;

Did you know, Dr. Phil is not a doctor?

[Starnique]

Wait a minute, He's not? I love his show.

[waltereed]

Dr. Phil is not a doctor.....but he plays one on tv.