I think he likes me

[amkxoxo]

We dated for months in college. He had just gotten out of an intense 8 month relationship where he got his heart broken. We would do cute things and kiss and go places and sleep together at night (no sex). He was everything I was ever looking for in a guy. He even came to a stage show and sat with my family and watched me. But his heart was broken. He just graduated college and I am still in for my last year. Since he graduated he went home to get his life together. We are now like 50 minutes apart. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship, but that he really liked me and that I deserve the world. We ended school with "lets just see how it goes". He told me he never thought he would end up liking me this much and he never expected this so fast. We left school with no relationship. I figured we were still dating.

During the summer I tried to talk to him all the time and he to me. He seemed to be having a hard time and I think I just didn't get how hard. He has a sickness which sometimes leaves him feeling bad in bed or hospitalized.

During the summer we met up one day. He hugged me and nuzzled me neck all cute. I thought we were on a good path again. I tried to give him concert tickets as a gift for graduating and kiss him. It didn't turn out well and he turned down the tickets feeling uncomfortable with such a large gift when he can't reciprocate it back. He said that he would want to be a great boyfriend and I deserve that, but since he has no money, car, or job yet he has nothing to give me. He says he thinks we could work out in the future. He sad if he didn't like me he would have told me so and the fact that he continues to call proves a point. This is also the guy who told me I had almost every attribute he looks for in a girl and tells me often that I'm perfect and he even said I reminded him of his mother...in a good way because he loves her.

He said for him to be in a relationship he would want to give his all, and he said that he doesn't feel he is prepared to do that at the time. He thinks we go so well together.He told me that when his life permits, he hopes to wake up and realize he loves me and needs me in his life, but since he just got out of a relationship now is not the time. He kept saying, "why now, I don't want us to fail." I do truly believe him. He has a car now and had been trying to save up more for an apartment. He has told me of all amazing stuff he has done for ex girlfriends. He will go into detail about plans he made, and romantic times they had.

He can't do all that stuff for me right now but I deserve that and he wants to give that to me. He said "I know how much I can give in a relationship and I would want to be able to give you my best. I'm not my best right now. I've been sick constantly, not able to talk to you all the time. You deserve someone who can call you all the time. I can't even do that right now. " He went on to say he knows he could be a great boyfriend but now is not the time.

His first big relationship, she was his friend in middle and high school. He dated other girls. Senior year of high school they got together. Then he met his college girlfriend freshmen year. They were friends, and then didn't talk for like a year. They reconnected and he realized he liked her and they got together. Pattern of him pondering until he's ready?

He reassures me occasionally that he still likes me a lot. He said me being at school and he being at home struggling, he thinks we wouldn't make it in a relationship that way. He said he would want us to try 100%, and that he doesn't want us to fail in the long run. He would rather wait and do it when he's ready and were maybe closer together. He then told me that he wants to get married. I think he meant this in general not just to me.

He wanted to marry his ex and could see a life with her and she told him she couldn't have a future with him and dumped him. She seemed to want a totally different life than him and he was blind in love to see that. She seemed to want a totally different guy to be honest. He told me he's terrified of being with the wrong person again. One he told me "I don't want to get hurt." then he re phrased "I dont want wither of us to get hurt".

He told me stuff she said to him and it seems to plague him often. She told him that his sickness caused all of the problems in their relationship. This kills him inside all the time. He cant help it. She told him that she felt like she couldn't be happy with him around. Because he wanted to be her friend after she broke up with him. She now has a new boyfriend. He tries to be friends with her and she sometimes comes around but she seems to not care about him at all. He gets mad because she calls once in a blue moon and says she is checking up on him. She hasn't called him in a while.


He holds what she says in such high regard. It hurts him inside and he always say "I am such a good boyfriend" or "I would be such a good boyfriend" I think he feels so down about his last relationship that he like tries and reminds himself he is a good person. When he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship he felt bad and kept saying "I hurt you, I didn't mean to, I hurt you..." But at the same time calling to flirt with me and talking about other girls that flirt with you is hurtful.

When I questioned him about leading me on, he told me that if he didn't like me anymore he would have stopped calling or told me straight off the bat and he didn't. He has told me of girls he has openly told " I don't like you or have feelings for you." Some he told right off the bat when they showed interest, others he dated and didn't like. He is very blunt with them. He then told me "did I ever say anything like that to you." when I replied 'no' he then said "yeah see because if I did I would be lying and I can't lie to you." I think he also saw that I was getting super attached and wanted more from him and he wasn't willing to give it at the time. I didn't realize the struggle he was going through in the summer and I think it might have been his way of trying to hold me at arms length.

We didn't talk for about a month after the talk in the summer because he was very sick. He called me as soon as he was out of the hospital.

He started calling me. He told me I was perfect in every sense of the word. He was wonderful. He called a week later. Was being a flirt, and was even trying to make me jealous.

Our last convo on the phone he told me he appreciated so much that I was such a presence in his last semester at college. He said he was so happy I was there and that nobody else did anything to try and make his last semester great and I was always right there with something fun for us to do or places to go. He said thank you.


He facebook chatted me and we were talking about getting in shape. He ended up sending me a shirtless pic of himself and I just pretended I didn't care about him at all.


So like a week after the facebook convo I broke my ankle. I can't really walk. I get a text from Kyle (him). I didn't respond because I was in the emergency room. He then texted again like an hour later So he was definitely trying to reach me.

I give him a call when I get home. He tells me he is on a train on his way to our college to visit. He wanted to tell me. I tell him what happened to me and he seems to feel bad. We talk for like 20 mins. I was disappointed because he went out to bars that night with all his friends and I sat at home not moving. I knew he wanted to spend some time with his friends and I'm not the type of girl to demand all of his time, because friends are important.

Apparently the next morning my roommate sees him on campus and runs over and tells him that he should come and see me because I needed help. Halfway through the day He texts and he asks me if im hungry and I say "yes" because I cant get up to get food. He says he will come and I say "whatever" he gets mad and calls me and asks me if I want him to come or not because I didn't seem overly excited. I tell him to come if he wants or if he doesn't want to then don't. He decides to come, but misses the bus. He ends up walking a good two miles to my apartment. I kind of thought it was sweet cause if he really didn't care he wouldn't walk all that way. He tells me his lunch plans fell through and some friends kind of ditched him. I question if I was a last choice sometimes. Like if all his buddies were going drinking and out to the bars would he have come to see me....probably not.

He gets here and starts taking care of me. He asks to lay down on my bed because he feels sick. He lays down. He then tells me to sit down because of my foot. I lay next to him and he grabs my waist and pulls me toward him. We cuddle. We kiss and makeout.

We get up for a while and end up laughing and watching some videos. We cuddle again and end up making out. I was happy. I told him that he shouldn't expect more (sex which we haven't had) because I want a commitment first. He said that he doesn't want me to change my beliefs and that is one of the reasons he likes me so much. He told me that if he was looking to "get some" from a girl, he wouldn't be in my apartment because I'm not someone easy.

I let him take my car and we got out for dinner. He insists on paying and I praise him a ton. We go back to my place and hop back into bed. We have an hour before my friends are coming over for a bon fire. We get all hot and heavy again even more than before. I make it clear to him again that if he wants more I want a commitment. He says he knows and he tells me "I'm off the market to everyone right now, with my life its just better that way currently."That just proves to me that he isn't going and seeing other girls, and he even told me that he hasn't slept with anyone since just before we started dating, and it was more a rebound girl.


Then at one point I even called him out and looked him straight in the eye and said "You have no intention of ever making me your girlfriend." He looked shocked and he goes "Can I please have the lottery numbers oh great mind reader... you have no idea what I think or have on my mind on that topic, and that's not true."

The fire started. He gets along with my friends and some of his friends end up coming as well. All his friends love me and we get along great. It got so late he ended up going back in my room and falling asleep because he still didn't feel too good. I went to wake him when his buddies were leaving because he was staying with them so he was suppose to go home with them. I then just told him to stay with me and that he was tired and didn't feel good. He was unsure but didn't really make a move to leave still swaddled in my blankets. He then asked me if I truly wanted him to stay and I said yes, and he even made me say that I wanted him to stay to be sure. He stayed with me all night and I drove him to the train this morning. I felt bad, I never offered him breakfast. Halfway to the station I kept apologizing and telling him I was so scatter brained. He was fine with it and told me that since I cant walk he didn't expect me to and that he just appreciates the ride. I was so focused on getting him there on time and him not being late and that fact that I cant walk I'm just so focused on getting around that I forgot to give him anything.

He said he was so glad to see me and we hugged a ton in the car. I miss him so much. We texted all while he was on the train home. Though he probably didn't have anything else to do. Laughing, and flirting. I mean I feel like I was more myself during this whole weekend than I ever have been. I stood my ground and told him what was mostly on my mind and he seemed to like it. We aren't together still, but I am reassured that he isn't on the prowl for other women either......I'm so confused I haven't seen or talked to him since I dropped him off to go home and the text messages on the train. A week ago he deleted his facebook so I texted him to see wat was up. He gave me generic answers and it went back and forth a couple time. I reached out to him that if he needed to talk because he seemed upset and he said no. I was sad because he didn't ask about my foot. I wonder if he doesn't realize how bad my injury actually is. I saw a doctor and its pretty bad.

The weekend visit and train ride was three weeks ago. I consider that the last time we really "talked", because two or three generic text messages are nothing special to me.

Were both 21. I know in my heart I am a good person and my mom tells me all the time but its heard to feel 100% confident when he isn't at your doorstep with flowers fighting for you because your worth it. I am also having such a hard time with my self image ever since my accident. Even before my accident my distress over my relationship status has had my hair falling out all summer and my acne raging. Now combined with my accident I feel so down on myself. I feel unattractive. To top it all off, I love exercising and now I can't due any because of my injury so I feel like I am slowly but surely gaining weight. I sit and think why would he want you now anyway? I have to wear a big black boot on my broken foot. I feel stupid. I feel like a burden to people because I can barely walk and need crutches everywhere. I went out with some friends tonight and we were all walking down a street and the three of them walked in front of me and I crutched behind them. They didn't realize what they were doing and they are all nice friends but it killed me inside. Like it makes me not want to go out even more than I already can't. To top it all off two of the three were boyfriend girlfriend and they were holding hands and being all cute and it killed me inside and tore me up because I want that so so bad.

I tell myself all the time "you haven't done anything wrong" He has even told me this. People think I'm sad because of my injury and a part of it is, but a large chunk is because of him. I miss him. I need him. Not to seem shallow, but I need him to say "your so pretty" because I feel like I look stupid. Or to tell me he wants me so I feel like I am worthy. I need to lean on someone and he isn't my boyfriend and he isn't here. He doesn't know how I feel, but he hasn't checked in to ask and I feel like even if I did I wouldn't tell him because he isn't my boyfriend. I asked him many times when he would be back to visit. He said he didn't know. His roommates birthday is a couple Thursdays from now and he will be back for that. I hoped he would be able to come in that Thursday and stay for the weekend so h could be with his buddies for a couple days and me for a couple too, but he told me he probably has to leave the day after his birthday because his parents need him at home. I'm sad because that means no time for me. I don't know what to do at this point.

[TheEvilJester]

Honestly, this is a case where it is a little hard to tell without being closer to the picture. Truthfully, guys can be idiots... and I am a guy saying that. It could very well be that he doesn't mean to be playing games with you. During parts of your story, it certainly sounds like he truly does care.

Then again, parts of your story make it sound like the typical story of a guy SAYING her cares when he is really just playing games with a woman's emotions. I certainly hope that is not the case. However, the important thing to remember is that, whether he means it this way or not, the result is still the same. Whether he means to play games with you or not, you are still left with the same hurt and uncertainty.

Bottom line is you deserve better than that. "Better than that" could very well be him, but if not you need to realize that you deserve better, and can find better, and move on. I know this is never easy to do, but the best thing to do would be to, once and for all, discuss it with him. I saw it put very well in another thread, and I really liked the way this was put... You want to discuss it with him in as non-confrontational a way as possible. Basically, just level with him. Tell him how you feel. That you think you and he could have something special, but you cannot wait forever. At the same time, you understand he is going through a lot of stuff and needs some time. That is fine. But, you cannot wait forever.

And here is the hard part.... you need to mean it. For your own sake, you have to be ready to leave the relationship if he cannot get out of his funk. Honestly, that isn't even saying anything against him. Could truly be he just needs time. But, you can't be left hanging forever, whether his intentions are noble or not. You deserve somebody who can be there for you. Hopefully that can be him, but if not then Mr. Right is just out there waiting for you somewhere else. Good luck.

[smackie9]

Give up on this guy, he still has his sights on his ex and will for a very long time. He isn't playing with you, he already told you he isn't ready, he's still healing. He is just looking to you for comfort and that's it. If you are not getting what YOU want out of it, then just walk. If he contacts you, tell him you agree he needs time to heal, and this is just bad timing so you are moving on to find someone who is ready. That's pretty straight forward. You can't change his mind, how he is feeling will take probably over a year as he waits to see if his ex will come back.

[amkxoxo]

I appreciate your responses. I feel like they both have insights that could be true. His ex started seeing someone last spring and has been with this guy since. so she has moved on. she told him she cant see a life with him in the future and she has moved on. I understand him needing time to heal because I have done it. But she obviously isn't running back to him. He will outwardly say "I realize I wasn't treated well in that relationship." but then he will claim that he respects her and blah blah blah. He needs to realize that she doesn't care about him at all and she left him high and dry. I feel like he keeps trying to see the good in the relationship and there isn't any she is wrong for him and she hurt him. she isn't a good person. I feel bad because when we were dating we used to talk about the winter dance at out college. He told me how he asked his girlfriend at the time to go last year because he really wanted to go because he had heard from me and my friends how fun it was. She turned down going with him and even told him she would rather go with a group of her girlfriends to have a good time. She also broke up with him weeks after this. since I still go to school here I told him he could be my date. He seemed so excited about it last semester and would even tell his roommates "hey alex is taking me to winter formal" with this big grin on his face. It isn't until December but I don't know what to do now. I still want to ask him but idk??

[bubble]

I'd say back off a little, try not to obsess over it and give him and yourself some time to think things over. You do deserve better and you should look for it. It seems like he's not sure himself what he wants from you, if he wants a gf or just a shoulder to cry on until he feels better and is off to find someone new. I realise he says all these things, but do you trust them to be true?

[smackie9]

It doesn't matter if she has moved on, you can't change what he feels in his heart....he still has some hope even tho it's fruitless to do so.

You are better to back off and if by chance you both are single next year, then give it a try, but right now and probably for a long time he won't be in the right place for a relationship. You don't want to end up being his rebound, so stay clear.

[HeartIsAching]

Smackie nailed it. One thing most women could learn is to take men at face value. You said he said he wasn't ready for or looking for a relationship. Guess what that means?

[amkxoxo]

I'd say back off a little, try not to obsess over it and give him and yourself some time to think things over. You do deserve better and you should look for it. It seems like he's not sure himself what he wants from you, if he wants a gf or just a shoulder to cry on until he feels better and is off to find someone new. I realise he says all these things, but do you trust them to be true?

I want to trust him and a large part of me does but he did date one of my friends years ago and he dumped her. she made up all this horrible stuff about him. he has openly told me what happened with him and her and his stories seem to make more sense than my friend (who is known to be a lying drama queen) I have to admit. He was a senior and there was this big dance at the end of school for seniors. to bring a guest you had to pay 25 dollars. I waited for him to ask me and he never did. I wasn't disappointed because I figured he was low on money ( he really had like a few dollars in his pocket) The night of the dance we were cuddling. he told me he wanted to take me and that he tried. I was just like "Oh" ...thinking well its kinda late now we missed it. He then was like "well you should atleast tell me your flattered I wanted to take you." he's a nice guy but in my head I was like you didn't ask me why should I praise you?? They also had a family bbq for seniors. he hinted to me a week before it that I should go with some of my friends or I should just go. He never asked me to go with him and his family. after the bbq we were hanging out and he told me I missed out and could have gone. I retorted that he should have asked me and he stated "I did you didn't want to go." I feel like he's a lot of words and no action.

[amkxoxo]

Oh my goodness. I read up on (the spoon theory) it almost has me in tears. I try to understand him and sometimes think I do because I have had so many sick family members but I truly will never understand him because he is him. He has tried to tell me this. I try and be so understanding of him. Like his month stint in the hospital. He called me after and I was so cool, calm, and collected. He thought I would be mad he didn't tell me or hadn't called me but I wasn't. I told him that Yes I was worried for him but I figured he was sick and it was all fine. He was so happy because his ex was super mad at him and got all snippy when he got out of the hospital that he didn't call and tell her he was sick. He kept saying that I was perfect and he was so astonished that I didn't understand that I was. I feel so bad because maybe I expect too much of him. I don't feel like I do. Its nice to spend time with people I like time and I like knowing I'm worthy. Going out to dinner once and a while is nice too but I don't need it. When he came to visit he didn't feel good.

He asked me what I wanted to eat and he offered up ordering food or he said he would go to the store and buy food and cook for me. I insisted we go out because I hadn't seen the light of day because I couldn't walk. I let him drive which I think he liked and he said he didn't mind. He was so sick and pale at the restaurant and I told him I was sorry and that we could go back as soon as possible. He said it was fine. He only ordered a salad, so I knew he was sick because he's a huge hearty meal kinds of guy. I sat eating my heart out because I was hungry. I told him that when we got back to my place he could nap in my bed until my friends came for the bon fire and that I would just do chores. He then asked me why I wouldn't come to bed with him too, and I caved and said I would. When we got back we hoped into bed and got all touchy feely hot and heavy. When my friends came he still didn't feel good and asked to rest more before coming out. I was so fine with it and even gave him some medicine and told him to get anything he wanted from the fridge he needed. I went and entertained my friends. I kept coming up to get stuff from my room and he was just resting. He eventually came out and looked better. I think he still felt sick though because he jumped back into my bed at the end of the night too.

I feel so bad. at one point when we were making out I told him that he kisses me one day and wont call me for weeks after it. he got all snippy and was like "well if im sick I cant call you" yada yada...I didn't mean when he was sick im so understanding if he is. when he's not he doesn't call me either all the time. like one night months ago I kinda got an attitude with him on the phone because he called me at midnight and I was sick of being a late night call girl. he tried to explain and told me "what did you want me to leave my dads birthday party to call you." I of course denied it and said "of course not but what about every other night."

Am I so wrong?? Do I not get it? Am I being unreasonable? I just want to spend time with him and sometimes I just don't understand why we cant. I don't get it. I feel like I grew up around so much sickness and taking care of sick people, I thought I got him. I feel like I worry so much about "me" and what he thinks of me and what I do wrong ....maybe im wrong. Do I expect too much? I'm not a material girl. I just like to be reassured that i'm loved and wanted. I like time. he knows this. One time during the summer I went No contact on him. He texted two days later apologizing for "I'm know how much you value time and I'm sorry I haven't been able to give lots of it to you, I hope you are doing well." I was still mad. I just didn't get it. I feel super selfish. I always want to like go out and do fun stuff with him. Im fine with us just relaxing watching tv. maybe he feels obligated to give me lots of attention and time and that's why he holds me at arms length. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

[smackie9]

Let him go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If he truly cares, he will repect that you won't play this game with him......that he needs to leave it for now and get his head on straight before reconsidering seeing you. You need to tell him you need to protect your feelings.

[smackie9]

You can hope, pray, kick, scream, whine and cry like a baby......it's not going to change anything.

[Boisdevie]

I'm a bit late arriving here. Can anyone sum it up in less than a gazillion ferking words.

[HeartIsAching]

Yeah:

They're fooling around, she wants a relationship, he said he's not into that right now, she won't be convinced that he means what he says.