I need some advice please

[asadikeen]

My girlfriend and I have been together for two and a half years yesterday. Well, we mutually broke up about a month ago and things have been hectic ever since. The reason we broke up was because for the past year, she said I was not treating her right. I completely agree with this, she was putting in 80 percent while i was going the other 20. That day when we broke up, I was upset but I did not let it get the best of me. About two days later after it sunk in, I realized what a huge mistake i made and i then tried to fight to get her back. I bought her flowers and dinner and left it for her in her room (she lives with one of my best friends so her house is easy access) while she was at work. She got home and loved the gift and we immediately got back together, but did not put any official tittle on it yet. Two days later she told me she couldnt do it anymore. She said she doesnt love herself, and in order to love herself, she cant love anyone else. I also asked her if we ever had a chance of getting back together and she said yes, eventually. We constantly see eachother as if we were still together, but she does not keep in contact with me as she used to. Just yesterday I took her out to a beautiful dinner on top of the John Hancock(Chicago), and we enjoyed some great food with a great view of the city and for one night we forgot about all our problems. There are times when everything seems normal, but then in the blink of the eye she is telling me to leave her room because she wants to be alone. Im confused, I dont know what to do. This past month I have been fighting so hard to get her back and I feel like everything has flipped, she is going 20 and im going 80. I dont even remember the last time she texted or called me without me doing it first. She is 22, and I am 20, and she keeps telling me that I am so young and because this is my first serious relationship, she wants me to be with someone else, and when Im ready, come back to her. This just seems ridiculous to me, I do not want to do that because I love her. She tells me she is afraid of getting hurt again. What do I do? Do i give her some space? Do i continue fighting like im doing now? Im willing to do anything it takes to get her back because I never realized what i had until she was gone. Any help would be greatly appreciated, thank you.

[atir12]

It sounds like she has some self-trust issues. And it's just ridiculous that she wants you to be in another realtionship to gain some experience only to get back to her afterward. That's BS and you should tell her that's not fair that it bothers you she's even asking you to do such thing. I say give her some time, she's probably super confused and doesn't know what to think. If you really don't want to lose her, just make sure to tell her that you're sorry you didn't give all your best but that you know better now and that you will try your best. Just have a serious conversation with her, tell her that and then let her think and give her some space, don't insist too much. If she's out, the only thing you can do now is to learn from it and start treating your future girlfriends the right way. If she gives you a second chance, which I honestly think you deserve, make sure you don't make the same mistake again.

[smackie9]

She isn't being completely honest with you. I bet money on it, she is not in love with you anymore, just emotionally attached but doesn't understand it, or she's too afraid to tell you.

Stop fighting and back off. The heart grows fonder if you put some distance between ya. This will give her time to figure out if she needs to move on or not.

[asadikeen]

She isn't being completely honest with you. I bet money on it, she is not in love with you anymore, just emotionally attached but doesn't understand it, or she's too afraid to tell you.

Stop fighting and back off. The heart grows fonder if you put some distance between ya. This will give her time to figure out if she needs to move on or not.

You think so? I still feel like she loves me because of all the effort she put in in the past. All those feelings cant be gone instantly. Sure I'm the one that attempts to see her but when were together she's the one getting close to me and asking me to sleep over. She always reinforces how she still wants to see me and does not want to cut me off. Would it be a good idea to show her this posting and see if it has any impact? I'm definitely going to give her some space though. I want to see if she will fight back.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Put this same amount of effort into chasing other girls, and watch how quickly she comes back. Stop calling her. When she calls you, tell her not to call you unless she wants to get back together. She's having fun watching you pine over her. Go after other girls and bring her back down to earth.

[asadikeen]

Put this same amount of effort into chasing other girls, and watch how quickly she comes back. Stop calling her. When she calls you, tell her not to call you unless she wants to get back together. She's having fun watching you pine over her. Go after other girls and bring her back down to earth.

So basically make her jealous? I feel like that's just playing a game which I don't like to do. Also she's didn't from other girls. She doesnt play games either. Quick question though, like I stated above she lives with one of my good friends. Should I continue to hang out with my friend at his house even though I know she might be there? My only concern is that she might think that I'm trying to see her when I'm truly trying to hang out with my friend.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I'm not saying make her jealous. I'm saying stop showing her any attention, and actually start pursuing other girls. If she comes back, then you can decide what to do, but if not, you're already living life without her. You should still hang out with your friend, but don't speak to her unless you bump into her in the hallway or something, and then only say 'hey' and keep going. Stop caring what she might think. Let her go. Stop fighting. You said you see her a lot, is she still sleeping with you? If she is, then keep doing that, but don't spend the night, and stop all the dinners and flowers and what not.

[asadikeen]

I'm not saying make her jealous. I'm saying stop showing her any attention, and actually start pursuing other girls. If she comes back, then you can decide what to do, but if not, you're already living life without her. You should still hang out with your friend, but don't speak to her unless you bump into her in the hallway or something, and then only say 'hey' and keep going. Stop caring what she might think. Let her go. Stop fighting. You said you see her a lot, is she still sleeping with you? If she is, then keep doing that, but don't spend the night, and stop all the dinners and flowers and what not.

Seems logical enough. How long should I wait before I text or call her? Its going to be too hard to not talk to her for a long time because I'm so used to talking to her everyday. If she contacts me should I talk to her? If she atempts to get close to me if I'm sitting on the couch or something should I fight it? After that dinner we slept together and I haven't talked to her since. Maybe its s good note to leave off of. Also, one of my friends asked for advice about a girl from her and she said ''girls want to be chased so chase her'' that's basicslly why I have been trying so hard for the past couple weeks.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

When you chase something, it runs.

She said she wants you to be with other people. So, go be with other people. Doesn't mean you have to stop seeing her. It will definitely make seeing her easier, and it will make saying no to her easier too when you want to. Like I originally said, you can also tell her not to speak to you at all unless she wants to get back together. She's an attention whore, and a drama queen, so you'll probably get your answer fairly quickly. Whatever you do, stop catering to her, and start doing things on your own terms. If you don't have the balls to not contact her, then you deserve to be used by her.

[asadikeen]

When you chase something, it runs.

She said she wants you to be with other people. So, go be with other people. Doesn't mean you have to stop seeing her. It will definitely make seeing her easier, and it will make saying no to her easier too when you want to. Like I originally said, you can also tell her not to speak to you at all unless she wants to get back together. She's an attention whore, and a drama queen, so you'll probably get your answer fairly quickly. Whatever you do, stop catering to her, and start doing things on your own terms. If you don't have the balls to not contact her, then you deserve to be used by her.

Its not that she is using me. Honestly when we started dating I had nothing to offer her so I know she actually loved me. I'm just confused as to if this is a test because of all the effort she put in to make this relationshio work. I don't know if she wants me to fight for it, and I'm afraid that if I don't fight she might just become distant and think that I never loved her because I just let it go. We still hang out but not as much because she's been going to the bars more with her friends.
But when were together as of recently we have been acting like boyfriend and girlfriend. I didn't ask her to sleep over yesterday and I think she's been pissed because she hasn't called me yet.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Going to the bars more with her friends basically means banging a bunch of dudes. She's using your contact to get over you, and if you remain in contact you should do the same..keep nailing her while going after other girls. Or just tell her to you don't want any contact from her unless she wants to be in a relationship. Showing that you will sacrifice all contact with her unless the relationship survives, is fighting for the relationship.

[asadikeen]

Going to the bars more with her friends basically means banging a bunch of dudes. She's using your contact to get over you, and if you remain in contact you should do the same..keep nailing her while going after other girls. Or just tell her to you don't want any contact from her unless she wants to be in a relationship. Showing that you will sacrifice all contact with her unless the relationship survives, is fighting for the relationship.

How sure are you about this? Maybe shes just going to the bar to get drunk and get her mind off of things? She insisted that she is not seeing anyone else and for some odd reason, I believe her when she said that. I just want to reinforce that she fought REALLY hard while we were still boyfriend and girlfriend to make this relationship work. Now i cant help but feel like its my turn to do the same.

[smackie9]

Well has it worked for you so far?

[asadikeen]

Well has it worked for you so far?

Honestly at times its worked really well. Sometimes she will call me out of the blue once she gets off work to hang out and sleep over and I do that since my work/school is right by her house. Other times however when i know she hasnt come home for a night and she doesnt attempt to get in contact with me at all really, really bothers me. I just continue to think the worst.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

When a girl tells you to see other people, it's pretty much an admission that she already is or plans to.

I bet she will break if she finds out you actually have been seeing other girls, even if she says she's cool with it now. Girls who say this are either truly not interested in you or they are playing games. You gotta just quit being a bitch, and stop letting her and the relationship dictate how you behave. If you don't show her any attention other than to **** her and send her on her way(no sleepovers), she'll be all over you again. Don't let that fool you though. No matter how nice she is, you should keep seeing other girls until she begs you to take her back.

You have to send the message that you are okay without her.