Question for the females... Am I in the friend zone?

[IfOnlyItMatters]

So here's the thing, 2 years ago this chicks boyfriend got killed. I've known her for 2 months or so, we talk almost every week. Last week, I sent her flowers and a teddy bear (for her daughter)

The other day, I asked her if she was "interested" in talking. Not dating, but talking. She said we can be friends, she was content with being single. So all I said to her was it was "all good" and what not. Then today, I get a text from her saying this.

"you can still text & be my friend ya know"

which I responded to as, "I know, i'm at work".

I told her I just been having a rough few days which is why I didn't talk to her. (Which is true)


When I got on break I texted her this.

"Ya i'm not mad or anything, it is what it is. I was prepared for it, lol didn't wanna always think the "what if" ya know? whoever dates you or whatever is definitely a lucky guy though you're an awesome girl. You don't come across alot like you"

in her response she texted back

"Awe thank you. I'm not looking for a relationship right now. I'm still emotionally ****ed up. it wouldn't be fair to do that to someone"



Do you think i'm in the friend zone, or do I have a chance?

[basilandthyme]

I know you're keen on her but how can "I'm not looking for a relationship right now. I'm still emotionally ****ed up. it wouldn't be fair to do that to someone" be translated as her being open to having a relationship with you?

[IfOnlyItMatters]

I know you're keen on her but how can "I'm not looking for a relationship right now. I'm still emotionally ****ed up. it wouldn't be fair to do that to someone" be translated as her being open to having a relationship with you?

I don't know. I can take this 2-3 different ways. I'm not sure if it's "I like you but i'm too emotionally ****ed up right now" or whatever.

I've been trying to look at it from a girls perspective. It's hard because I get alot of mixed singles.

Like, I haven't gotten the "I don't see you like that, or I only see you as a friend"

[DalM0m]

Texting is the world's worst form of communication. It is impossible to get any subtext from that.

However, my read on this girl already is that she's a game player. Chase is her favorite & she wants you to chase her. She's telling you that she doesn't want to be in a relationship which I usually advise people to interpret as "I don't want to be in a relationship with you." However, her 1st text to you giving you permission to contact her indicates to me that she wants to be pursued. She's looking for the white knight, prince charming to sweep her off her feet & make her whole life better. That's pretty unrealistic but if you want to put in the time & effort flirt with her, court her, prop up her ego, you can probably get her to go out with you if you never come on directly.

While you are playing this cat & mouse game with her, to stay out of the friend zone don't talk about emotional subjects with her. You can't be her sounding board to talk about her feelings. Once you go there, you will never be seen as BF material.

If you aren't into all these head games, pick another girl.

[smackie9]

Women will stop at nothing to have a guy they are totally into.......yes you are totally friend zoned.

[IfOnlyItMatters]

Texting is the world's worst form of communication. It is impossible to get any subtext from that.

However, my read on this girl already is that she's a game player. Chase is her favorite & she wants you to chase her. She's telling you that she doesn't want to be in a relationship which I usually advise people to interpret as "I don't want to be in a relationship with you." However, her 1st text to you giving you permission to contact her indicates to me that she wants to be pursued. She's looking for the white knight, prince charming to sweep her off her feet & make her whole life better. That's pretty unrealistic but if you want to put in the time & effort flirt with her, court her, prop up her ego, you can probably get her to go out with you if you never come on directly.

While you are playing this cat & mouse game with her, to stay out of the friend zone don't talk about emotional subjects with her. You can't be her sounding board to talk about her feelings. Once you go there, you will never be seen as BF material.

If you aren't into all these head games, pick another girl.

I don't really think she's doing all that. Like I said her ex was shot and killed 2 years ago. I can't see her doing that at all. She's been pretty straight forward with me. How do you see that's what she's doing?

[searock]

I've been trying to look at it from a girls perspective.

LOL, just listen to what she told you (several times already). She isn't interested in a relationship with you.

[DalM0m]

I don't really think she's doing all that. Like I said her ex was shot and killed 2 years ago. I can't see her doing that at all. She's been pretty straight forward with me. How do you see that's what she's doing?

Sorry. I missed that the 1st time; reading too fast on line. Of course she is going to be an emotional mess,

Based on what you did post: her telling you that she doesn't want to be in a relationship then texting you to give you permission if not an outright order to keep contact her -- those two opposite behaviors -- leave me alone v. keeping chatting with me -- are the hallmarks of game playing to me.

Because her EX died, however, she might not know her own mind. In that case, I would abide by her statement that she doesn't want a relationship & back off. My advice for how to stay out of the friend zone still stands, though but it sounds like she could use a friend so you have a choice to make.

[searock]

Advice: if you hope to have a relationship with her one day, do NOT "stay friends" with her right now. Tell her to contact you if she ever changes her mind about dating you, and don't contact her again.

[IfOnlyItMatters]

Advice: if you hope to have a relationship with her one day, do NOT "stay friends" with her right now. Tell her to contact you if she ever changes her mind about dating you, and don't contact her again.

When she texted, I replied back. Then asked her the next day how her day was going. Have not got a text from her since then. And I haven't texted her either. I'm always over her friends house (that lives next door) but I haven't been over lately. Her friend asked to hang out last night (which she obvisiouly has a crush on me) but I def don't like her. I basically act as if she doesn't exist. Pretty shitty considering she's an awesome girl. I just think she's being shallow and i'm not her type. I don't think i'll ignore her but i'm not going to text her first, and when she does text me she's going to be waiting a while for a response

[Mocca]

Friend zone, if that. Sounds like she's playing you.

[Orsba]

I think you are in the friend zone... but who knows... she may change her mind later in the future.

[Emilieya]

It's hard to tell but I think that for now you're more in the friend zone but I do feel that she likes you because if she's texting you and telling you that you can text her then it means that she is interested.

I wish you good luck with everything