to be, or not to be...

[jackbenimble]

Just stumbled to your website, looking to ask anyone willing to listen. I have growing feelings for my roommate danniel. Shes been living with me for over a year during which we've both dated other people off and on. But until now neither of us has been single at the same time. I first introduced myself to her as an advance, though she had a boy friend at the time. Then, she nicely told me she was with someone and I left it at that. A short time later she was between houses and I offered to rent her a room. (Personally i did it to get coser to her but she was also a friend of a friend and otherwise she would have to move back to south carolina) She has been staying here ever since. Over the last year she also had a fling with our other roommate who recently moved out. I kept my distance then because he had approached me asking if I would not interfere. He also thought I might have been sleeping with her. At that time she didnt have a bed and had been sleeping with me, though I never made a move on her since I couldnt be sure if she was sleeping in my bed simply because I had the biggest bed in the house, or if I gave her some comfort. (Though we certainly came closer on those nights than platonic friends should). As I said, recently the other roommate moved out and I am finding myself falling back into those thoughts and feelings (though they never really left).but now I am in a different kind of dilemma. I feel as though if I remind her of my feelings I may injure the relationship we have now. She is a great friend, a wonderful roomie and an integral part of our home. I dont want to lose that by making her uncomfortable. But I dont want to not go for it either. Since the other rooroommate left iv begun to fill whatever need she has for someone to be playful with and 'cuddle'. Very often it feels as though we'll kiss, but then the moment passes. Its completly frustrating if you catch my drift. And, to add more confusion to the mix, she is bisexual, and says she enjoys women over men. But from what iv seen, shes only really l dated men. Btw - if you couldnt tell already, we are in the college age bracket. Though none of us actually go to college. We are all bartenders, im 26 myself, shes 22. - anyway, if at all you find the time to answer my question that would be great. In the mean time, ill go back to

'dwelling on it in detroit'.

[smackie9]

I doubt very highly she will be the best candidate for a romantic relationship....as you noticed her dating men is just a revolving door. And don't think for a minute that guys are the ones that make the approach for a relationship....if she wanted one with you she would have made it known by now. I say you would just end up being a sort of FWB, and nothing more.

She has plainly put it out there that she's not interested in something serious when she told you that she digs chicks more than guys.....that was pretty much directed at you that she's not really interested.

[jackbenimble]

Cant argue too much there. Other than too say, she is a very sweet person outside of my own inkling to compliment her. In her last relationship she was very loyal, and they only seperatted after a year or so because he cheated with his ex. That being said, she has fun, as do I. And personally a relationship is really what im looking for. As far as the sexual preferences go. It was never directed at me. That was something we all knew of long before I approached her the first time. Iv just come to understand the specifics. But I could be wrong. Maybe thats just a defense mechanism. (Though obviously she does like women as well) iv seen her use that excuse to get men to leave her alone.

[DalM0m]

Dating somebody you already live with is very tricky. You can't be casual so you have to go from nothing to fully exclusive immediately. It can be a very bad idea because when it's over somebody has to move. She doesn't sound like she's looking for an exclusive relationship & you don't sound like you want to be a one night stand then see the parade of men in & out of her bedroom down the hall. Tread lightly & try to find yourself a different distraction.

[jackbenimble]

Well im ok as a fwb as well. Though it would have to be exclusive. I dont play well with others. Which defeats the point. Eventually there will be feelings. And I could easily see it leading to problems with other men. Which is exactly why I feel like we have never moved forward. The threat of failure being too high a cost imo. But all of this playing around is def a 'courting affair'

[jackbenimble]

Thats about where im at at the moment. But....lol shes so god damn cute.