Workplace romances: Should the stigma die?

[tariqblaze]

Should the old stigma on workplace romances be removed? Is it just old taboos?

It is understood that many workplace relationships can get messy, but for some relationships they are exceptional to the rules with two very consenting adults under unfortunate circumstances. Still with some workplaces, the rules and regulations make it impossible for anything to happen or the social stigma does the same and two individuals who are perfect for each other never speak again because of this stigma.

Should the rules for workplaces relationships be removed and let each case be judged accordingly?

For employee/non employee (power balance) relationships, should there really be a time limit for sparking said relationship? If so how long?

If not then where else are good places to find relationships especially if you are the shy type and not willing to talk to strangers except by people you are forced to know like forced workplace relationships/schools, etc?

[DalM0m]

I think the social stigma died a long time ago.

However boss / employee relationships are still bad for business.

A good place to find relationships if you are the shy type is through mutual friends & by getting involved in groups that focus on an interest of yours. You will have "work" of sorts to do in the group but you already know what you have in common. On-line dating can also help to ease you into a comfortable place with a new person.

[dickriculous]

We're talking about grown ass men and women here, telling them who they can and can't date is ridiculous. You should be held to that responsibility by yourself, especially since many jobs will force you to make far more impacting decisions across a far broader spectrum and a much more far reaching scope - sometimes on a daily basis.

The main argument i hear against this is that if things turn sour you have to see the other person at work anyway and that will impact your work performance. This is on the individual and my thoughts are that as an individual you need to hold yourself to the standard of having the kind of self awareness to where you would know ahead of time if that will be a problem. If you know it would be then by all means refrain from dating in the workplace, but if you know you're the type of person who can handle it then why not?

From an employer's point of view, my thoughts on this would be that if two of my subordinates want to date each other and things go sour, I still hold them to the same standards as I did before things went sour or before they started dating. If they meet those standards, great. If they can't then they get replaced by people who can. Meeting my standards is something you agreed to upon employment and being butthurt over a choice you made all by yourself to date someone and it didn't work out isn't an excuse for going back on the agreement that you made to meet the standards that you agreed to meet.

[Wakeup]

One of the best ways to get over someone with speed and to the point of indifference to them is to go No Contact/Zero.

If you're seeing them everyday after a breakup, it's going to take you longer to process that breakup IMO. Pretty hard to go no contact or zero contact when you're stading beside them on the assembly line. (assembly line is sarcasm btw O.o).

[smackie9]

I dated someone I went to school with and I dated someone from work.....never did either again.

I have worked for my company for 23 years....I have seen some disruptive activity in the workplace when people dated co-workers. As a boss, it interferes with production and increases needless gossip....

[tariqblaze]

I think the social stigma died a long time ago.

However boss / employee relationships are still bad for business.

A good place to find relationships if you are the shy type is through mutual friends & by getting involved in groups that focus on an interest of yours. You will have "work" of sorts to do in the group but you already know what you have in common. On-line dating can also help to ease you into a comfortable place with a new person.

What about workplace relationships that are not coworker/coworker types but employee/non employee types (for example teacher/student, doctor/patient etc)? There surely is still stigma attached to those.


Dont do online dating anymore. It turns out that that is actually the worst form of dating ever. You never know who you are talking to actually in many cases. Games and misinterpretations occur through lack of in person inference. It is much more time consuming and costly with the need of proper webcams, internet services, dating services/sites. Just a waste of time for the most part. No thank you.

Mutual friends also dont work for shy types if the shy types dont have any friends to begin with because they are already non-social to begin with.

I have done volunteer work and I dont usually find matches there because I am only there to work and help not to form friendships. Also with groups, a shy type doesnt feel comfortable talking in front of others, and being in a group that means the interactions will be in display in front of others, Something to shy away from.


That only leaves, work/school with the forced interactions of such (work more than school) but because of the stigma, even all that is ruled out as well, which leaves no other options.

I find it difficult to meet people because of this. I still am a firm believer of arranged marriages and the traditional practice of parent/parent hookups. Mother usually knows best and breaks all that ice. That is if you have family that cares but many dont even have that. I guess some people really have no options and often die alone. Sad but true.

[surfhb2]

I still am a firm believer of arranged marriages and the traditional practice of parent/parent hookups. Mother usually knows best and breaks all that ice. That is if you have family that cares but many dont even have that. I guess some people really have no options and often die alone. Sad but true.

Ewwww! You need to seriously get a life and get out into the real world Pal

[Starnique]

I'm with Smackie on this one. I know what she's talking about.

I have been involved with guys I worked with during my office days a few time and when you have a fall out, like wakeup said seeing each other all the time after can complicate things.

[DalM0m]

What about workplace relationships that are not coworker/coworker types but employee/non employee types (for example teacher/student, doctor/patient etc)? There surely is still stigma attached to those.

Any relationship that begins with an uneven power dynamic cannot continue once dating begins. If two people meet b/c one was a student & the other a teacher or one was the doctor & the other the patient, OK fine. You can't control where / how you meet people but before they go on their 1st date, they have to stop the other more structured relationship.

If you would like some help managing your shyness, try a group called ToastMasters. It's focus in on public speaking but it really helps shy people interact. Once you get some of those skills, you may better be able to get involved with other groups to make a love connection.

[tariqblaze]

Any relationship that begins with an uneven power dynamic cannot continue once dating begins. If two people meet b/c one was a student & the other a teacher or one was the doctor & the other the patient, OK fine. You can't control where / how you meet people but before they go on their 1st date, they have to stop the other more structured relationship.

If you would like some help managing your shyness, try a group called ToastMasters. It's focus in on public speaking but it really helps shy people interact. Once you get some of those skills, you may better be able to get involved with other groups to make a love connection.

How long should the structured relationship end before the personal relationship begins? Some regulations do actually specify a specific time. Some codes even mandate that 2 years must past and other wild time lapses.

Also. I dont have a problem with shyness, it is a more personal choice to be shy. Like a lifestyle than it is a character flaw. Some people choose to be shy. Like a standard they hold themselves to. I refuse to talk to people in certain settings about certain issues, not because I cant, but because I choose not to. Im sorry if you misunderstood what I meant.

[Hightower]

I would never do it...............again. As a guy, I know exactly the way a girl's reputation can be smeared if the relationship goes the wrong way with a colleague. So for the ladies that may be enough reason to avoid the workplace romances. But for me, it is awkwardness. I don't like my relationship issues being in front of a fishbowl for everyone to see. I want to come home and have a reason to see my wife and have a reason to talk to her rather than just have seen her for 8 hours. Nope, not for me. They are risky, and I think there is still a bit of a stigma.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I've had some office hookups. Only one ended up well, and we are still friends. The worst was when I broke things of with a girl and two weeks later she got moved down 8 floors to right outside my workspace..*facepalm*

I don't see the reason for the stigma though. You see people you work with on a more frequent basis than you see most people, even family sometimes. You can also get to know them without alcohol impairment, and can judge how they react to pressure, stress, and problems in general. I think it is a good place for shy people to get to know someone too.

[DalM0m]

I don't think there's a set time that must pass unless a particular industry codifies a standard. For example a student teach -- I think "starting" a relationship the day after graduation would be problematic but that's probably complicated by the age difference. Between two consenting adults I be OK with a couple of days / hours as long as one doesn't hold power over the other after they date.

I do understand what you are saying about your choices tariqublaze but I think you & I differ on wording. What you are calling shy -- chosing not to discuss certain subjects in certain settings -- I'd characterize as "private." To me shyness is not a choice because the people who have it, find it difficult if not impossible to interact socially in a number of settings. You are simply more discriminating.

[tariqblaze]

I don't think there's a set time that must pass unless a particular industry codifies a standard. For example a student teach -- I think "starting" a relationship the day after graduation would be problematic but that's probably complicated by the age difference. Between two consenting adults I be OK with a couple of days / hours as long as one doesn't hold power over the other after they date.

I do understand what you are saying about your choices tariqublaze but I think you & I differ on wording. What you are calling shy -- choosing not to discuss certain subjects in certain settings -- I'd characterize as "private." To me shyness is not a choice because the people who have it, find it difficult if not impossible to interact socially in a number of settings. You are simply more discriminating.

You'd be surprised at what some companies consider a reasonable time frame. Espeically regarding two grown and consenting adults. It is almost inhumane lol.



Agreed but also disagreed. I think it goes both ways. I think shyness can be a character trait that is learned, or inherited.
Some people struggle with shyness but those people I think are not shy, but have mental or social disabilities. It is more extreme shyness rather than personal choice. I do think we are just wording behavior differently.

That introverts who cannot talk to people in public, some suffer from diseases because they cannot. However the type of shyness I am talking about is actually shyness, not the clinical shyness (which hijacked true shynesses name). True shyness is a choice. No different than moral responsibilities are a choice. Some people who have beautiful bodies would love to show it off, but because of their personal choice of shyness, they restrict how they show their bodies. It is a choice that becomes a character trait eventually. Some are born with these traits, and some arent. But even if it does become a character trait, most normal functioning people can learn to unlearn or unadapt these traits with practice.

These socially impossible individuals that cant unlearn these traits are people that suffer from an illness and may or may not constitute the embodiment of true shyness.


Shyness is a learned choice that does become a trait and yes shyness, like morality, is very discriminating in many settings.
I discriminate towards doing things I feel are unnecessary. Not because I cant do it any other way but because I choose not to. -- chosing not to discuss certain subjects in certain settings, with certain people -- Private-Shyness..It is all the same to me.

Clinical "shyness" is actually more of a fear
True or "private" shyness is more of a choice. Could if I want to i just dont wanna..heh..

It could be we just define words differently.

[tariqblaze]

In other words, I just dont want to talk to women in a causal setting. I am too busy to reduce myself to that degree. My standards are, if the situation isnt right, the relationship wont be either. Two people that fate brings together is a perfect situation. Like mutual friends or family hookups, co-workers who you have no choice but to get to know. Forced encounters where you get to learn people and not casual encounters where you force yourself to find them. I dont go out looking to meet people, I let the right people find me or we find each other. It works better that way because you know it was meant to be for some reason.

I just think relationships work better when you dont go searching for them but wait for the right situation to fall in line. Too bad there is stigma for even the best situations which leaves me with nothing left. Societal standards does it once again.