To forgive and forget or to confront, help please!

[Acsjpb0201]

Okay, so here goes nothing...my boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year, we live together, have an amazing sex life, laugh together, never fight and he has never given me any indication that he is unhappy...which is why I'm so puzzled as to what I have stumbled across, okay to be totally honest I was being a little nosey. I was looking at a bank statement and notice this charge from z****.com (online dating website) at first I just brushed it off as it being something he had before we got together and he just cancelled the subscription, then I remembered that he changed banks back in April so that couldn't be the case. So at this point I'm feel pretty hurt and betrayed, and decide to try and access this account, to which I was successful. Other than a profile picture and his height there is nothing else on the profile, he has messages in his inbox from months ago that haven't been read, and he's never sent anyone any messages. So my question is do I leave this alone and act like I don't know anything or do I confront him? I know ultimately it is my decision, I would just like to hear what some other people think about the situation.

[smackie9]

OK so what are you saying, that he started an account on a dating site recently?

[Acsjpb0201]

OK so what are you saying, that he started an account on a dating site recently?

Yes, I am completely beside myself and just absolutely puzzled as to why?! Like I said we get along great, don't fight and he has never given me the slightest hint that he's unhappy...I'm just not sure if I should confront him or let it be?

[smackie9]

If it were me I would take that bank statement, and in a calm cool manner ask my BF if he has any changes of feeling about the relationship. He will probably say no everything is fine. Then I would say well if everything is fine, why is it you have paid for an account on a dating site? Then I would demand an honest answer.

[Sarah239]

Depends where you are... but most banks these days when you change from one to another automatically change all the direct debits for you... no action on your part required... so this could be an old one tha the had forgotten about....
Sometimes they try to trick you into signing up for stuff... others only debit every few months so don't show on every statement...
So it could be completely innocent...

[smackie9]

Very true! but there are still questions....he would know he was signed up for a dating site because it sends you an email when someone sends a message to your account....and seeing a charge like that would have alerted him that the account is active......as she mentioned the account isn't old unless I misunderstood.

[w8lifter53]

hmmmmm.... Is there a way to make a free account on the site. You know where I am going with this? Create an account and contact him. You can ask him stright out, but if he is cheating he will deny he uses it.

The bigger question is can you trust him moving forward not knowing?

[smackie9]

Seriously? intrapment? That can spell trouble. Anyways he hasn't looked at any of his messages which means there hasn't been any activity on the account....so going to all that trouble isn't going to get results.

[Acsjpb0201]

I broke down and just asked him, I couldn't live with not knowing...he apologized and said he was ashamed of himself but that he did it as sort of an ego boost. At this point I have got to give him the benefit of the doubt considering there has been no activity on the account on his part. I'm just going to be extra cautious at this point because I do absolutely realize the he could be lying. This is a classic case of "curiosity killed the cat"! I do feel much better now that I've talked to him though and put it all out in the open.

[Boisdevie]

I wonder if the next woman he'll **** he'll just do as an ego boost. I don't think your relationship will last another 6 months.

[Acsjpb0201]

To each their own, you're entitled to your opinion.

[HDBadger]

You weren't minding your business and you invaded his privacy. If I were him, I'd dump you.

[smackie9]

You can't just let it go this time. His actions are a symptom of something that is lacking in your relationship. He's bored so you better start thinking of ways to change things up with your appearance, what you two do for dates and in the bedroom, if you want to save this relationship. You are definitly not out of the clear. Spying or "keeping an eye" on him is definitly not the solution.

[surfhb2]

Ummmm.....excuse me sister! You need to end this relationship. An ego boost? You looking through his shit?

This has the makings of disaster....and I'm shocked that you feel much better about the situation

[Rainyy]

I will choose to confront him After confronting him, you will have no worries anymore : )