Found the girl I want to spend my life with. Should I move on or keep trying?

[havermoutpap]

A little backstory.

I'm a college student living in a student house with 9 other people. Four other guys and five other girls. One of those girls i've fallen completely for.
Now I've had girlfriends before, but I knew I was never actually in love. I just enjoyed the company as long as it stayed fun, which was never long.

But this time I'm certain I found the one I want to spend my life with. Although I haven't told her how I feel. We complete eachothers sentences, know what the other is thinking and can make eachother laugh like no one else. We always understand eachother, make eachother laugh etc etc. I can honestly say I think I found my soulmate, and she agrees. Although soulmates aren't necessarily lovers. I've never met anyone who is so much like me. We agreed on the theory that we are born the same way which is why we recognize ourselves in eachother, but because we were raised in completely different environments (She is christian and raised in a nice neighbourhood whereas I was raised atheist and in black schools) we can learn a lot from eachother too.

The problem with the girl is she has a 3 year long relationship with someone from her hometown and for now all I can say is we are really good friends. Even though it feels like more than that sometimes.

Now normally I would never try to make a move on someone that is A. my roommate and B. in a relationship. But I would never forgive myself letting this unique person slip out of my grasp cause I don't think there is another person like her. And she hasn't exactly shooed me away. She, and her best friend confirmed this, also told me she doesn't see a future with him because she sees him as more of a friend than a lover, but doesn't want to create awkwardness with a good friend that she has been with over 3 years.

-We flirt all the time. Playfull hitting and making fun of eachother etc. -She tells me almost everything. Including the fact that she sees her current partner as more of a friend than lover. - She texts or comes by my room every day. -She touches and hugs me a lot. -She always looks at me and smiles longer than normal. -She sometimes cancels plans with friends and/or work to be alone with me. At which point she dressed up nice. -Compliments me and acknowledges the physical attraction she has towards me. -And her best friend told me she was glad that this girl met me.

However I've been living with this girl for a year now, being madly in love for the longer part of it, and nothing has happened. She is still in a relationship but since the last month or so expresses more and more doubt in her current relationship every day and slides in favor of spending time with me whilst I have been in love for six months now. When I look at the facts it seems obvious she is into me, although nothing has happened yet and sometimes I'm not sure if I should just forget her because nothing is going to happen or that she actually does love me and I should tell her how I feel. I can't make up my mind cause I don't want to live my life without her but I don't want to create drama within our house.

TLR: Fell in love with roommate, signs indicate she is into me but nothing happens. What to do?

[Boisdevie]

She's in a relationship. If she's even considering cheating on her BF with her just how moral does that make her?
The whole 'things between my BF and me aren't great' is just her using you as an emotional tampon' and I'd say that's pretty dishonest.

When she leaves her BF then you're free to make a move but not until so put your declarations of eternal love because you think she 'Is the one" on hold.

[pcmaster]

Its easy to fell in love with girls when you live in same house. But once you sexually escalade its gona be your fault. Believe me when I say shes not gona take any responsibilty about her actions once her BF finds out. She will blame it all on you.

[searock]

You should definitely give it a go. Your story reminds me a lot of my boyfriend and I. Go for it (i.e. tell her you have feelings for her), she's just waiting for a "push" in the right direction (I take it you're both very young, early 20s right?). It will be worth it no matter the outcome :-). Keep us updated.

[Boisdevie]

she's just waiting for a "push" in the right direction

If she was so into the OP whe would already have dumped her awful boyfriend right?

It will be worth it no matter the outcome

Especially when this womans' BF smashes his face in.

[searock]

If she was so into the OP whe would already have dumped her awful boyfriend right?

Well, I speak from experience: in some cases, people do just need a push in the right direction. Maybe she's immature and insecure and is too afraid of breaking up because it would be such a big change. Clearly she isn't in love with her boyfriend anymore, and it seems to me that she really is into the OP. They remind me of how my now-boyfriend and I used to be, before we got together... we were "best friends" for 2 years before we finally broke up with our respective partners and started dating each other. We would communicate with just a glance, playfully hit and tease each other, complete each other's sentences, etc (we still do). We were too afraid to end it with our partners for such a long time it before - the naivety of youth I guess :-). Him in particular was devastated at the thought of breaking up with the girl he once believed he would have spent his life with - even though he was at that point miserable because of the relationship, and he knew that it wouldn't get any better.

Especially when this womans' BF smashes his face in.

I don't think this is going to happen, it's not like he's going to try to kiss her or something, he's just going to tell her that he has feelings for her. What she decides to do with that information is entirely up to her.

[havermoutpap]

She indeed said it would be a major lifechange if she broke up with her current boyfriend and she doesn't want to jump into that so quickly since he has been her friend for so long. She did jokingly say if they broke up she wants me to hang out every night. I don't want to make a move on someone who has a boyfriend but it truly feels like we both are into eachother but nothing happens since neither of us is sure about it.

I can imagine it's not easy just dumping him for me, so I don't want her to rush into that. She needs to figure it out herself, and maybe telling her how I feel helps all that.

[searock]

You don't have to make a move on her, you just have to tell her that you have feelings for her... nothing wrong with that :-).

[pcmaster]

She cant dump her Bf cause she dont know how good you are in bed. So theres no reason to risk.

[HDBadger]

You've known her for a while...and nothing has happened. She hasn't broken up with her boyfriend. That speaks volumes.

Also, you have Oneitis. Look it up. You have NO idea what being with this person in a relationship would be like, yet you already think you two are soul mates. Whatever that is.

By the way, you probably don't have to tell her she likes you --- she'd have to be pretty dumb not to realize that by now.

If you want to make a move, I guess go ahead. But I wouldn't. Have a little respect for her relationship and pursue someone who is actually available.

Honestly, you both sound as if you've crossed the line already. What she's doing absolutely comes close to emotional infidelity.

[HeartIsAching]

She's in a relationship. If she's even considering cheating on her BF with her just how moral does that make her?
The whole 'things between my BF and me aren't great' is just her using you as an emotional tampon' and I'd say that's pretty dishonest.

When she leaves her BF then you're free to make a move but not until so put your declarations of eternal love because you think she 'Is the one" on hold.

Pretty much what I was going to say.

[Joanna_L]

"told me she doesn't see a future with him because she sees him as more of a friend than a lover" - It sounds like she likes YOU more than she likes him....
But I think cheating is wrong.
She should break up with her bf if she wants to be with you.
I suggest you tell her how you really feel, tell her you really want to be with her.
then its up to her if she's gonna break up or not. creating awkwardness between that guy and herself is going to be Inevitable. she'd be willing to deal with the awkwardness if she really loves you.
Good luck

[Grimraven]

Would you like another guy to make a move on your girlfriend?

[DalM0m]

Until she ends her currently relationship, you do not have any chance. Your feelings are one sided. If she was as into you as you claim to be into her, then she'd be your GF by now. Because she has chosen to do nothing, she is making her decision clear. She prefers the hometown boyfriend. You have to respect that & let her go.

I suggest you find other living arrangements, stop the late night chats & move forward with your life.

[pcmaster]

Because she has chosen to do nothing, she is making her decision clear.