Guys, what are reasons for you becoming distant?

[Julia51423]

I want all honest answers. When you have liked a girl or been in a relationship with a girl, when you become distant with them, why do you do this? All guys can put their own stories and why they have withdrawn and distanced themselves from women in the past, and also, when you do this, how do you like the girl to act when you become distant? Do you want her to act cool and give you space until you are ready to give her affection again, or do you like it when she shows she cares and asks what's wrong? I've just been wondering this lately... And as many guys answer as possible, so there is a good amount of opinions and answers on this. Thanks

[mountainboy]

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[Kromat83]

I want all honest answers.
When you have liked a girl or been in a relationship with a girl,
when you become distant with them, why do you do this?
---- Sometimes we need the space to think it over or see how
much she really cares about us when we aren't around.

when you do this, how do you like the girl
to act when you become distant?
---- I want her to understand, if it truly is the
best choice to stay in a relationship with her.
Don't think that it is only the girl that makes the
final decision, as it depends who loves the other more.

Do you want her to act cool and give you space until you are
ready to give her affection again, or do you like it when she
shows she cares and asks what's wrong?
--- She'll ask what is wrong anyways, it'll depend how you
Answer back and if you truly treat her like it was meant to be.

There is only a gut feeling that plays a factor, if you know something is wrong,
then it truly is.

[chitown]

I am not too experienced but have had a fwb and somewhat ltr. I don't play the field very well like some guys do so when I'm after a girl that I really like, the above just won't happen. I also pretty much blow off most other girls unless one is very forward or some weird quirky friendship comes out of it but even then I think on some level I'm attracted to them and keep them close. Situations where I like a girl but become distant -early on- are usually because I get down on myself over some perceived failure or just don't want to invest much in a girl that I don't think anything is really happening with and I don't see an "in" with. If a girl in that situation met me half-way, problem solved. There is a super cute receptionist that I kind of hit it off with at my new job but it just hasn't clicked and I'm not going to throw myself at her.

That did happen in my ltr. I moved in too early and it was supposed to be temporary. At some point, everything became a turn-off and I was more excited to go to class than be at home. I got distant then because I wasn't happy and didn't know what to do. The lack of space was a big part of that. We are friends now for some reason and she has helped me through a lot of stuff but if/when things get weird I definitely back off again. That situation is a long story, though, and probably unhealthy.

Another time I backed off from a girl, it was more out of circumstance. I hadn't really met anyone after breaking up with the ex, so was a bit down and disenfranchised. Out of nowhere a very attractive girl came after me and we hooked-up a handful of times. The circumstance to that was really messed up and I didn't really know what was going on so I was trying to get out and forget about her. I also got another girls number - rare - and eased into chatting with her. So for a brief period I was talking to both of them and sleeping with the one. One being a hot wild crazy deceptive exciting party girl that was a great lay and the other decidedly boring and average in comparison. The latter would also show up at my bar around the time I was done and having an after work drink like 5 times or so. I'd chat with her and be friendly. Her and I never went on a real date or anything. I essentially picked the fun one to focus on, not being that interested at all in the other and eventually just stopped talking to her and she stopped showing up.

One more instance...I can't really talk to that hot fwb anymore. Haven't talked to her in 2 weeks after talking almost every day for 5 months and being friends for over a year. It just got bad. I got feelings for her and I'm not sure what she wanted from me cause we haven't hooked up for awhile but were drinking and cuddling and kissing- 5 nights in one week. Apparently we could have continued but she said some hurtful stuff when we were wasted and I opened my mouth about the feelings and also had a falling out with her over one of the worst weekends of my life. So for now the ties are cut while I get my head straight and the new job underway. This distance just makes sense, though.

Likely scenarios: 1) there is another girl that has his attention or is more interesting no matter how fleeting or unlikely. 2) there is not enough space or connection there to continue. 3) he is mad or troubled about something. There are probably other possibilities that tie in to how interested a guy is.

[!Joe264!]

Two main possibilities: 1) or he has another person...or 2) he wants just a little space...

[HDBadger]

There are only two reasons I would ever "become distant" with a girl.

1) I am getting signs of disinterest. For example, I asked this girl I had been talking to out a few weeks ago, and she responded, "Maybe." I haven't said a word to her since then, and I don't plan on ever talking to her again. I guess if she was pretty dense she could read that as "becoming distant," but you can't expect someone to stick around when you aren't showing interest in that person.

2) I'm just not that into her. Usually, I'll tell a woman outright that I don't like her. I'm not much for "fading out."

I guess the only other reason I would become distant with a human being is if he or she did something pretty awful to me. In that case, I would probably have nothing to ever say to that person again.

[andy7751]

Maybe you're not giving him what he wants. In my case, if my wife doesn't show me love and affection and also provide a sexual relationship, I feel I tend to get distant too.

[FlaCooln]

If I become distant in a relationship that means my GF is about to get dumped. Case in point my last relationship that was about 6 months, the last 2 weeks or so of it I was already done (but it had been building for little while I guess). I actually didn't notice I was becoming distant right away, but I soon realized and let my exGF know why I was unhappy. We tried to work it out, but in the end she can't remove all the emotional damage she has had in the past and suddenly remove her bit of crazy. She understood, told me that she loved me and just wants me to be happy. We ended on a good note and she had closure, which was important to me because she has had some bad dudes in her life in the past.

[Alex Gu]

Either I have met another girl or I'm just not into her anymore.

There's also another possibility that I've become too comfortable with the relationship, thus thinking that it's okay not to put more effort into the relationship. However in this case it doesn't mean I will become completely ignorant or not try at all.

[Boisdevie]

Guys become distant for all sorts of reasons. They often remove themselves to their 'man cave' in order to think through stuff and try to get to some kind of answer/conclusion. They might get distant if they realise that the woman they want doesn't want them. In my own case I'm feeling distant from my GF because she's pissing me off. Being distant can be a prelude to getting things straightened out or ending things altogether.

[RobertWQ]

I want all honest answers. When you have liked a girl or been in a relationship with a girl, when you become distant with them, why do you do this? All guys can put their own stories and why they have withdrawn and distanced themselves from women in the past, and also, when you do this, how do you like the girl to act when you become distant? Do you want her to act cool and give you space until you are ready to give her affection again, or do you like it when she shows she cares and asks what's wrong? I've just been wondering this lately... And as many guys answer as possible, so there is a good amount of opinions and answers on this. Thanks

Can you give more detail, there can be a variety of reasons.

[ucantcme2k4]

I usually become distant because I need space. Whether it's because the girl is smothering me or I have something going on where I simply don't want the girl getting dragged into it but either way, I need my space to deal with things.

[randomguy85]

I usually become a little distant if the girl becomes to clingy.
I mean..I really like being around a girl a lot, but sometimes it can be too much.