Reconnecting after No Contact

[BobxMarley]

Hey Forum! I just wanted to get everyone's opinion on my situation. I was friends with a woman for several years. We dated but eventually the relationship failed. I haven't heard from her since she told me she was moving on (about a month ago). I did email her telling her I respected her decision and that she means a lot to me. But, I didn't receive anything in response. I have no connections to her besides a phone number and email.

I still care for this woman a lot. I enjoy having her in my life. So, at some point I'd like to reconnect with her. Its been a month and I've just been focusing on myself and doing "No Contact". The breakup was in no means negative. I just don't think she was ready for commitment yet. She was making plans to leave the country for awhile to pursue professional sports. So, I think at least part of the reason why she left me was because she knew that time was approaching.

I'm not sure what the best course of action is. I can leave the decisions in her hands at wait for her to contact me...or I can give it more time and then try to contact her. I guess her being unresponsive is very confusing. We didn't leave on a bad note, but silent treatment makes it feel that way.

Additional Information: We are both 26.

[RyanJames]

I would find someone new if I were you. She left you and didnt even bother replying to your last email, oh and went off to do sports, as if that is more interesting or important than a man lol. OK seriously, forget about her and find another, if finding another is proving difficult (which it probably is otherwise you wouldn't be pining over this one who is not interested) then learn how to meet women, its not difficult. Tell me about your situation if you want some specific help and I'll see what advice I can give you.

[4 ratties]

Are u wanting to contact and become friends? Or your wanting to try the relationship again?
This girl has not shown any interest in wanting to get back together with you so I wouldn't push her on that because you will push her even further away and could really make her mad. If u want to be friends make sure to have no feelings for her in a romantic way, if u do, the chances of the friendship working out is not very high.

[Boisdevie]

I guess her being unresponsive is very confusing.

It's not confusing to me, it's pretty clear. She's unresponsive because she doesn't want to respond. She ended the relationship. It's over and her lack of response shows she has no inclination to start things again. So stop being an idiot and move on. Accepting that it's over might be a good start.

[DalM0m]

Once you have had NC for at least the length of the relationship you can try to reconnect as friends. Any earlier & it's too soon.

[Boisdevie]

Once you have had NC for at least the length of the relationship you can try to reconnect as friends. Any earlier & it's too soon.

NO NO NO. Reconnecting as 'friends' - why? The whole 'we can stay friends' is just so much bullsh1t. When I finish a relationship I have no desire to stay 'friends' - that's just so lame. I already have friends - once it's over it's over - why try to stay in touch?

[DalM0m]

NO NO NO. Reconnecting as 'friends' - why? The whole 'we can stay friends' is just so much bullsh1t. When I finish a relationship I have no desire to stay 'friends' - that's just so lame. I already have friends - once it's over it's over - why try to stay in touch?

I didn't say that I thought being friends was a good idea. I only said that for those dumb enough to try it, you have to at least wait the length of the relationship before giving it a go.

I had an EX who broke my heart. Unfortunately I run into him professionally every 2 years or so. I had to get a handle on my emotions. At first we'd nod across a room with tight smiles on our faces. Now we can usually manage an actual "hello", a few minutes of cordial conversation -- how's the family? and consume a beverage together without wanting to throw it in the other one's face. That's about as "friendly" as I want to be with an EX. I wouldn't even do that much but our industry is small & we have referred each other business. Just b/c I think he sucks as a human being, doesn't mean I think he's bad at his job.

[BobxMarley]

NO NO NO. Reconnecting as 'friends' - why? The whole 'we can stay friends' is just so much bullsh1t. When I finish a relationship I have no desire to stay 'friends' - that's just so lame. I already have friends - once it's over it's over - why try to stay in touch?

Hmmm. I was friends with this girl long before we had a relationship. I care for her unconditionally. Also, she is one of my closest friends sister. So, we are more than likely to have some sort of contact sooner or later. My question for you is this. If a relationship doesn't end badly and you respect and love them as a person, why would you be so quick to throw them away? I agree that not every ex should stay part of your life. However, every situation is different. If both parties are mature enough about it, it doesn't have to be a negative thing.

[RyanJames]

If both parties are mature enough about it, it doesn't have to be a negative thing.

This is true, if you both are mature enough, if you are not secretly harbouring thoughts that you may get back together again, if she doesnt feel like you are stalking her, if a friendship is a natural occurrence and not forced in some way, then sure, nothing wrong with that. I have 5 ex's who I keep in touch with, it is quite fun discussing new gf's with them as well as just hanging out. Sometimes I even sleep with them, for the fun of it, but before doing so I ensure that they know it is just for fun and that I am absolutely certain they dont have any secret desires to rekindle the relationship.