What In the World Drove Him to Do Such A Thing?..

[neen]

I was with this guy for a while. He is 3 years older than me. We worked together, while he was finishing his last year of university in my city. I was dealing with a breakup, and he was always there for me. I didn't really recognize him until after a few weeks and i started feeling attracted towards him. We then began dating and it was clear to me as well as others around, that he was incredibly into me. He was moving out of the city at the end of the summer to go back home to start his career, and we both never have done long distance and i wasn't sure I could handle it, but he encouraged me to try it. He kept telling me that he will do anything to keep me in his life. So we tried this, we were always happy and enjoyed ourselves. We trusted each other immensely, we talked, texted, and face timed everyday. Then he finally landed his career job.. our relationship started becoming tougher. I visited him on the weekend with my friend, last month. He took us out and he was into me and seemed as though he fell in love all over again, when I came back from the visit. This went on, he discussed marriage, and whatnot. He made more time for me after work, etc. I was going to move to his city next year for school, that was the plan and he was wanting to get a place with me when i did. However, I was thinking out loud to him and asked him if he could handle waiting a couple more years for me. Before all of this, we were perfectly fine. He started changing a little, we got into a small argument, then we resolved it but he started throwing divorce rates at me and statistics. Mind you, I am no where ready for marriage. I am still in school, and way too young. We decided that it would be best to take it slow with the dating process and just wait until i moved for the serious relationship. However, we were still staying faithful to one another. Suddenly, he becomes really cold, so i tried to hint that i wasn't too fond of his behaviour� he then said "I'm not interested anymore, don't contact me. My mind should be on work and not women. I can't do this. Good Luck, God bless!" and expected to just leave without me questioning. (Am I in the wrong at all, there? I don't see that. lol) So I asked whats wrong and what happened? 3 days before that he was talking about moving me out there and getting a place together and marriage� He just became really angry and said he can't date at this point. So I became really upset and we argued then I cooled off a bit and the next morning, i sent him a long text, basically wishing him the best of luck and thanking him for the times. 2 weeks passed and i wanted to call him, to see how he was doing, to tell him that I wanted to be friends, (since he offered to do that because "that was the best he could do", but i was too angry at the time to take that) but his phone number had changed�. i emailed him to see how he was doing and left it at that. I've done what I could to show him I am open to a friendship, and I let him know that I was moving there next year and it would have been nice to have a friend because at this point, I have decided, I also do not want to pursue a relationship, so he wouldn't think I was trying to get back with him. I got no answer.

The honest truth is that I really want him in my life, before all of this, we was an amazing man to me. He kept me motivated, helped me through my struggles, he did so much. I fell in love with him so quickly. I did things, I never thought I would do for someone. Thats how much I loved him. He knew he didn't deserve me, he mentioned it just before he did this. I just cannot fathom why he would change his number when I hadn't contacted him again after that last day? Is this some type of phase? He has gone a little bipolar like this a few times before, with the "don't speak to me again", but always came around after a week of me ignoring him. But he's never done this�.

Advice?

[basilandthyme]

My best advice is to learn from your mistakes. When he previously gave you the "don't speak to me again" speil, you shouldn't have taken him back. And you certainly should not have accepted him doing it to you multiple times. It's a great big red flag which should not have been ignored.

It's quite possible he will return to you again and be all apologetic - but don't fall for it.

[smackie9]

Sorry dear but I think he felt a little shafted by your change in plans.....and like a child just up leaves and ignore you because he didn't get his way. I guess he feels if you hesitate to follow plans that means you don't care enough for him as selfish as that sounds....he feels he comes second place or is a lesser priority. You are young and in love and I know this is hard to understand but, basilandthyme is right, his behaviour is a big red flag. It was bound to blow up in your face eventually.

Please don't take this guy back. You stick to your plans, wants and wishes as to when you want to get married, etc......never be with someone that tries to push you around with manipulation. He is just playing stupid games, and you are way to smart for that crap.

[neen]

I highly doubt he'll come around. It's quite ridiculous how conceited he turned out to be. Thank you, ladies! Guess I'll end up being alone in that city, oh well!

[smackie9]

There is the internet, I'm sure there are some nice level headed fellows that live there that would love to take you out and show you a good time.

[neen]

Sweet of you to help out! I like to be very old fashioned and meet people in person. Especially at this time, I feel like I can't quite trust anyone right now.. Might take me a bit to get over it. It kind of stinks, I am currently stressing over school because exams are just around the corner and final assignments are due starting this week. I needed his support because he usually liked to wake me up and keep me motivated. I know that comes off as weak and dependent, but I am perfectly capable of motivating myself, I just am having a harder time. I'm alone on this because I don't quite go to the bars and all of my close friends have boyfriends that they are always busy with. I am trying to handle this all on my own. Its tough, but I have no idea how to work around it. I've had longer relationships, and for some reason, they hurt, but not as bad as this one did. Not quite sure why, I'm thinking it might be because my other relationships involved the men treating me in an emotionally abusive way on a regular basis, and cheated, so it was easier to let it go; whereas this guy was a sweetheart who just had his moments, apparently due to his past addictions.

[smackie9]

You could also join a social club of some kind, meet others, men and women and just make friends you know....why is it that going out with someone has to entail a relationship? You just need to make some friends.