What does she want?

[fobous]

Alright, first off, thank you for taking the time to read over this i know its a bit long. It's my first time posting on this forum, so Hello everyone. I really need a girls take on this, but would really appreciate any advice or guidance from anyone.


I met this girl a few years back in college, she was into me but i was dating someone else...at the time. I kept my distance for her until I found myself thinking about her and realizing that I was crushing on her. So on a Wednesday I asked her to come out to just "hang-out together" aka date, she told me she was busy that weekend but wanted me to take her out that same night (eventhough she knew i was in somewhat of a relationship already). Anyway because I had been so interested in her, I took her out that night ... and in my honest opinion, the date went ****ing terrible= went to watch a movie with her - no holding hands or really any physical touching, just talking. After the movie i just took her back to her place and that was that.

After that, i gave up on her and didn't contact her for a follow up or anything.

Fast-forward about a year and half later, during which she started dating someone else and eventually broke up with him after about 5-6 month into the relationship.

Here is where it gets a little interesting. After 4 months that she had been single, I texted her again to see what she's been up to and if she was down to hang out again and in a very nice way she told me that she was just very busy with school and didn't currently have any free time, but that she would be free in a month and that she would text me.

Well.. I didn't hear from her within that month so i just let it go again and avoided contacting her at all, thinking that she just wasn't interested after that one terrible date. Well it's been 3 months now and she texted me at 10 at night, telling me how she's been meaning to text me back but she's been busy and that she wants to hang out with me and wants to know when I'm free... I told her that I was too busy this week but that I would consider her offer next weekend. She was fine with that and said next weekend would work for her.

Seeming as though she seemed interested again, i tried to make some conversation with her over text, but she cut the conversation short and just told me she looked forward to next weekend.

So now, I'm ****ing confused. If she is interested in me why not talk to me more? If she is not interested in me then why the **** text me back after 3 months, asking to hang out? The only thing I can think off, is that maybe she was just horny and needed someone for the night? Do girls do that? Even though I've never been sexually involved with her ....?

I just need some opinions on what her motives are..what is she after? Does she like me? Any comments are greatly appreciated.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Go out with her next weekend. If you don't score, leave it alone for good.

[smackie9]

Wow what the hell do you expect out of this girl? You know if it doesn't feel right to you, then it's not. If it were me I wouldn't have put this much effort into arranging this date if the first one was a bust.

[randomguy85]

If you actually do take her out next weekend. Don't go to the movies. Those are for people that don't care to talk. On a date, you should be wanting to learn more about that person.
THEN, if it's a bust leave it alone and move on forever.

[fobous]

If you actually do take her out next weekend. Don't go to the movies. Those are for people that don't care to talk. On a date, you should be wanting to learn more about that person.
THEN, if it's a bust leave it alone and move on forever.

Great point! I learned this obviously the hard way and i had no intentions to go back to the movies. I'm not crazy lol. Just from the top of your head, whats a good venue? I don't want to do "dinner". I need a venue where I get an excuse to physically interact with her, I was thinking mini golfing? Show her how to hold the club ? #Ghost

I feel like I should preface this with, I'm usually not a bad date, actually this was the first date in my life that I considered unsuccessful. (That's why i put so much effort into it after the first one was a bust, smackie9.) I don't like to fail, and I certainly don't like to give up. Although I know there are circumstances in which giving up is best

smackie9 - Honestly ... i just want to know how she feels about me. Personally, i really like her. I liked her from the first time i met her, and i felt like there was something between us. Unfortunately i was with another girl. I know that attraction will fade over time.. so im skeptical on whether or not she is even into me anymore. And the reason i asked her out even though the first one was a bust, is because of the terrible venue last time! (like i mentioned above) I know i can do much better given the right setting.

I like this girl, so no doubt i will take her on this second date. I'll be a bit more creative with the venue... but what bugs me is this: She texts me to hang out months after I had texted her, why? Specially since the first date blew. I guess what my brain wants to hear is that it's cause she's into me, even if that is the furthest thing from the truth.
I was curious to see what you guys thought her actions meant?

Thank you for your replies! You guys are awesome.

[smackie9]

As they say a poor musician blames his instrument.

[randomguy85]

Great point! I learned this obviously the hard way and i had no intentions to go back to the movies. I'm not crazy lol. Just from the top of your head, whats a good venue? I don't want to do "dinner". I need a venue where I get an excuse to physically interact with her, I was thinking mini golfing? Show her how to hold the club ? #Ghost

I feel like I should preface this with, I'm usually not a bad date, actually this was the first date in my life that I considered unsuccessful. (That's why i put so much effort into it after the first one was a bust, smackie9.) I don't like to fail, and I certainly don't like to give up. Although I know there are circumstances in which giving up is best

smackie9 - Honestly ... i just want to know how she feels about me. Personally, i really like her. I liked her from the first time i met her, and i felt like there was something between us. Unfortunately i was with another girl. I know that attraction will fade over time.. so im skeptical on whether or not she is even into me anymore. And the reason i asked her out even though the first one was a bust, is because of the terrible venue last time! (like i mentioned above) I know i can do much better given the right setting.

I like this girl, so no doubt i will take her on this second date. I'll be a bit more creative with the venue... but what bugs me is this: She texts me to hang out months after I had texted her, why? Specially since the first date blew. I guess what my brain wants to hear is that it's cause she's into me, even if that is the furthest thing from the truth.
I was curious to see what you guys thought her actions meant?

Thank you for your replies! You guys are awesome.

No idea how old you are so I can't answer that for you. You have to figure out what type of girl she is. I'm sure you know a little bit about her.
I'm 28. On a date, if I know the girl drinks, I like to take them out for a few drinks to help ease the nerves of a date, and get her talking. Not a loud place, not quiet though. I don't do mini golf because I'm not that type of a guy. Make sure the date is about her, but something you would like to do. Don't do a long date because you don't want to run out of things to talk about. Maybe 45 minutes or so...that way she's not stuck there, but if yall have a great time yall can stay a bit longer.

[fobous]

smackie9 - haha, true. I guess it did come off a little arrogant of me to blame it all on the venue. Let me correct that, at the time when i took this girl out, i was involved with another girl, so I didn't put as much effort into the date as I should have. But she still wants to go on a second date, why do you think? She's getting desperate? LOL

randomguy85- I'm 24, I could take her out for a few drinks... then mini golf? haha i just want an excuse to get close to her, ya know? and since I will be the one driving .. can't spend too much time drinking at the bar. But honestly thank you for your feedback, you're one cool cat!

[randomguy85]

smackie9 - haha, true. I guess it did come off a little arrogant of me to blame it all on the venue. Let me correct that, at the time when i took this girl out, i was involved with another girl, so I didn't put as much effort into the date as I should have. But she still wants to go on a second date, why do you think? She's getting desperate? LOL

randomguy85- I'm 24, I could take her out for a few drinks... then mini golf? haha i just want an excuse to get close to her, ya know? and since I will be the one driving .. can't spend too much time drinking at the bar. But honestly thank you for your feedback, your one cool cat!

I've always thought it was kinda cheesy to go to mini golf. If I took a girl out to that it would def. look cheesy for me just because I can't pull that off.
If you can do it by all means do it.
I'm in no way advocating drinking and driving, but it's not like you have to go to a bar and get drunk. I can make 2-3 beers last easily over an hour. I drink IPA's...they aren't chugging beers. I can also make a glass of scotch last an hour. Always the taxi option for afterwards, but that's embarrassing...I'd just not drink much.

[HDBadger]

I have a rule with women that has never failed me: You ask her out once, and if she rejects you or the date goes badly or she's wishy washy, you immediately drop it and don't deal with her again.

Could you make this work? Maybe. But she does not seem very enthusiastic about the whole thing. You seem like an option in this situation.

[fobous]

I have a rule with women that has never failed me: You ask her out once, and if she rejects you or the date goes badly or she's wishy washy, you immediately drop it and don't deal with her again.

Could you make this work? Maybe. But she does not seem very enthusiastic about the whole thing. You seem like an option in this situation.

Well true, and honestly i did drop it. But 3 months later she comes out of the blue and asks if I want to hang out with her. And this wasn't just a two sentence text. She sent me an essay (im obviously exaggerating; maybe a 2 paragraph text) on how she has been busy and meaning to text me back and that she really looks forward to hanging out with me. I'm telling you, in her texts that are diluted with exclamation marks it seems like she is the one asking me to make time to hang out with her. My initial response to her was a straight up, can't do it anytime soon I'm too busy, i said i might have time in a week but that it wasn't for sure. At which point she jumped on the opportunity and told me that anytime next week she will be free.

I know my judgement is a bit clouded because of certain feelings, but on text she seemed excited to hang out again, i just don't see how i would just be an option in this circumstance. Yes i asked initially and she rejected it. And i did, like you said drop it. But now she is the one coming back after 3 months asking if I'm available to hang out with her...

But I do see your point, and it also does not sit well with me that she rejected my first offer. I'm skeptical but somewhat hopeful.

[randomguy85]

That's good. You sorta rejected her and she came back and said next week she's free. Just don't text her too much or she will lose the excitement of getting a text from you.
Still a bit skeptical but don't worry about it. If she did bring the fact that she wanted to hang out then you should be good.

[smackie9]

Ya sounds it just gonna be just hang out for a free meal or whatever....or she is looking to have a break and go out and do something, so don't read too much into it....let us know how the date went.

[Silent Siren]

It sounds to me like you're an option (like HDBadger says). That being said...being an option isn't always a terrible thing. Some great relationships start out with one or the other being an second choice. Just really depends on how well you all get along on another date. I'd say try a second date and see if it turns out any better. I don't know what kind of person she is but if she's interested in you, hopefully you wouldn't spend a second date with no kind of physical interaction.