Relationship on the rebound? He's not attractive or rich but otherwise perfect.

[random20]

I was in a horrible marriage for 9 years. I was emotionally shut off for at least the last three years. He was unkind, unloving, jealous, controlling but we had 2 beautiful children. When I left I was for the first time in a place where I truly did NOT WANT ANOTHER MAN EVER! I was so happy to be free!

Then I had a friend with a very common interest. We talked a lot and one thing lead to another. I found myself attracted to him in many ways. Some of it was my emotional nature to fall in love quickly - I just don't do well single in general. exactly 2 months after I officially filed for divorce we were on our first real date.

I was very wish washy at first and did not want to engage because I felt myself unattracted physically. And also a little dissatisfied with his career path. He earns an honorable but very low paying wage on a family farm and still lives at home with his parents. The situation is entirely functional and he has a completely grown up relationship with his family and is respected. However it didn't fit what I had in mind even if I did want to fall in love.

I remember wanting him to put his arms around me and wanting to cuddle and feel close. We were not intimate right away but it started like that and we had become very good friends by that point and I knew lots about him and vice versa. But I remember feeling like I was vulnerable and falling into rebound mode.

Fast forward to now and it has been 5 1/2 months since that very first date. I mostly overcame the looks department. I still see him and recognize he isn't beautiful but there are things that I do find beautiful... the color of his hair and eyes - the shape of his mouth. Things I find charming in his mannerisms. And also he i very pleasing to me when we are intimate. There is no disappointment at all.

The other thing is income-wise I realize that I will probably always be the breadwinner if we continue which I do plan to. It took me awhile to be ok with that, but I am. I am ok with that because he makes an honorable living and he is proud of his farming. It's not like he is a deadbeat who is trying to live off me or get through life for free.

One thing that has also been a blessing and curse in one is that we live 2 hours apart. So that means I only see him on weekends. It gives me some space that I need while still having someone close.

What I didn't mention yet is how perfectly sweet he his, how even tempered he is, how smart he is, that he is funny and witty, that he is charismatic and friendly with other people, how kind he is, how we share the same political and religious perspectives, how we have the very exact same passion in life which is how we got to know each other, and how awesome it is to be with someone and have a normal 2 way conversation without bigotry and bias, how great it is to feel grace, understanding, and forgiveness for my imperfections, how nice it is to have a calm conversation and work through the things we disagree about. he is the perfect personality that I feel I could be married to in the future.

However as we talk seriously about our future, I keep having these small doubts.
- What if I grow dissatisfied?
- Will I feel like I settled?
- Will he always be the type of person he seems to be now or will I uncover his deep emotional issues?
- Will he turn out to be horribly insecure and unstable?
- Do I only adore him so much because my ex was such an asshole?
- Did I only fall in love with him because he was the first man I've dated with such a normal even temperment?
- Is this just rebound?

So I have all these doubts and worries yet I don't dare risk losing him because he is so good to me and I sincerely enjoy every moment we spend together. I just wish I could get rid of the doubt. I don't know if it's there because of my past experiences, or because there is some red flag in the facts (income, looks, still living at home)

Thoughts? Would be so appreciated..... even though you are all completely strangers. If you take the time to read this I am grateful.

[TablesandChairs]

Maybe you're over-thinking things. I once said that I would never date a guy with a kid but I did and soon enough, the fact that he had a child was irrelevant. No one is going to be perfect...you could find a guy who earns more $ and is more physically attractive but he could end up treating you like crap. You've been through that before so you should know the importance of having someone who actually treats you well; it's invaluable.

Obviously it's not wise to jump from one thing to the next (rebounding) but you guys spend plenty of time apart so it's not like you're being suffocated...you can take your time and take things slow.

He supports himself, has a job...yes he's living at home but as you say, it's not like his mother makes tucks him in at night. It's just circumstantial...but if that's a deal breaker for you personally, you need to think things through.

I would say - give it a chance. You're divorced with 2 kids, not perfect either. Neither is he. But if he makes you feel great when you're together, that's a big thing.

[random20]

It's funny you said "maybe you are over-thinking things". That is entirely my personality. Thanks for the encouragement.