tough situation I don't know what to make of

[Amont]

Hello all!
Came here because I'm in the middle of a tough situation.. so I'll try to keep this a short as I can and then hope you can tell me if there's anything I can do.

In summer I was travelling abroad, on a short trip with a 2 choirs: a mixed choir I sang with and a girls choir who were along with us. We performed together in some concerts and also stayed in the same hotel. During this short trip, a girl from the other choir caught my attention. Of course that is nothing special since that occasionally happens and usually it just fades away. We had a chance to exchange some words, talk a bit, but nothing serious. I was excited a bit, but knew better and told myself usually these things fade away.

So the trip was not long, as I said, and after a few days we were coming back home - both of the choirs and all the people, different buses but the same plane. At the airport I was there, trying to get my ticket and the screen where you have to pick your seat comes up. I tell myself: 'Okay, may it be so that I pick the seat next to her..' My sister was along with me there, standing and chatting and having no idea of this little wish that I was making. Somewhere in those moments, it so happened that I really didn't know which seat to pick and then accidentally hit the touch-screen and my decision was made for me.

Oh and yes, surprise-surprise: as our flight was coming up and I was already sitting on the plane, the girl comes up, sits down beside me and tells me 'You must be my flight-neighbour', gives me a handshake and tells me her name (let's call her S). Okay, whoa.

During the short flight, we got to talk and she seemed to understand me like nobody else. I was stunned of course and a little nervous. What happened next was that at the end of our almost one-hour conversation, I find out that she's studying composition, which has always been a hobby of mine. Something else to connect us besides the understanding, the sympathy, the feeling of knowing that someone just 'gets' you. It was so weird. At the end of it, she agreed to go on the internet and search for my music, cause we both wanted to hear what the other had been writing, but she didn't have anything online for listening. Soon, we arrived home and departed ways.

Couple of days later I added her on FB. And for a very long while, nothing happened really. I expected her to give some feedback on my pieces, but that never happened and well it's weird to ask something like that yourself. So this situation kind of faded away, as I had initially thought. Until recently when I just, kind of accidentally chatted up and told her that I'm still waiting to hear her music like we agreed on the plane. We talked and she wanted to meet me and discuss music, writing etc - share ideas and thoughts. So we met again, after like almost 2-3 months and we talked for about 3 hours, of music, composition, goals in life and it was again: very sincere, direct, open and understanding, free of any prejudice or evaluation, she just 'gets' me.. something I think that is rare. Afterwards, she thanked me for the meeting and I think she was happy

So yeah - I really-really like her. Problem is: she has someone already. I'm not going to try and cause any problems with this since it's just not something I do (I've always been 'too much of a nice guy' when it comes to relationships). But here yeah.. it goes against my morals to attempt anything there, but..

..is there still anything I can do to pursue something more? Or do I just keep being a good friend, the way it's been with all of my possible relationships in the past? (in the end, I've always been relegated to the friend-zone) How do I make something positive out of this?

Thanks for your time reading and feedback,
Amont

[Boisdevie]

If she's such a nice person why was she spending 3 hours with you, just the two of you? If I spent 3 hours with another woman, even if only chatting about life,the universe and everything, my girlfriend would not be happy.

[Amont]

If she's such a nice person why was she spending 3 hours with you, just the two of you? If I spent 3 hours with another woman, even if only chatting about life,the universe and everything, my girlfriend would not be happy.

Yeah well but that's the way it was. I'm not sure, why. Her bf might never have known about this.. and may never will. I don't really know, sorry.

[smackie9]

She digs the connection but I doubt she's feeling anything in her pants so drop it.

[smackie9]

You will meet plenty that you have a connection with, but it doesn't always mean something romantic. Just some food for thought.

Stop pining for someone who isn't available. My guess is, is that this isn't really the first time you got friend zoned. If they are not willing to put out and properly reciprocate for whatever reason, dump them fast.

[Amont]

You will meet plenty that you have a connection with, but it doesn't always mean something romantic. Just some food for thought.

Stop pining for someone who isn't available. My guess is, is that this isn't really the first time you got friend zoned. If they are not willing to put out and properly reciprocate for whatever reason, dump them fast.

I guess you're right about her digging the connection. Yet, we've only seen each other a couple of times, and only once since the trip. But whenever we have, it's been almost TOO nice. For a lot of people, you can't really become friends with a girl, but for me it's the way things begin (I agree that it cannot stay there forever). And from what I've heard/read, girls with her zodiac sign go at it the same way.

About friend zoning, yeah this is what usually happens to me. But this is just a new acquaintance right now.. I can't be in that zone this soon? Or, since she has someone already, me in the friendzone is all there is... hmm? I'm not pining since she's taken. Is there hope for the future though? Meanwhile.. I can be a really good and true friend. Why not? That's not bad, either. And you never know what the days to come might yet bring.

[smackie9]

You get friend zoned because you keep being their "great friend". Showing her how caring and great you are doesn't get the girl. Keeping yourself aloof and out of reach peaks their interest, and since you are the one who is doing the contacting, she is pretty much letting you know she's not interested.

BF or not, girls will go out of their way to talk to a guy they have an interest in. So this girl just likes the attention, which most young girls do, so I believe you are miss reading her vibe bro. You are thinking with your emotions which can distort things.

[Amont]

You get friend zoned because you keep being their "great friend". Showing her how caring and great you are doesn't get the girl. Keeping yourself aloof and out of reach peaks their interest, and since you are the one who is doing the contacting, she is pretty much letting you know she's not interested.

BF or not, girls will go out of their way to talk to a guy they have an interest in. So this girl just likes the attention, which most young girls do, so I believe you are miss reading her vibe bro. You are thinking with your emotions which can distort things.

I both agree and disagree with you. Seems to me you're not getting the full picture. I agree with you that being a great friend doesn't get you anywhere, but I've been there with many relationship opportunities in the past. And as such, I'm slowly but steadily trying to learn from it and thus not be such a great 'friend' all the time. This specific situation hasn't even been going on long enough for it to be called anything, so that's why I came here so I would know how to handle it better this time.

I only contacted her like once, we conversed a bit, agreed to meet up, she also gave me her number (without my asking), we saw each other and had a good time (I spoke of that in 1st post), she contacted me afterwards with a 'thank you!' + sth more that we talked about.

Anyway, right now it's just wait and see, nothing on the horizon really.

[smackie9]

Good luck then........