I Love Her And She Never Knew

[HackerExecute]

I've had a problem for quite some time now and I need help. It wasn't exactly a problem before but it grew ever since I was a Freshman in high school. And I'll tell you why it evolved into a problem in the first place.

I posted a reply to a thread under the Broken Hearts forum having a "discussion" with my ex. In that post you will know that I did fall in love with her and she was the only one I truly ever loved. And I say that because at the time she was mine, so I could and did give her all the love I had. That was the first time I've ever experienced that. Able to feel and give someone else true love properly. But that doesn't mean I haven't fell in love before. Which I believe has happened 1 other time. And still happening.

At age 14 I had a girlfriend in high school. She was a long distant girlfriend. I texted her everyday and all the time. I'll admit it did suck telling others I had a girlfriend that they didn't even know. Most of them always thought I lied. I wasn't exactly a popular kid so that explained why. But I had this girlfriend until a year after I transferred to an online high school. So my entire high school life consisted of me rejecting other girls who were interested in me. Including a real close friend that I had...and what makes this story worse is I began talking to this friend around the time I barely started dating the other girl. Which means a break up would not have been so harsh then, to take my chance with this friend. But even with a girlfriend I still talked to her.

I had a lot of classes with her throughout high school, luckily, and in every one of those classes she sat behind me or I behind her. We always talked and laughed in class, I always flirted with her, always made jokes, talked about anything and everything though most of the time our conversations consisted of more laughter. What really baffles me about our time talking, is how in the world I got her number. She was you could say a popular girl who had a lot of friends. I was the opposite but we both still talked to each other with no problem. And neither of us ever got mad at each other the 3-4 years of being friends and talking every day during and after school. We knew we liked each other. Everyone knew. Everyone always asked me if we were dating and to their surprise I answered no, we're just friends. No one ever knew how much those words killed me.

We hung out everyday. I walked her to class every single day. I texted her day and night. We stayed after school a lot, just talking, being with each other. Enjoying each others company. And on the weekends, many times I would invite her to the skating rink so we could both hang out and I could skateboard. Every time there was a party I met up with her there and stayed with her the entire time. Too bad I couldn't dance with her...I didn't know how. I took her to the fair. To the movies. Took her bowling. We met up with each other everywhere. On Halloween. And she came to my house quite a few times with her sister and my friend. This went on for the entire time that I was in high school. We were told by a lot of people that we looked good together. I was always happy around her, I could never frown. The first time ever that I could be myself around someone and act a fool without giving a single damn about what they thought about me. She said the same before and told it to one of her ex's in front of me. How she felt herself when around me. But what I felt whenever I was with her, words could never explain. I always looked forward to going to school because of her. And I hated that school so much but she could always make my day better.

When we gave each other greeting and goodbye hugs we stayed connected for quite a while. Sometimes I never let her go for a good minute just to fool around and she always laughed. Her laugh was the most adorable thing I've ever heard. She was incredibly beautiful with the most beautiful long black hair. The most gorgeous eyes and lips. And the sweetest voice I have ever heard. Everything about her is perfect and she made me feel like no other. None of you readers could ever understand how amazing our moments, memories and time was with her. Nor could I ever explain to you what it was like staring into those beautiful eyes.. and what I absolutely loved about her is how she was always open with me. She told me things through text and through phone and I always helped her. We were just so comfortable with each other. And I was so stupid to not have taken the many chances I had to break up with my girlfriend and have her for myself...even when SHE had a boyfriend in high school she still most of the time hung out with me.

It wasn't until a year or two ago at the high school's homecoming that I went with a few friends even out of school, that I realized my feelings were as stronger as ever for her. Around the time that it was ending, I saw her a few times with her boyfriend. It just hit me how stupid I was to let her go and miss my chance with her. I was quiet the rest of the day until I dropped a few friends off and went to an empty field to sit and hold back tears for 1 hour. I had never been so devastated. I saw her again at next years fair with her boyfriend. And this year. And she still has that boyfriend now. I stopped talking to her exactly a year ago but just 2 weeks ago sent her a text and we're talking on and off now like nothing ever happened.

I knew I was in love with her before the times I saw her at the county fair. I had trouble maintaining the girlfriend I had so I went to a friend for help and told him I had fallen in love with that girl. It went on for quite some time. Nights were unbearable. All I did was think about that girl. And almost all the time my friends told me to go steal her. To go ahead and make a move. I was stupid.

To this day I'm still in love with her and there isn't a doubt in my mind that I'm not. There were chances where I could have taken her away from her boyfriend. But she's been with him for over a year and it may be too late now. She has fallen in love as well. I'm not for sure if I can steal her heart now. We knew we liked each other. It was certain. But as time passed I began to fall deeply in love with her. I'm sure she was close to feeling the same even knowing I had a girlfriend. But I never told her. It's been 4 years and she still doesn't know.

So the actual situation is: do i tell her now after all these years?

I know she has a boyfriend. I wouldn't do anything now to separate them and I know if I tell her she may stay with him. Either way, I wouldn't attempt to steal her. It would be her choice. But listen carefully. I leave for the army in a few months which is why I texted her in the first place to ask if I could write her. There's 2 ways I have considered telling her. 1 way is through the letters when I'm already at basic. But my fear is that she wouldn't respond then. The other way is letting her know that instead of seeing her for 10 minutes to simply say goodbye before I leave, to change that and SPEND 1 last day with her as friends (assuming I wouldn't be able to see her after that) and telling her in person. I was going to text her know but figured I would wait to see a few replies here.

I know what you guys are thinking. "What if it will make things awkward, what if she won't talk to you after that?" We both know we've liked each other before. I know how she acted around me. How we talked, what we've said to each other. It wouldn't make things weird. We're capable of handling situations like that. The only negative thing I think may happen is she stays there quiet looking at me with a blank expression....and says, "Really? Oh." That would sure be devastating but I'm ready for it though I know it's unlikely to happen. If anything she would at least smile. I just need to know what to do, what to say, how to approach her, how to tell her and any advice from both male and female point of view would really help and be much appreciated.

[Heart Healer]

Hi HackerExecute,


Consider your words,

I stopped talking to her exactly a year ago but just 2 weeks ago sent her a text and we're talking on and off now like nothing ever happened.

clearly shows after a communication gap for that long, she didn't even feel any bit of inclination to stop by and ask for you, at the least. Only when you texted her, she felt the need to reply back, just as a good fried would do and it leaves no doubt possible, that if you again cease all contacts with her, she would happily stay silent. This shows, whatever happened then, has any pinch of effect on her heart. She is happy with her boyfriend and you should admit to it.

Its already been couple of years since you guys met, hanged out with each other and had fun. If there's any possibilities of things happening, they should have had happened then. Now, I believe, its quiet a long time and all the good memories you had with her are just with you and she clearly feels nothing about that time. So, be clear whatever you do, her respond to it will be negative.

So, ideally, you should keep your feelings to yourself owing to the fact that she has a boyfriend and she never felt anything for you. Whatever relationship you guys shared, was just friendship from her side.

Still, if you want to JUST speak your heart to her, because probably this is the last time you will see her ( Ideally you shouldn't see her after you speak your heart out to her until and unless she would like you to meet her ), you can do it. I suggest, writing or texting her is not a good idea. Understand she has a boyfriend and being a very generous person you are, you wouldn't like to break her relationship with her boyfriend or create any complications either for you or for her, if by chance her boyfriend comes across those texts or letters. Instead, keep it direct, short and simple. If you can meet her, try to meet her and say everything that comes to your mind or better call her up, talk to her and disclose all your feelings to her. The point is not to leave any thing as a proof which can create problems for both of you later.

There is nothing wrong in pouring out your feelings to her, if your intentions are not wrong. You have been in love, as you say, with her for past few years and you have been hiding your feelings till today. If you feel its getting difficult for you to carry this burden, better load it down. You know your intentions are clear and you are not wrong. Just talk to her, tell her and leave on her everything as to whether or not she would like to continue with this friendship or not. Your part is done.

[Boisdevie]

Here's my advice for the OP. Make the post a shitload shorter and I might read it. WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE JUST GET TO THE ****ING POINT?

[HackerExecute]

Still, if you want to JUST speak your heart to her, because probably this is the last time you will see her ( Ideally you shouldn't see her after you speak your heart out to her until and unless she would like you to meet her ), you can do it. I suggest, writing or texting her is not a good idea. Understand she has a boyfriend and being a very generous person you are, you wouldn't like to break her relationship with her boyfriend or create any complications either for you or for her, if by chance her boyfriend comes across those texts or letters. Instead, keep it direct, short and simple. If you can meet her, try to meet her and say everything that comes to your mind or better call her up, talk to her and disclose all your feelings to her. The point is not to leave any thing as a proof which can create problems for both of you later.

This is exactly it. Knowing that I'm leaving and I know I'll never see her again, I believe it would be best to just let her know how I felt, how she made me feel. ONLY so she can know. I didn't expect it to change anything because I know this far into her relationship, she'll stay with him. She's happy. I also never considered the year long gap of not talking...I was completely blind and didn't realize it being a factor in all of this. And exactly how I would have told her is explaining to her I don't want this knowledge to cause problems.

Here's my advice for the OP. Make the post a shitload shorter and I might read it. WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE JUST GET TO THE ****ING POINT?

I was creating detailed insight so I could be careful to receive the most accurate advice to help my final decision. I didn't expect to hear rants from an angry teenager that belongs on 4chan. If you don't want to read it, by all means don't. By your statement alone I can already tell you would be of no help.