Girlfriend keeps suggesting breaks, says she sees me as a friend, help...

[lookingforadvic]

I am 21 and my girlfriend is 19. We are in college. We have been dating for almost exactly a year, and it has been the best year of my life. She was my first serious girlfriend, and also the girl I lost my virginity too. She has had a few boyfriends before me. Up until about a month ago, our relationship was perfect. She was my best friend, we were so in love, and she was so fun to be around and affectionate. She is extremely attractive, all my friends are so jealous, I will never find a girl like her again she is literally perfect, short, dirty blonde, beautiful exotic face, amazing body, and she is so sweet, I love her so much. We have been through a lot together, her parents got divorced, she wanted to transfer schools but didn't get in, she describes the last year of her life as "miserable" but I have always been there for her.

Anyways recently she has suggested that we take breaks. We keep not speaking during the week but then end up talking/hanging out while drunk on the weekends. She has recently said that she just sees me as a friend, and it is painfully obvious when we hangout. We haven't had sex in about 6 weeks, it seems that all of her love/attraction for me is gone. She says she wants to be single so she can focus on herself for once, since her life has been so miserable. I just don't know what to do anymore, we had a plan to date for the year and then take a 2 year break once I graduated and she would still be in college, and then try to get back together after that. She used to say she wanted to marry me, and now she doesn't even love me.

She keeps saying people change, that it isn't her fault, that it is her, not me. I just cannot accept that my girlfriend who used to be so in love with me all of a sudden sees me as a friend, like it hurts so much. She says she wants this relationship to work out, but doesn't think it will. She has just changed so much, I have done nothing wrong, she says I am perfect, it's all her. I don't know what to do. We are currently on a break until Saturday when she agreed to come to my fraternity's date night with me. I see it as my last chance of keeping the thing most important to me in this world.

What should I do, I can't lose her, I really can't

[UKRomantic]

I think you are going to have to lose her, I'm afraid.

Once they just want friends, that's literally all the want. No one can say why she has suddenly decided this. I guess in her head she's been thinking about it for a while. She cares for you, doesn't want to lose you but also doesn't want anything more than friends. It sucks, but it's what happens.

You can try talking to her and trying to work things out.

[TheEvilJester]

Unfortunately, I have to agree with UKRomantic. If she is telling you she only sees you as a friend, there is a good chance that isn't going to change. Especially considering you were dating, and now she is suddenly seeing you as just a friend. I mean, don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean there is absolutely zero hope. It could be any number of things. She herself said her life has been miserable for a while. It could just be a bad reaction to all the crap going on in her life. That does happen sometimes.

It is just that it is much more likely that, regardless of why, she no longer sees you as anything more than a friend. That said, it does seem like she cares about you very much. It sounds as though she doesn't necessarily want to lose you completely. But, I understand that doesn't help you much if you can't see being just friends.

I think really the only thing you can do about it is have an honest and open discussion with her. Tell her how you feel. Try to ask about her as well. Ask in as fair and calm a way as you can for her to just level with you, is there anything maybe you've done wrong, or anything she feels she was not getting out of the relationship that she needs? Maybe there is just something she didn't want to talk about, and just thought it easier to let you off easily like this.

Just be prepared that you may get hurt. I would love to tell you otherwise, but it doesn't sound like you will necessarily get the ending you want here. Though, you never know. Either way, I wish you the best of luck. I hope you find what you want in a partner, whether it is her or your dream girl is still out there somewhere.

[Boisdevie]

If I was the OP I'd get my profile on POF right now because the writing is on the wall.

[Imnotdrunk]

1 No sex for 6 weeks and she sees you as a friend?Sir, sexual attraction is DEAD and you relationship will be dead soon as-well.
2. She wants to try some other c0#ks
3. "You're PERFECT, it's about her not you, she wants to take a break..." <- typical rambling from female partner before relationship falls apart

Dude, start looking for other girl.

[pcmaster]

Try to be more independent and be okay if shes not gona be your GF. She might be all nice and all but the attention she is giving to you really sums up how good she is.

This guy might help you



Also prepare yourself for worst.

http://www.loveforum.net/threads/85672-Guide-How-to-deal-with-breakup

Thats how it is with beautiful girls, always busy always guys hitting on them. If you are her BF nerves are wrecked. Be happy its over.

Gratz me on 2000 posts by the way !

[Starnique]

1 No sex for 6 weeks and she sees you as a friend?Sir, sexual attraction is DEAD and you relationship will be dead soon as-well.
2. She wants to try some other c0#ks
3. "You're PERFECT, it's about her not you, she wants to take a break..." <- typical rambling from female partner before relationship falls apart

Dude, start looking for other girl.

I'm all woman and I can tell you straight up, that is just the truth. When I want to end a relationship, I don't like hurting feelings so I'll say whatever to make it as easy and pleasant as possible.

Chances are, she's already met someone, just to add what the poster I quoted advised. Save yourself the heartache sweetheart and move on. If she wants to be free, let her fly. If she wants to walk out your life, let her. You seem like a nice guy so you'll find another. Someone better. She's not the one so be glad you don't have to waste more time and have a good time with the other chics until miss right comes along.

[basilandthyme]

I'm all woman and I can tell you straight up, that is just the truth. When I want to end a relationship, I don't like hurting feelings so I'll say whatever to make it as easy and pleasant as possible.

+1

Lookingforadvic, when I was dating, I think I almost always used the "it's not you, it's me" line when ending things. You see, the times I was honest, he'd try and use the information to promise change. That would have been fine if I'd wanted to continue the relationship, but if I've made a decision to end things - it's just not a conversation I want to have.

[Starnique]

Lol. Yep Basil is so right. Your girl is done but trying to be nice about it. Just move on.

[TheEvilJester]

The "it's not you, it's me" excuse would be so much fun to use in appropriate situations. "Hi....Crash Brothers Car Insurance. Yeah, I decided to switch to Progressive. It's not you, it's me. I just.... I can't commit to one car insurance right now. You deserve a customer who will be faithful to you, and that just isn't me right now. But.... heeeey. We can still be friends, right?" :-)

[imadesklamp]

My boyfriend has always told me that if I ever want to take a "break" from him, then we might as well break it off for good. We both believe that breaks shouldn't exist when you're in a relationship with someone you truly love- you work it out together. If she wants a break from you, then it's over. You have to let her move on and you need to move on yourself because you two being together with her mindset is obviously not going to work. Face it, she doesn't feel the same way as you feel about her. You can't force her to love you. You're young, you're in college. You'll find someone better.

[hatesthis]

Yes, break means see other people, not as into you as I once was, lets move on.

What is romantic love? is it the same as being in love? or different, just wondering.

[TheEvilJester]

My boyfriend has always told me that if I ever want to take a "break" from him, then we might as well break it off for good. We both believe that breaks shouldn't exist when you're in a relationship with someone you truly love- you work it out together. If she wants a break from you, then it's over. You have to let her move on and you need to move on yourself because you two being together with her mindset is obviously not going to work. Face it, she doesn't feel the same way as you feel about her. You can't force her to love you. You're young, you're in college. You'll find someone better.

I definitely agree with this for the most part. To me, "taking a break" implies that there is thought of ending the relationship permanently. At that point, why play games? It is one thing if you need a little solo time to think before making a decision. But, one way or another, man up (you know... or woman up), deal with the issues, and decide whether the relationship is worth the work, or should just end. "Taking a break" implies that the relationship is technically temporarily over, yet with the expectation that it may start up right where it left off, or may just end completely. Either way, that can honestly lead to problems more than it can lead to any good. So, if you are at the point of considering "taking a break" then to me the more sensible idea would be to start having some serious discussions as to what is not working and whether or not the relationship can be saved.