CoNfUsEd !!!! Plzzzzz HelP

[SOUL SISSSSTA]

Hey Guys ;o)
Could really use some insight to the male brain .. So here's the story in a nutshell

I dated this guy a while back (approx 8 months ago) for about 3 months & we had a great connection right off the bat, great chemistry attraction and great communication ..
We both share a love for music, I sing and he is a musician so we clicked instantly while on stage. I am 31, he is 38 and divorced no kids but he divorced years ago (when he was 32)
So after a few months of dating I did not find him to be serious and at the time I was looking for a serious relationship - plus his lifestyle was not appealing as he had the classic lifestyle of a musician - plenty of woman and partying
When we were together he used the classic lines of "your so unique, your not like all the other woman" .. probably because I didn't sleep with him and fall to his feet because he was a musician.

As I felt I wasn't getting what I needed from the relationship, I decided to end it. Towards the end things became a bit awkward between us so I just sent him an email (which in retrospect was a bit retarded I know, but eh I felt it was the best way I could express myself) I explained in the email, that it was great getting to know him but I feel like we are not on the same page. He tried to call directly after but I did not answer, just needed some time to myself.

After a few months I went down south with my brothers on vacation and he was playing in a bar around the corner so of course he notices me out of the entire crowd and asks me up to sing .. I got up he gave me a huge hug and it was a blast, He said that the crowd was going nuts from my performance .. After that we started to communicate via FB and on the phone occasionally and he told me he was dating someone and that he didn't know where it will lead, but he is trying ..Our conversations got so much better since there is no "relationship pressure" and he opened up to me about so much, wanting a relationship but not being able to commit - his commitment issues and that he wants to go and get help. Hes opened up about his current girlfriend, and said shes a great girl but he doesn't know how he feels yet and is really trying to make it work .. (They've been dating for about 4 months I think), We have a lot of fun talking since we got back in contact and constantly make each other laugh, and have really gotten closer.

So here is the catch .. Since we broke up I have been dating and everything but haven't found anyone just yet and have obviously been lonely and i find myself kind of being straightforward about the fact that I want to just have a sort of friends with benefits thingy with him - well obveously he did not turn me down and so one night we did .. have sex and I did feel bad about that because honestly I have NEVER done anything that immoral in my life before !! But it was so great as awful as that sounds .. especially since when we were dating we never did sleep together

So we have met up a few times for sex as I am very clear on my intentions, only its not just sex ! last time he invited me to a concert and dinner (in which he paid) and then we ..
& the other night completely took me by surprise when I went over to his house and we were watching a movie - and after the movie I was feeling feisty and put on my seductive act thinking ok this is what I came here for .. but he was cuddling with me and then we fell asleep .. I totally did not plan on sleeping there .. and was just mystified at what the heck was going on .. it was very clear I was coming over for sex only the "Sex" never happened.

Im just confused .. Still out there dating and hoping to find a guy who is not terrified of commitment, but the process is so lonely
I don't really see a future with him but I do have some sort of feeling towards him and do value our connection, I guess I'm just curious as to what this is ??

HELP !!

[RipVanWinkleX]

He is with someone though. Or at least that what I am reading. Why would he sleep with you when he has a girl friend? He said that he is trying to make it work with her. Why expect that he will just sleep with you? Sure you guys may have a connection, but I have to give the guy a clap for being able to control himself in that situaction.

Though you did say you were clear in the intention. Maybe he wanted too, but in the end he dicided to not cheat on his gf.

[michelle23]

You have fallen for all his bullshit and became the other woman. Now your letting him play you like a fiddle. You broke your moral code for him, broke your boundaries, settled for second best and have allowed him to carry on with his player lifestyle by stupidly believing he will change.. he wont and this wont end well. You let him win. You saw him for what he is but still caved coz your "lonely". No offence but your just another pathetic little doormat for him to use.. he will crush all your self esteem, you will become dysfunctional and then he will toss you away like dirty used damaged goods and move on to the next victim leaving you broken. If you have any brain in your head then get the hell away from him now. How can you sleep with someone who has been all over town, prob has a few diseases and is sleeping with someone else? How can you believe he wants to change when hes still doing what hes always done? Your being an idiot. I suggest you stop wasting your life on losers and go get what you really want- a proper honest relationship. Stop pretending you dont want more with him and go and look in the mirror- figure out why your self worth is so low that youll settle for this crap

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[SOUL SISSSSTA]

Harsh !! But true ; thanks for the insight
Honestly I'm no doormat & went into this situation very consciously so that I am in control - Simply just wanted to let loose with someone I already knew rather than a perfect stranger but it is definitely more complicated than that ..
My morals were not crushed and this is not a game of win or lose, because it was a conscious decision I made even given all the facts - and unlike other woman I know how to separate my feelings from my "brain" .. in which yes I do have
Anyhoo - I know this paints a pretty bad picture but I am a very successful intelligent independent woman, who is just tired of waiting around for a "good" guy to come around .. and yes I admit its Low (and Ive never been here before) and dont plan on staying in this position because like you mentioned above it wont end well !! Dont guys do this type of stuff all the time, why is it so terrible when woman do it ? well I guess its terrible either way
In any case - I appreciate you taking the time to comment & for your honesty

[michelle23]

Darling if your so intelligent, successful and attractive then there has to be something wrong if you cant find a decent bloke. This guy saw fool written in your forward. He wouldnt have persued you at all if he thought your strong or independent and he wouldnt have been able to manipulate you. Somehow you are sending out the wrong message. Players like a challenge but only a challenge they can win.. theres certain women they dont go near coz they no its not gonna work. Seriously stop making excuses. You no your wrong and so is he. You shouldnt care if other people do this or that-the point is do you want to do this immoral bs? Your a grown woman, your not a child so take some responsibility and do better with your life. Set your standards higher.

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[michelle23]

Sorry for being so harsh btw but these men piss me off big time and it drives me insane when i see women falling for their crap. You know you can do better so dont settle

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