Am I being played?

[DontForgetToFly]

I'm just gonna jump right in. I've been good friends with this guy for about 3 years now and I've always had a thing for him but this summer, I finally admitted it to myself. So, I asked him if he wanted to go for drinks about a month and a half ago and to cut a long story short, since then we've been meeting up a lot and moved from friends to kisses and cuddles whilst watching a movie. So, it was all going well, until this Monday he told me "he wasn't looking for anything serious at the moment." Pretty heart wrenching, but okay.

The thing is his actions just don't go with his words. From the beginning he was giving off all the signs of potentially getting together, like getting to know me better than we already did and he was the one that made all the first moves. He's always the one to organise our dates, and movie nights. In our lectures, he started to tell his close friends we were now seeing each other and obviously word travels fast, so quite a few people know now, plus he started sitting next to me in our seminars as well, which he never did before. He walks me home and asks me to chill after I've finished work. We have such a good time together, when we play xbox, he rests his knees on mine and helps me if anything happens.

Over the past few days, we started getting intimate with each other and my first thoughts were "oh here we go, this is clearly the friends with benefits starting". But it's so not like that. The first time he ever stayed over, he made no attempt to start anything sexual, we just cuddled and talked until we fell asleep. This time, stuff did happen, but after all he could do was hug me so tight, wrapped his legs with mine and played with my hair and kissed me softly on the cheek until gradually we fell asleep and in the morning he stayed until after midday. I asked him what he thought we were and he said "well we're seeing each other, aren't we?" and I agreed as it's way too soon for anything more.

Does it sound like I'm being played for a fool or does he sound quite genuinely interested?

[Wakeup]

So, it was all going well, until this Monday he told me "he wasn't looking for anything serious at the moment." Pretty heart wrenching, but okay.

Why do you say "okay" when obviously it is not okay with you? You do yourself harm by being so indifferent to your own emotional health.

Stop being okay with things being undefined. He's told you he doesn't want a relationship with you but he wants ALL the benefits that that dynamic entails. Fk that. Talk to him and tell him that you want the relationship defined, by him, and if its not that he wants to be exculsive with you and he stops actively looking for anyone else, then you'll have to discontinue what you are doing so that you don't get shredded here.

Stop being Okay with shit you are obviously NOT okay with. What a waste of your time and emotions. Seriously. Gurl up and get yourself to where you want to be with him and if he's agin it then stop giving him the things that people in relationships share with one another. Who the **** does he think he is? Who the hell are you allowing him to think you are?

"We are seeing each other" JHC.. you've been "seeing each other for ages and now you've advanced this 'seeing each other' to the sexual. Time to ask for exclusivity or he gets the boot.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Here's what I told a woman in your situation yesterday. http://www.loveforum.net/threads/85771-Oh-so-NOW-he-wants-to-see-me-what-to-do

Treat it as a completely physical relationship, and enjoy him for the traits you've pointed out. During this time, continue to look for a guy who wants something long term. If you can't handle that, don't respond to his coffee invite.

Playing games won't make him want you or love you. If his interest is passive(seems like it) or he just doesn't care, you can't win. Trust me.

[Wakeup]

Treat him like a **** buddy? She is too emotionally involved with him already to be able to successfully do that so: He keeps the status quo (all the benefits of a relationship without the commitment) while she continues to pretend? I don't think so, Op. Your call of course but I say pffffft to that.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Continue looking for others is key.

[Wakeup]

Backup: I don't know of too many women that can even find other men attractive enough to "keep looking for someone else." No one else will measure up if she's already emotionally strung out on him. I believe many men can do what you suggest but many (most?) women cannot. We (who this applies too) just cannot put the toothpaste back into the tube.

[michelle23]

For f**k sake. Some of you women really piss me off. You very obviously want more then friends with benefits with this guy but your willing to take whatever hes offering just coz you like him.. what is wrong with you?? When somebody tells you something you should open your ears and listen. "Im not looking for a thing right now" means ill f**k you till something better comes along. Stop being an idiot and tell him straight you want a serious relationship so its better you dont see each other anymore, goodbye! Let him use you if you want but your just gonma get hurt

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[DontForgetToFly]

I'm not completely stupid, I can see what he's doing but none of it really fits, that's all. Why would he be telling people we're together if he wanted just a f*** buddy out of me? I mean, yes I've been in love with him since f***ing first year but we're in our final year now and I just thought I'd see where he was at.

The only thing I question is that when he gets drunk, he gets a lot less sexual and more romantic and talks about the future and holds my hand in public and blah blah blah, he sends cute texts and I just think, if he was fully in it for the physical, would he even show this other side? I've never really had anything with a guy so I'm totally lost as to what they say and do. I do agree with everyone here, I just need to work out if I'm going to be able to let him go. I've been hurt badly before and I got over that, so I could probably get over this eventually.

[michelle23]

Lots of guys show affection towards the girl they are f**king. That doesnt mean a thing. All it means is hes not a bloody robot and he sees you as a person but he told you hes not looking for something serious and you choose to ignore that just coz he likes holding your hand sometimes?

Does he know how you feel about him? If not then you need to tell him.

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