In love with a good friend.

[TreeSap13]

I'm in love with one of my good friends, and she doesn't even know.

Let's call her Amber. I first met Amber in Grade 11, two years ago. The first thought that popped into my head when I first seen her was "Wow, look at that weirdo." This was fitting, because she was sitting alone in a group of desks, with a crazy hairstyle, and hippy clothes on, which actually describes how she always looks even to this day. Little did I know, she was actually quite "popular" and had a lot of friends. After about a month, I had to sit with her because all the seats were taken up. She was doodling and I commented on how good it was, and from there, we just started talking and eventually became great friends.

After a year of being good friends, we're both in grade 12 now. I really liked her at this point. During my 5th period class, she had a free period. She always spent it in the art room, painting. I went down every day for 15-20 minutes just to hang out with her (I had a filler class (Journalism), so it didnt matter). I've never had a friend like Amber where I could just talk to her about anything at all. If she felt sad, she could just talk to me no problem. If there was a problem between us, we'd talk and work it out with no hesitation. It was really great.

Near the end of the year, we kinda just decided that we would go to prom together. I was the happiest guy in the world. We had everything planned out and it was going to be really fun. Until about 3 days before prom. She texted me and said we weren't going. She had gotten a boyfriend and he basically refused to let her go with me. I was destroyed. I got really angry at her and we basically had a big fight. She broke up with him right after prom, so that sucks..

We didnt talk for 3 months. Until the end of September when she messaged me and said she misses me. We patched things up and now we're good friends again. My feelings for her returned as well. Except now, I feel like I'm in love with her. I haven't felt this way about any of my ex's. And she doesn't even know.

I haven't seen her in person since before prom, but we do talk regularly over Facebook and through text. I asked if she wants to hang out some time to get caught up, and she said she'd love to if she wasn't so busy (University, Work, ect..). We did skype a couple times last week, and that was amazing, but I don't know how to ask her if she wants to do that again without being awkward.

How do you tell someone that you just love them? I can't just come out and say "Yeah I think I'm in love with you". I really just want her to know how much she means to me.
Also I'm a really shy person, always have been, and that gets in the way a lot of the time.

[Heart Healer]

Hi TreeSap13,


I really liked your honesty towards your feelings and her. I can understand how heartbreaking it must have been, when she refused your proposal to go at the prom. It must have been heart wrecking.

Coming to your question, I would suggest you not to react so quick or do things in hurry. Its been couple of months since you guys haven't seen each other. Take sometime out, go to her university and take her with you to some place, hang out for the entire day, surprise her with something..... in short, make your next meeting memorable. Your friendship has just experienced a communication gap of few months, its time when you should ideally, normalize things first back to what it used to be and then move forward with anything, like proposing her.

If you propose her right now, all of a sudden, she might not feel that comfortable answering you. It would come out as if you were desperate to tell it to her and was trying to meet her just to speak it out. Take another week or two, plan a couple of outings together... anything like going to movies, dinner at a good restaurant or just spend sometime on a quiet and silent place reviving your old memories or just talking. The idea behind all this is to give yourself and her some quality time to spend together and smooth up things a bit. I presume, internet chatting through any social network can never give the satisfaction what you get when you meet your friend/partner in person and hug him/her. So, before proposing to her your love, take some weekends out together to spend some quality time, giving her the chance to feel comfortable with you and feel the love for you.

Right after, you feel the time is good for you to tell her your feelings, you can do that to her directly without being manipulative about her feelings for you or without expecting much. That's how love should be. When you love someone, you desire to be with him on the condition that he'she stays happy with you. When expectations creep in, they tear you in shreds when they remain unfulfilled. Look, you don't know if she feels the same for you, if she loves you or not and we are not going to judge her. You will just be honest to her with your feelings and leave things on her to decide.

Just be positive that things will be fine. Have some faith in yourself, some in God and some in your destiny.

[basilandthyme]

Treesap, you say that you want to tell her how you feel. Does this mean you want to steal her away from her boyfriend? If so, you had better have some sharp moves happening. Stealing someone else's girl is no mean feat.