I need some real good advice

[rubygem10]

Hi. There's a guy I really like. I've known him since we were teens and I always thought he was cute. He is my best friend's nephew and I've known him and his family for 20 years. Thats how far back we go. We're only 3 years apart so its also not a cougar thing lol. He's in the military and has been seeing a girl who's also in the military. They've been dating for 2 months. Back in August she reenlisted into the military and knew she'd be leaving the base. She was in a long distance relationship with a fiancee and they broke up in early September. Then 2 weeks later she starts dating my friend. She found out where they're sending her recently and its really far. Like 4700 miles far. She wants to have a ldr with my friend when she leaves to her new place. She has a horrible track record with long distance relationships. Her fiancee was not the first shes done this to. My friend is an amazing guy and I can understand why she'd want to hang onto him. But shes going to be gone for at least 3 years. He can't leave his place for another 2 years. He's not totally sold on the long distance relationship.
My dilemma: he recently told me he really likes me and has liked me for a really long time but never told me. I like him too and I told him so but I don't want to be a side piece. He's really confused about his current situation and is very unsure of what to do. Also he's due for deployment really soon and wants me to go down to see him for a weekend before he leaves. What do I do? Do I just go along with it? Do I say no? What can I tell him about his relationship? I don't want him to get hurt. I also don't want to be hurt either. What do I do?

[michelle23]

Do you want a long distance relationship with this guy? Can you trust him not to cheat in any way?

If yes, then tell him you have feelings too but your not being the other woman. No way. Its all or nothing so he needs to make up his mind. If he chooses you, you need to tell him that you will not tolerate him talking to her at all. He either cuts her off completely or you and he have no chance

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

[Wakeup]

As long as he's still in a relationship with the other girl, you should stay away from him physically and emotionally because if you don't ~ then more likely then not, you will be setting yourself up to be that "side piece" you so don't want to be.

He has a girlfriend right now and for all you know, they may have set it up that they do not have to be sexually exclusive while the two of them are apart. Believe it or not, many couples in the armed services have this arrangement. You don't want to be his sexual playmate until she comes back from where she's stationed.

You tell him that its inappropriate for you to be seeing him off when he's in a relationship with someone else and then you wish him well and to be safe ~ over the phone.

[JinVA]

My opinion is that his situation with his current girl is doomed to fail, however you cannot be the one to try and "convince" him of that on your own. If he asks your opinion, you can give your basic opinion of the specific question, but beyond that you could unwittingly be trying to sabotage him or he may just think you are and may resent you for it.

As far as expressing your feelings for him, I think you should tell him how you feel. But I agree that you definitely should not be the one othe side or step in to wreck it; as Wakeup stated, it should be an all or nothing. He needs to decide once you tell him your feelings and make up his mind and wrap it up completely first BEFORE you start to move forward with anything, otherwise you run the risk of creating the same situation for the two of you down the road.

That's my opinion - we are all here because we all have questions ourselves.

[rubygem10]

Thanks guys. Right now he is underway and wont be back for a month. I guess I have time to think about it as does he. He barely has internet on his ship but he has emailed me the few times he's had it. He's told his family he's probably not going to stay together with his girlfriend. His mom isn't happy about his relationship either especially the distance part. He doesn't want to hurt the girl's feelings tho which is why he agreed to the long distance relationship. I know he cares for her which is why its really hard for him right now. He has asked me about my opinion on it. I told him that long distance don't always work out, and he needs to be emotional prepared for it should it fail. I once tried a long distance relationship and it didn't end well. I was about the age of his girlfriend now. She's going to HI which makes him really uneasy. He thinks there are a lot of good-looking guys out there who will hit on her. He's said he feels like he's putting his balls in a box and handing it to her and he feels like that's not very fair. Itd be over a year before they would see each other given he move and his deployment. He's very confused about it all. I feel bad for him. He's in a tough position. I don't want to make it worse. I guess its a good thing he's at sea right now.

[Wakeup]

Is she seriously expecting him (and he, her) to remain celibate for a whole year while the two of them will be surrounded by service people of the opposite sex? Pfft. Thats unreasonable to expect of anyone at their age.

You, well, you be careful because you sure don't want him to break up with her and then keep you around until she gets back. He really needs to be free and clear of her in heart and mind BEFORE he starts up anything with you.

Good luck.

[smackie9]

Never invest yourself in someone who can't invest themselves in you......it's a waste of energy. Date a nice fella locally that doesn't have GF baggage.

[michelle23]

Honestly youve already tried long distance and it didnt end well. Why are you considering it again? Hes gonna be gone for months at a time fot the forseeable future. Do you not want a real bf close to home that you can see everyday? One that you know for sure isnt with anybody else

Stop thinking with your heart. If i was in your shoes asking you for advice, what would you tell me to do? I bet the answer is dont waste your time, feelings or energy on a guy whos gonna be a thousand miles away and possibly cheating on you.

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk