what to do!!

[tkdmurphy]

ok so basically i have been with my boyfriend for two years and mostly our relationship is great! however at the very start of the relationship he cheated on me twice and this has caused serious problems still 2 years on. I only discovered this because he was caught by a cousin of mine kissing girls on a night out. He told me about his cheating on a night out drunk when threatened by my cousin that she would reveal the truth to me if he didn't. When he told me I was drunk and in public so I didn't ask many questions at all plus he was crying and I didn't want to cause a scene and embarass myself! We had only been together 2 months and I basically stayed with him because i didn't want to look stupid that I couldnt make it work. He had come to meet my parents that weekend so I just pretended I was ok with it and i forgave him because he was drunk when it happened and he said he didn't even remember it but that if my cousin saw it it must be true. We stayed together and we had a great relationship until one day 6 months later he left his fb open and I discover that 2 weeks prior to the indiscreation I knew of he had gone to a family party and hooked up with 5 girls as you can imagine I felt like a fool!! I found this out just as we were going to his cousins wedding where the people who had wittnessed him cheat on me would be! I also found out he did remember the second night he cheated and he had tried to cover it up. At this stage in our relationship I was in love with him and because he had been faithful since the night my cousin saw him so I forgave him but I have not forgotten!! Also when I confronted him over that lie I also finally let all my feelings out about when he told me about his cheating 6 months before. We agreed to move past it because I really did love him and I knew he had grown up since then. however I still feel completly insecure when ever he goes out as I'm convinced that if he is out with the same people he was with when he cheated in the first place he will do it again and its a feeling I cant shake! I feel crazy and like a bitch for questioning him when he is out or going out because I know from how he treats me and how he acts that he loves me and everyone of our friends tell me how lucky I am its just a lot of the trust has been eroded and I am the type of person that cannot let go im stubborn! I am jealous of basically any girl who smiles r txts him even old school friends of his and on nights i go out without him and get plastered I cause more harm than good by coming home and bringing up the past.
I am going to drive him away if I cannot let this go and I just want to build the trust back again. I know in my heart he is a great guy who is so kind and sensitive and he just made mistakes on two nights at the start of his first ever realtionship but its the scenarios in my head that are driving me crazy. Sometimes I think if I kiss someone else I will feel better as we will be even but I could never hurt him like that. Just looking for some advice on how to get over this..I need to soon its been over a year since i found out everything and the stress will tear us apart if I don't learn to deal with the past.

[Heart Healer]

Hi tkdmurphy,



Your perception as a girlfriend might be right because you are taking the situation on more of an emotional front than practical. Your boyfriend is not a kid who needs to be taught to value his relationship and girlfriend. When a person enters in a relationship, he does a commitment, a promise to stay loyal to his/her partner whatsoever happens. Your boyfriend, is very unstable from mind. He has no control over his feelings of getting attracted towards other girls. Whenever he sees a bunch of girls around him, he gets inclined to them even after knowing the fact that he is already in a relationship. I can understand how stupid it makes you feel. Also, that he lied after being confronted by you makes the situation even more worse.

Its right said, "I you want something really badly, set it free. If it comes to you, its yours forever. If it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with".
I guess this is the time for you to set your boyfriend free. Perhaps, he is taking you too much for granted. He should also realize your worth, the value of this relationship, intensity of your love. When he will understand, he will come back to you and will stay with you forever. Right now, he is a bit indecisive. He wants to be free but this relationship and commitments aren't allowing him to be. So, let him go to girls and hang out with them as much as he wants. You very well know, these things are just temporary pleasures and nothing will stay for long. Don't allow him to cheat on you any further while you re-collect the broken pieces of your relationship and try to rebuild it.

[Cerby]

If you aren't ready to get over it now, you probably never will be. If someone doesn't respect you by cheating right at the beginning of your relationship, then they likely won't later on either.

Your best bet is really to figure out if you can EVER see yourself getting over it. If not, then you need to make a decision on the future of the relationship.

[michelle23]

You should have dumped him when you found out. Its crazy that you keep forgiving him. I bet if you snooped on him you would find a lot more. He hasnt changed one bit. Your just naive and have your head in the clouds. Cheaters cheat. Big surprise but hes still cheating and will continue to do so. Stop being a doormat

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