Second Part of a Sanity Check

[JinVA]

As a follow-up to my original question that has also greatly bothered me with my GF that has gotten in my opinion much worse over the past couple months, I have a related issue. We are in a long term committed "loving" relationship, that even several months ago discussed living together and even some conversations on marriage.

I have no doubt that there are issues afoot for us, but I am trying VERY hard to be very reflective of my actions and expectations to make sure I am not expecting too much or acting in a way an average person would consider improper, clingy, or controlling. I want to learn from any mistakes or missteps and make my situation better or ensure the next goes better.

She was never a text crazy lady, which is fine since I am not a major texter, but there was a decent amount of regular text conversation that would occur. But a bit over 2 months ago, she has not only been limited in advising when she makes plans to go out with others, but what I am also finding frustrating is now she almost never responds to my texts when she is out.

Now I hardly text her when she is out, but the times I do, she rarely responds until hours later. This is common when she goes out for drinks with a friend or family and usually will not hear back until the end of the outing or much later. Today is a perfect example, I know she is out with her brother, and when she texted me that she was "out getting drinks and watching the game" with him, I texted right back asking where they went, but 5 hours later still no response.

When I have asked about her lack of responses recently she seems to be defensive telling me that she was busy. But what really gets under my skin is when we are out together, she WILL respond to her friends texts, not necessarily immediately, but in fairly short order and sometimes several replies. Not like she is glued to her phone when we are out, but always at least checks her phone at various points (~30 min or less) when we are out.

I want general honest feedback to the situation, as well as another sanity check to verify I am not expecting too much by expecting to get replies in a somewhat timely fashion (less than an hour) especially since I do not text her frequently and definitely not most times she is out and my texts are fairly innocuous.

[michelle23]

How often do you see each other? Have you told her how you feel about this?

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[JinVA]

About 1/2 the time, every couple days and alternating weekends due to my custody situation with my kids; she doesn't have any.

Yes, I have brought it up a few times recently, and as I said she indicates that she just didn't reply because she was "busy" (hanging out). Again, I hardly text (or call) her when she goes out, but recently if I do, she is as I say MIA.

6 hours later today when I finally sent her a follow-up text stating "feeling disconnected", her reply was "we went bar hoping. Don't feel disconnected based on a few hours of no contact that's life baby "

Again, she will reply to her friends or answer the phone when we are out together, but for me it has been a situation where she make me feel as if I am being unreasonable, expecting far too much, and sometimes tells me I am acting controlling.

Between this lack of response issue I have and her not even advising at all when she makes plans to go out, these are the only things she calls me controlling over. That is why I need a sanity check to see if it is expecting too much or could be seen as controlling for me to think it is reasonable to get a response in a fairly timely manner (~1hr).

[michelle23]

It sounds to me like she may be losing intetest. Id play her at her own game. Dont contact her at all for the next day or two. Wait for her text or call but dont reply for 6 hours and if she gets annoyed say "busy, thats life" if she gets stropy say "stop being controlling" etc

Shes playing games so play right back and prove your point.

Immature i know but your getting nowhere right now with your current mature way of doing things.

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