Desire for 'normal' sex

[sophiejoy]

Have been with my partner for 15 yrs & have been completely faithful. He's has a spinal injury & therefore, sex is almost non existant (usually just a little forplay is all I get which is pretty rare. When we do have full sex, I have to always be on top & as he can't feel anything down there, I can't make him orgasm). Needless to say, I'm immensely frustrated & don't know what to do?

[Wakeup]

Buy a few sex toys and get him to work them on you... or you use it on him. There can be much bonding during this sexual play.

What are you frustrated about now that you were not frustrated about 15 years ago?
When did he suffer this spinal injury?
Have you ever tried milking his prostate?

Adding: Maybe this site will help both of you.. I'm thinking you're probably not the only one at your house that's "frustrated."

http://www.facingdisability.com/spinal-cord-injury-experts/diane-m-rowles-ms-np?gclid=CLCt24fPiLsCFRBgMgodulsAOw

Here's another site that might help the two of you. Google is your friend, Sophie. Try googling to find other sites that will educate you to being unfrustrated.

http://www.apparelyzed.com/forums/topic/17255-ferticare-vibrator-vs-hitachi-magic-wand/

[michelle23]

You can train his body and stimulate different areas to help him achieve orgasm in a different way. I watched this program called "strange sex" and one guy was paralyzed from the waste down in his 20's or 30's and eventually his thumb became a surrogate penis.. You guys should see a sex therapist and work on new things together.

Dildos can be a good substitute for sex but it is better to include him in this so you guys can bond more during the act. Ask him to figure out your gspot..

Im not sure if prostate play would work on him if hes paralyzed. Maybe you could start by trying to give him a nipple orgasm. You may need to try it 100 times before it works but it would be worth it if it does.

Anyway you do need to bring the spark back and get more intimate in general so talk to him about it. Tell him your frustrated and you want both of you to enjoy more intimacy and make a big effort from now on. Communication is key

If hes not willing to work on, then maybe you need to think about whether this relationship is making you hapoy enough to stay

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[Wakeup]

Ad I said, She can use the "dildo" on him too.

I suggest you do your research before you talk to him. That way you'll have solutions for BOTH of you to discuss and go over together to see if they'll be good choices for both of you.

One of those sites I gave you is a forum for people with spinal cord injuries. Both of you joining something like that might be helpful as well. Men in the link I provided are talking about reaching orgasm with a vibrator to the prostate.

Good luck. Do some investigating... You'll find lots on what you're looking for from people in the same situation.

[sophiejoy]

Many thanks guys, really appreciate this. Unfortunately, my partner seems to have gone off sex including forplay (very prudish these days & completely opposite to myself) & will not consider therapy or forums of any sort :/

[michelle23]

Have you told him how this makes you feel? Have you told him calmly "i need intimacy, its really important to me, i feel like someone important is missing and i really would appreciate you trying to fix this with me" or something similar?

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[michelle23]

Sorry something important missing is what i meant

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[sophiejoy]

I have tried in so many words but he just tells me to get it elsewhere though I know if i did, he'd be devestated

[michelle23]

Have you considered ending this relationship? Hes not meeting your needs, not willing to even try and sleeping with others wont make you happy. You obviously want that connection with him

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[sophiejoy]

I often think about leaving, & did for a couple of months last yr but went back as worried about him as really, I'm the only person he has & I care about him deeply

[michelle23]

Caring for someone deeply is a lot different to being "in love".

I know its a really difficult situation and im not sure what advice to give. Maybe ask him to see a sex therapist alone to help him figure out new ways of having an orgasm. It is achievable and may bring back his motivation

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[Wakeup]

Many thanks guys, really appreciate this. Unfortunately, my partner seems to have gone off sex including forplay (very prudish these days & completely opposite to myself) & will not consider therapy or forums of any sort :/

Then you take a look and then introduce to him what you've discovered.

I have tried in so many words but he just tells me to get it elsewhere though I know if i did, he'd be devestated

You don't "know" anything of the sort. If you're open to opening up your relationship, if he's not open to experimentation, councelling or forums that will help him with his non-motivation then find out through open communication if he will "be devestated." If he's told you to go ahead, then why would you think he'd not want you to enjoy yourself while you remain bonded to him?

You have no right to speak for him. He may love you enough that he'd want you to be sexually satisfied. Believe it or not there are people in this world who are willingly able to do that for a spouse.