Love 2 people.. maybe?? Help?

[greenbean92]

Hello all. I am new here and in need of some advice!

Long story short.. I think i might be in love with 2 people. ?

I am in a relationship with my bf. We met a little over a year ago and jumped into a relationship. we now live together. Were both in love with eachother.
I met a guy at my work a few months ago which happens to be my manager :/ We text and flirt all the time. I feel terrible doing this behind m bfs back, but i really cant help myself. I'm having very very strong feelings for him and dont know what to do. I dont want to lose my bf, I love him so much. At the same time, i dont want to be asking myself "what if". Im afraid that ill risk everything i have now for nothing.. But what if i might be even happier with the other guy? I just dont know what to do and I desperately need some guidance. Thank you so much!

[hatesthis]

Don't cheat. If you fall in love with another while with someone already you don't love the 1st one because if you did how could you then fall in love with the 2nd?

[horsetheman]

I just posted a thread about what I'm going through. I'm pretty much that other guy. Its hard when you like two people, but you cant string someone along. I know the girl I'm having issues with really likes me, but is also in a relationship. For her, the relationship she has is comfortable. Shes not completely head over heels for him, but she knows hes always there. If she took the chance on me, knowing me less, it could be a risk. And its not fair to me, or to her boyfriend for talking to me behind his back. So its something you should decide soon, or risk hurting them both. Ask yourself what you like about the other guy. Can you see a true relationship, or just a fling? And is he even looking for anything more from you, other than someone to flirt around with. I know its a tough place to be. Just start weighing the pros and cons of each. Or maybe your current relationship is just in a dull place. If so, then talk to boyfriend. See if theres something you two can do it bring more life to it.

[michelle23]

Your having an emotional affair. You need to choose now. This isnt fair on your bf

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[michelle23]

Youll likely regret everything if you leave A for B. An affair is just a fantasy. If you really love your bf then tell your boss to get lost, be honest with your bf about whats been going on and if you lose both-so be it. People like you shouldnt be with anyone anyway. You suffer from the grass is greener syndrome and need counselling if you ever want to have an honest relationship

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[TheEvilJester]

It's hard for me to offer advice here. Sometimes, I swear, I actually think something is wrong with me. When I am in a relationship and am happy with the person, I'm not even capable of thinking of somebody else in that way. Heck, my relationship was even pretty bad for a while and I still couldn't think of anybody else in that way. For me, it takes the relationship to be over before I am capable of thinking of anybody else. But, I swear, it seems like I am in the extreme minority there. My instinct would be to agree with some of the statements above, but I seriously wonder whether I am the one who is weird. So, perhaps you at least deserve the benefit of the doubt.

However, the fact of the matter is that cheating is cheating, whether it is emotional or physical. If you are in a relationship, then it isn't right to even flirt with somebody else. Being friends is okay (so long as it doesn't bother your significant other), but flirting is not. Heck, it isn't fair to the other guy either. It gives him the impression that you are okay with it, when you should not be. Does he know you are in a relationship? If he does, then I personally wouldn't think too highly of him anyway for flirting with somebody who is taken. If he does not, then that makes what you are doing even more unfair. You would be potentially giving him the impression that you are available and interested in him, when you are, in fact, already in a relationship.

You need to decide what it is you truly want. If you are having doubts about your boyfriend, it sounds like you probably aren't necessarily committed to him. Nobody deserves that. Yes, it is very likely that this is just a situation where you are just looking at it from a "grass is always greener..." sort of perspective. The thing is, your boyfriend deserves somebody who won't always be looking over her shoulder wondering if there is something better. So, if you don't feel like you can give him that, then you need to move on.

To be honest, I would personally recommend you not enter into a relationship with the other guy either way. If you can realize the mistake you are making and truly committ to your boyfriend, then you need to forget this other guy. If you don't feel you can fairly stay with your boyfriend, then I would suggest you still need time to yourself to evaluate what you truly want in a partner. Otherwise, you can drive yourself crazy and sabotage your own chances of ever having a happy life by constantly wondering if there is somebody better waiting for you. You will miss out on the good you could have had. Good luck. I hope you figure this all out and find your own happiness.

[michelle23]

Ive been with my bf 5years and not once have i ever even considered cheating. To me its dispicable. I dont have any close male friends coz i dont like the thought of someone pretending to be my friend whilst trying to worm their way in, in the hope my relationship will fail.. and also i dont want to put myself in a vulnerable position where i may wonder is the grass greener.

I love my man, he ticks all the boxes for me and id never hurt him in any way.

But i believe some people have it in their nature to cheat. I mean ive been in an unhappy relationship before but never thought of cheating. I just wanted to dump him. I never lined up a plan B etc.. i still feel that people who do that have issues

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[michelle23]

Eviljester: your emotionally/mentally healthy which is why you dont ever feel tempted to cheat. Im the same as you.. id never hurt someone in this way. Its better to leave, be alone for awhile, then start again.

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[TheEvilJester]

Eviljester: your emotionally/mentally healthy which is why you dont ever feel tempted to cheat. Im the same as you.. id never hurt someone in this way. Its better to leave, be alone for awhile, then start again.

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Thank you, Michelle. I'm not so sure about my emotional/mental health, but it means a lot to me that you would say that. ;-) Though, one good thing I can say for myself is that I am very happy that I am like that. Even if I am in the minority and I am weird for it, that is one thing I would NEVER change about myself. I couldn't ever live with myself if I did something like that to somebody. I am not even capable of thinking of somebody else in that way when I am in a relationship. If I ever get to the point where I am in a relationship I no longer want to be in, I get out of it first before I even think of getting into another.

Heck, I can't see how somebody could go from one relationship straight into another. You don't give yourself any time to heal and reflect, both on yourself and on the relationship. After going through something like that, you need time to think about what maybe you did wrong, or what the other person did wrong. Think about what didn't go well with the relationship and what did. You need to sort of re-evaluate what you want out of life and how to better find that in a new relationship. Otherwise, you are doomed to just make the same mistakes again.

[michelle23]

Exactly and that attitude/mentality proves youve got your head screwed on and you will get everything you want in love one day.

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[TheEvilJester]

Thank you. It is hard to believe that sometimes. But I certainly hope you are right. :-) I sort of have a bit of a double-standard against my own self. What do I mean by that? One example: I truly, fully believe in my heart 100% that everybody in the world will find true love at some point if it is what they want....

Except for me. I'm my own worst enemy, I suppose. More of that lack of self-esteem thing talking, I guess. Though, I have come a long way in improving that over recent years. So, hopefully some day fate will prove me wrong about myself. I still haven't given up hope, even if I don't personally believe it will ever happen.

[michelle23]

Just keep working on it. I used to suffer with low self esteem. I criticized myself a lot and never felt good enough-probably coz id a hard time growing up. Never had a great relationship with my parents when i was younger etc.. but im really confident now. I dont really know how i became this way. I worked hard in college, at work etc, have some amazing friends, have managed to build a better relationship with family over the years, have an amazing bf and i just started to see myself through other peoples eyes and instead of focusing on my weaknesses, i focus on my strenghts and improving those weaknesses ive also learned to appreciate my beauty. For some reason i used to think i was unattractive and thought people were up to something when they called me pretty lol. I was suspicious coz i really didnt believe it. I kinda suffered with a fat phobia and even though i weight like 100lbs back then i thought i was fat... weird... anyway now i love what i see when i look in the mirror. Again dont know how that happened. Maybe its just a part of growing up and learning to love yourself for who you are. Youll get there

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[TablesandChairs]

In life, you'll meet plenty of people you're attracted to and get along with...but if you entertain all of those options, you'll end up alone. There will always be someone else. And while your head is always thinking 'what if', you'll be a crap partner. You're not investing all you can in the relationship because you're too busy wondering if you can do better.

The grass isn't always greener...it may just look that way because your manager isn't someone you live with; you don't know his habits, his faults...but perhaps, if you're thinking along the lines of 'I'm in love with both'...maybe you're not actually in love with either and you're simply not ready to commit.

You shouldn't be with your partner just because he makes you feel secure and all that jazz...that's using someone. You should be with him because he's the guy you want to the exclusion of all other men. If you're not ready for that, move on.

[TheEvilJester]

Michelle,

Thank you again. It is always nice to hear from others like me who have dealt with some of the same shyness and low self-esteem issues I have in my life. I have come a long way, but it still helps to gain encouragement from those who have also overcome their own hurdles.

I also have to say that I fully agree with TablesandChairs here. Honestly, you can't help if you find somebody attractive. You don't suddenly cease to be human around anybody other than your significant other when you are in a relationship. So, you will still see people you find attractive. Nothing wrong with that. But, it should never be anything beyond just that. Your significant other should be your one and only so long as you are still in a relationship. As Tables says, if you are just constantly seeing people you find attractive and wondering "what if..." you will never be happy in any relationship. Your significant other should become only more attractive to you the closer you become. Too many people mistake the end of the honeymoon period to mean that the relationship is ending, or is no longer exciting. No relationship can be new and exciting forever. But, that is when a relationship can actually be so much better. That is when you are past all the exciting newness of the relationship, and if the relationship can still last, it has a chance to become something real. I would take that any day over the excitement of the next new big thing.