Need Help with a Complicated Situation

**adsbob** · 01-12-13, 09:43 AM

Hi kind helpers, my friends live in an off campus house at school. There are 6 guys and 1 girl. I met the girl through the guys since I knew them first. Throughout the semester, I have grown to really like this girl. There have been signs between us that make me think we are perfect together. I want her to be my girlfriend but there are a few obstacles in the way. First, she is currently into girls…not guys. Second, of her 6 housemates, at least 4 of them like her too and all keep it secret (however I do not believe they like her in the way I like her). Lastly, she wants me to help her with advice about her housemates because she does not want anyone to get hurt, but I would be helping as a friend. So I have no clue what to do. I think there could be a way for her to want to be with me too if we see each other everyday and talk about her situation. But if that does not work, then I am going to be the one who gets hurt. But then what if I do connect with her and we start a relationship? Then her housemates who like her will most likely no longer like me. Someone please help me evaluate this situation. It has been twisting me around and making me confused. Do I just stop all pursuance so I have nothing to risk? Thank you in advance.

**sajib** · 01-12-13, 10:06 AM

The huge problem is that she is into girls but being a good friend can make her to develop feelings for you, what I see here is that you stand a chance of getting her more than those other guys, what you have to do is to be a good friend but first put your feelings on hold because if rash and revile them then there will not be a difference between you and those other guys.

**michelle23** · 01-12-13, 10:10 AM

Currently into girls? Thats not temporary. Shes a lesbian. Shes never gonna want you. Stop being her friend. Your never gonna get what you want with her and your just wasting your time. You wont get over her as long as you keep her around..

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**adsbob** · 01-12-13, 10:27 AM

Originally Posted by michelle23

Currently into girls? Thats not temporary. Shes a lesbian. Shes never gonna want you. Stop being her friend. Your never gonna get what you want with her and your just wasting your time. You wont get over her as long as you keep her around..

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She used to be into guys, now she is into girls. She considers herself bisexual. I think if she was pushed away from guys because all she dated or knew were douche bags, i could change that cause I am not one.

**adsbob** · 01-12-13, 10:33 AM

Originally Posted by sajib

The huge problem is that she is into girls but being a good friend can make her to develop feelings for you, what I see here is that you stand a chance of getting her more than those other guys, what you have to do is to be a good friend but first put your feelings on hold because if rash and revile them then there will not be a difference between you and those other guys.

I agree that being rash would not be good but I disagree that I would be like the other guys. The other guys are keeping it a secret even though its very obvious to me and a little obvious to her. What if I do just be a close friend of hers for a while? Either two things will happen after I eventually tell her how I feel. One, she will feel the same and my life gets a hell of a lot better. Or two, she does not feel the same and not only may it be awkward between us, and every time I hang out with my friends at her house, but I will have wasted time; but more importantly I will have invested more and more emotions into wanting her and will be even more hurt.

**adsbob** · 01-12-13, 12:55 PM

More advice would be appreciated

**smackie9** · 01-12-13, 02:05 PM

Ask her out on a date simple as that....she will either A accept or B say no she only dates girls.

**smackie9** · 01-12-13, 02:17 PM

.....BTW how ignorant of you to think that being mistreated by guys turns a girl to like women instead.......so you think "I'm a nice guy, not like those others jerks she's dated before, she probably would want to date me." That's pretty stupid. That is not how it works. She likes women because she finds then more sexually attractive.....case closed.

**adsbob** · 02-12-13, 11:32 AM

Well…u seem to not only be personally offended at what I said but u also are acting like u know this situation better than i do. You MAY be 100% right but that does not mean 'case closed'

**smackie9** · 02-12-13, 03:16 PM

I'm not offended at all, you are just clueless. I have family, friends and co workers that are gay, lesbian and bi, so ya I do have a better grasp on the situation. But carry on with your plans, no one is stopping you. Best of luck.

**michelle23** · 02-12-13, 04:40 PM

I think you need to wake up here and realize shes gay.. maybe she just figured it out recently but she is. Lots of gay women have had bfs, husbands, kids in the past. Sometimes it can taje time for her to admit it to herself. The fact she was with men before means nothing.

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