Deffo need male advice on this....

[heartbroken88]

so me and my boyfriend have been together for about 14 months, he is from London and im from Manchester.. we met on holiday had a fling and he moved here to be with me.. We have been happily loved up for over a year.. saving for our own house.. we visited his family once..I gave him the option to go more but he wasn't interested.. over the last week or so we have hada few silly arguments and 3 days ago he ended it and said its all got a bit much and hes moving back to London as he misses his family.. completely out of the blue.. he said it bin on his mind a few weeks.. he also said hes not happy and he had just been doing everything i want to make me happy... i thought we were so happy and looking to our future together! Im completely destroyed.. he said its so hard cos he still really loves me. I just cant get my head round why mive all the way back there? I suggested stop saving and spend our savings visiting his family more often, he said for now he just wants to be with his friends and family.. im in such a mess.. were still texting saying i love you.. he also said "if its a mistake and you will take me back i promise i will come back" he says its just something he needs to do? My friends think hes got a bit scared and is going home just to realise what he wants.. i just dont know what to think.. really need opinions? We have had a massive chat and its made me realise what i want in life and its just to be happy with him.. he agrees he said hes swaying more towards coming back 65/35% but he just needs to go and see.. he left for home Friday and i dont know the best next step.. he wants to stay in contact.. i just want him back.. but i know i need to give him time.. he has asked me to wait for him and i really want to.. i love him... HELP...

[michelle23]

You need to have no contact. IF hes telling you the truth and thats a big IF- then he needs time and space to miss you. Tell him youd rather not stay in contact right now, you dont believe its a good idea and since hes already gone you want to protect yourself from any more pain or false hope. Tell him not to contact you UNLESS he wants to talk about coming back to work this out and IF hes left you for someone else or to get laid or to explore other options then dont bother coming back at all.

People never tell the truth when they leave. He said that to spare your feelings and right now he is just filling you up on sweet words and empty promises. He wouldnt have left if he really loved you and really wanted a future.

You need to be strong now and look after you. He could easily dangle you on a string like a puppet for months if you let him. You need to take the decision out of his hands. Take control. Dont be a doormat and sit by the phone begging or crying. Dont be all emotional telling him you love him. Thats the biggest mistake people in this situation make. Its unattractive and gives him all the power coz if he thinks your there waiting around forever and will do anything to get him back-hell drag this out for ages.
You need to do the opposite of everything your heart/head is telling you to do right now. Your in denial, clinging to him and being needy which will only push him away further. Instead be strong, assertive, distant, aloof, dont answer if he calls and text him back 5 hours later saying "oh was with the girls, trying to get on with things, leave me alone unless your coming back coz i dont wana talk about anything else-theres nothing to say"

If he thinks your moving on, your dealing with it, your fine, you dont need him and your not gonna beg-hes more likely to hop on a train then all the tears in the world. You need to act like its really over

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[michelle23]

Also ill just add it happened too fast. You didnt even no each other when you started living together. He gave up everything to be with you which was stupid. Now the honeymoon period has ended, the novelty has worn off and he misses his old life, his home, family, friends.. it was never going to last forever coz he sacrificed too much which was his own fault btw.

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[heartbroken88]

Thank u.. i know this is going to sound really silly but heres what i think... im scared if theres no contact he will forget me not miss me, im not stupid and i know he may not come back but i only text if he messages me 1st and its nothing to do with us, just general chit chat, i thought that if i could make him see i can carry on and not look bothered, it would make him see?

[michelle23]

No thats ridiculous. Hell never forget you. Ever hear the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" seriously i ignored all my exes completely and they always came back even though i didnt want them to and then had to go through the whole stupid ordeal again coz they wernt getting the message. But no contact is best.

1. If he doesnt ever come back at least you are withdrawing slowly now and getting used to life without him so you can heal in piece

2. It gives him a chance to see what his life is like without you and he may realize hes made a mistake.

If your still in contact (even just random texts) neither of you are really experiencing what life is truly like without the other.

If there is any chance of getting him back he will realize it on his own without any help from you and waiting by the phone for him just lets him know he can take all the time in the world, your patiently waiting so take your time darling. Ill still be here in 6months.. thats not a good message to send out to him. The right message would be "i wait for noone" then hes like "oh shit, shes sick of this and im gonna lose her for good if i dont hurry up"

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[Wakeup]

I'll just say that if ex's are "coming back" then whomever they've left isn't giving them a clear message that it's over. If you close a door, it normally stays closed.

Check those doors for openings, people.

As for your actually opening post... This is a duplicate and I've answered in your other thread.

[michelle23]

I dont agree with letting exes back either but OP just needs to keep her dignity and self respect right now. No begging, crying or i love you's.. thats a good start. Baby steps

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