So I have 2 situations going on that has me so confused...

[cocoabeauty]

So a little background, I've been with my husband for over 10 years now (married 5). He is a habitual cheater and went to prison for a couple of years. Of course I stayed through it and that is where we got married. During that time, I started seeing another guy who also ended up in prison and I chose to be there for him. Although our relationship was sexual, feelings started developing. Well when it was time for my husband to come home, I asked the other guy what he intended to do but he never said. So of course I stayed with my husband but wanted to be with him. He contacted me once he got out but I had moved to another city with my husband but still want to be with him so we've always kept in touch vaguely. So fast forward, recently my husband cheated. His excuse: we were arguing, I told him to get out and he needed to make sure he had somewhere to stay. Since then we don't talk about it, he refuses to acknowledge it, and wont honor any of my request. As a matter of fact he thinks everything is okay and it's not. I am not sure to stick it out and just bottle my emotions or have faith that this was the last time. On the other hand, I still want my boo, but my boo acts really weird and I don't know how to read it. For instance, over the holiday we discussed me moving on and him coming here. We talked briefly about it. All he says is that he is ready when I am. I asked that we speak more to make sure that this thing is going to work because there are kids are involved. Well we don't. I came into town for the holidays with the expectation that I was going to spend time with my boo. Yes, I did go with my husband but I did not intend on being with him. Well, I texted him one day and he said he had things to do but would get with me later. Come to find out he was making arrangements with a cousin to bring me to him. That didn't work out and he was doing the same thing the next day. But he didn't really text me. I found it weird and it made me mad that they were making plans for me without talking to me. So before I left, I told him that and his only response was, "are you gone" and then "damn". Well yesterday, I finally texted him how I felt which was basically my fear of being hurt and rejected but that I knew I could make him happy. I don't know how to take him, or my husband. And I don't know rather either one of them really want me or even care.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I'm gonna go with neither of them really cares.

[Dr-Love]

this is complicated. the fact that you're married is bad but the fact that both men has been to prison is worse.you're married (and said kids are involved) but you're thinking about moving in with another guy but you never stated whether you were ending it with your husband. and what happens when the husband find out? idk what they went to jail for some im just going to assume the worse. the outside man doesnt seem to care from what i can tell and neither does the husband or he does but just lack self control..my advice: Evaluate both relationships and consider the children involved...also(if the kids are yours) you need to find out more about the 2nd man and not just show up at his house with suitcases and kids..you need too CAREFULLY and THOUGHTFULLY think about what you're going to do but i suggest you dont move in with this 2nd guy

[Rowen]

Dump both of them and get on with your life. If I were you, I would focus on myself for the time being until I could find it within myself to trust a guy again and be with someone. Neither of these men will give you what you want. The one will only cheat on you, making you cheat on him, and the other will only try to control you. Do you really want to be someone's little toy to play with and be pulled in all sorts of directions, or do you want to put your big girl pants on and stand on your own two feet?

[Boisdevie]

you need too CAREFULLY and THOUGHTFULLY think about what you're going to do

Given this gals track record with choosing Mister Wrong the assumption that the OP is capable of rational thought is a bit optimistic I'd have thought.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Given this gals track record with choosing Mister Wrong the assumption that the OP is capable of rational thought is a bit optimistic I'd have thought.

Yeah. Back to back convicts? She's either trailer trash or a hoodrat. Either way, critical thinking will be severely diminished.

[Starnique]

Why she gotta be all that? Because We both know she's not trailer trash.

Why you seeing these guys thats in and out of prison? (You didnt say they were in and out but..I know how that goes) It really doesnt seem like neither one of them care. Neither one of them seem like a winner so I would say that you get your so called husband out your house (no such as thing as he wont leave. Is his name on the lease?) What's the issues with that? I really think you should focus on yourself and figure out why you are attracted to these type of men. Get a boo that's going to make you his true boo too.

Another thing I noticed about guys that do prison time is MOST of the time, they always have more then one chic waiting on them. They keep plenty of girls or at least two because they get plenty of letters, money on their books and plenty of phone calls. They make all these promises and when they get out you find out you were getting played/used the whole f ucking time. Even if its one chic, they seeing while their locked up sometimes, they do have good intentions but when they get out of them walls and see pussy everywhere, they all of a sudden need time to "Get their money up and get their shit together".

Move on.

[Valixy]

It sounds as if you've never really forgiven your husband for being unfaithful and thought that this gave you the right to marry him but start seeing another guy in the same time. Then you started a new life with your husband but only because the other one wasn't taking a decision about you two. You kept in contact with you lover and you kept longing for him but you were hurt when your husband cheated on you again and demanded explanations. What you seem to be missing here is the fact that you have emotionally cheated on your husband (and also cheated on him physically in the past) and most probably this played a big part in him straying again. It's a shame that you've never really given a second chance to your marriage because of a guy who in the end sets dates with you but avoids you when you go in town, imo.

Maybe this other guy isn't ready for a big move since children are involved too or maybe he just doesn't care as much as he says. Anyway, you need to revise your own concept of fidelity, assume responsibility for the confusion your own weaknesses brought in the relationship with your husband and in your children's life and decide for something that puts your interests and your children's first. Your husband, your boo or anyone else and even your passions are secondary to the responsibility you have to offer your children some clarity, stability and coherency in life through your own example.

[cocoabeauty]

this is complicated. the fact that you're married is bad but the fact that both men has been to prison is worse.you're married (and said kids are involved) but you're thinking about moving in with another guy but you never stated whether you were ending it with your husband. and what happens when the husband find out? idk what they went to jail for some im just going to assume the worse. the outside man doesnt seem to care from what i can tell and neither does the husband or he does but just lack self control..my advice: Evaluate both relationships and consider the children involved...also(if the kids are yours) you need to find out more about the 2nd man and not just show up at his house with suitcases and kids..you need too CAREFULLY and THOUGHTFULLY think about what you're going to do but i suggest you dont move in with this 2nd guy

Well my husband only went for his license. Florida is retarded but yes they waste tax payers money for that. I did ask the other guy to work on the relationship before the kids got involved. And yes of course my husband would not be in the picture besides the kids if we chose that thought. Thank you for the advice.

[cocoabeauty]

Yeah. Back to back convicts? She's either trailer trash or a hoodrat. Either way, critical thinking will be severely diminished.

if you are going to be negative about it, why comment? i am neither, i actually have a college degree and a good job and do not stay in either trailer or the hood. My children also go to private schools. So for your information, my husband went for driving on a suspended license. I chose to stay with him, because he chose to make sure he got back and forth to work at a legitimate job to provide for his family. And not use his situation as an excuse. Not everyone that goes to prison is a criminal.

[cocoabeauty]

Thank you for a rational opinion. You are right I havent forgiven and I have done my own dirt. But I know my "boo" wasnt cancelling, it just didnt work out bc he was making plans with his cousin for me. So in other words he wanted to see me but he would talk to his cousin about it. And he has children as well so I am thinking about the kids. I only cheated on my husband bc it was really hard to leave him and I was looking for a savior. I know it doesnt make sense but I was. My husband claimed the last time he cheated was bc of our argument that lead to me telling him to get out. he claims he thought I was serious and actually was making sure he had somewhere to stay. That doesnt make sense either but it's his only excuse. It's all a mess and my husband makes it hard for me to leave him. And frankly I am scared to be alone.

[cocoabeauty]

Thank you.

[michelle23]

Lol cant really help people like you im afraid. Your husband is a serial cheat and instead of leaving him-you line up another dude just as bad as him.. song comes to mind "me and my heart we got issues" have fun with all your dysfunction and your diseased husband...

On the off chance you may actually listen to some advice" divorce your husband, dump your bit on the side and get some therapy. You desperately need to boost your self esteem coz only deeply insecure people would put up with this..

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[Starnique]

if you are going to be negative about it, why comment? i am neither, i actually have a college degree and a good job and do not stay in either trailer or the hood. My children also go to private schools. So for your information, my husband went for driving on a suspended license. I chose to stay with him, because he chose to make sure he got back and forth to work at a legitimate job to provide for his family. And not use his situation as an excuse. Not everyone that goes to prison is a criminal.

Cocoa

I for one know that everyone that goes to prison or have a criminal record is not bad. Shit happens and people change. As long as it's not nothing crazy or evil and pervert type. Sometimes charges sound worst then they are. I'm not trying to get in your business but I never known someone to go to prison over driving with a suspended license. I have got caught driving with a suspended license and I didn't even get arrested. I had a ticket that I didn't pay and they suspended my license. I.got a ticket and I had to pay that mess off to get my license back so that sounds crazy and it has to be more to the story. But that's your business and it's not about that.

Neither one of these guys are catches. Focus on being able to love yourself and be alone. If you can't be alone and manage on your own, what you gonna do with someone else? Get yourself together emotionally and then you can meet the right guy that will be good for you and your kids.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

if you are going to be negative about it, why comment? i am neither, i actually have a college degree and a good job and do not stay in either trailer or the hood. My children also go to private schools. So for your information, my husband went for driving on a suspended license. I chose to stay with him, because he chose to make sure he got back and forth to work at a legitimate job to provide for his family. And not use his situation as an excuse. Not everyone that goes to prison is a criminal.

It's a wholly negative situation, so I don't can't really think of anything positive to say about you or anyone involved. That's not my fault, and doesn't invalidate my feelings.

I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, by saying you had to be these things...now it appears you're just an idiot. Yes, idiots can get college degrees and jobs; I work with them everyday. Lemme guess, Psych? Communications? Early childhood studies?

How many times was he caught driving on a suspended license? As someone who has been to jail for it, I know they don't send you to prison the first time. Everyone who goes to prison and is guilty of their crime, is a criminal. You commit a crime, you're a criminal. It's that simple. I have no problem admitting that I am one. I agree with Starnique, that doesn't make one a bad person, but people who have their shit together don't go to jail/prison..they just don't. Take it from someone who's been a few times.

These guys' treatment of you speaks much more than their criminal records. At this point, you're just a blind fool.