Should I contact again this friend I had mutual feelings for and lost? Regrets:(

[chloe21]

It's a bit long but if you could give me your opinion on it i'd be very grateful !

So here is the story

This guy got interested in me right after we met, he chased me but i wasn't on a "dating" page yet although i found him very charming already. I needed time but was too stupid to tell him, instead i acted cold. I had no experience He never told me he had "feelings" at that point but he was around me all the time and asking me out and i was always either refusing or accepting but acting distant (or trying to make other people joing us I was scared hed make a move) . I know this is stupid but he made his interest to obvious and too soon for me, Im very shy and wasnt ready at all to flirt with him. Thing is, I was falling for him already He started ignoring me a bit but we eventually talked again to each other and became friends.

There were still clearly flirty/sweet-romantic things in his behavior towards me and my feelings grew a lot as i was getting to know him better & better but none of us straightforwardly "tried" anything concrete or spoke up. I stopped acting as cold : i wasn't refusing anymore things he'd suggest, we spent more time together etc, and I tried to spend time with him (to initiate), but he never had really direct/clear gestures more like flirty/ambiguous behavior or words, like trying to touch me, brushing my hand a bit, or my feet under the table, complimenting me, joking about dating, that kind of things ... i know you must be thinking it was enough and i should have done something about it but i simply didn't know how. He was hot & cold and I was scared of being rejected and ruining the nice friendship we were bit by bit building. I never dared either telling him how i felt.

I moved to the other side of the country almost a year after, so we had a "talk" right before where i asked him if he had liked me and why his behavior had seemed ambiguous towards me... I needed to know and to let him know how I felt cause I felt like I had screwed up big time by being so chicken. Sounds clumsy i know, i needed to clear my mind and to get it off my chest. He admitted his feelings, i confessed i had liked him and he said he had the same, but i think he seemed annoyed by me forcing him to speak up like this, or by me doing it so late... I could feel he didnt want to go into the topic, he was embarrassed, so was I.
After that, he got a bit more distant even though he still seemed to care about me. Things got weird & complicated cause we were both a bit on the "defensive" with each other, sometimes a bit susceptible or disagreeable, really just slightly, but it had never been there before at all. Me cause i was hurt by the fact that he was acting distant (I know it was too late to start anything but I think somehow I was hoping hed make a move or at least keep on behaving normal with me), him for whatever reason he had. He did on top of that one or two really jerky/hurtful things towards me after i had left and didn't bother facing it when i tried to confront him with the fact that it was kind of lame (he is kind of immature), he ignored me, simply. I ended up cutting him off, i deleted him from fb to preserve myself (was hurt by his behavior + didn't want to follow his entire life on facebook, future girl friends included, he wasn't really talking to me anymore anyways, we were obviously in a weird & unexpected cold).

Anyways, it has been almost over a year now... i saw him only once again since then when i came back to my hometown to visit my grandma: i ran into him at the mall, he acted strange... i had interpreted his "jerky-cowardly" behavior after i had left as disregard, but it didn't seem like it. I must admit i avoided him a bit at first cause i was afraid of his reaction, I didnt want to be hurt by him ignoring me. But on the contrary, he looked a bit shy and vulnerable, he looked a bit thrilled and afraid at the same time when he realized I was there. He looked like a little boy, he was trying to catch my eyes a bit (he had a puppy look in his eyes, he looked shy, while I had always known him funny, sarcastic, more confident) but was avoidant at the same time, he seemed honestly stressed out. We finally ended up facing each other. He talked to me, he looked even more emotional and shy than me. He seemed a bit disappointed when i said i was just staying a few more hours (had to catch my plane to go back later that evening). We didn't talk long at all, we were both in a rush (he had important an appointment), and he didn't suggest to catch up and hasn't contacted me again since then either.

I don't think I still have feelings for him but i regret having lost a friend... do you think i could contact him again, ask how he is doing, or does it look like i should just forget about it cause he probably doesn't care... (he could have contacted me too after all... he knows he did jerky things and that ignoring me when i was trying to tell him his behavior was a bit lame made it even worse). I know dont if he hasnt tried to contact me cause I had cut him off because of his stupid behavior towards me, or because he simply doesnt care at all and doesnt want to.
Guys, if you'd have had liked a girl and been good friend with her for a year and you had so brutally cut contact with one another with no proper explanation, would be likely to talk to her again or do you rather just delete girls easily from your mind once they've "disappeared" from your life ?
I just regret how things went, he was a nice person and we connected well even on a friendly page, i'd just like us to be in good terms again and try to talk again a bit from time to time. I miss how we got along. I'm not at peace with it: is there any chance he might feel the same ?

Sorry for all the details... thank you sooo so much if you bothered reading all of this... and thanks in advance for your help !

[Skeptical]

Can you summarize in bullet points?

[smackie9]

All along he wanted more than friendship, but you messed with his head too much so you burned that bridge, plus you now live on the other side of the country, there is no point. He doesn't see any purpose in being friends with you, he's got enough friends, he doesn't want to be your emotional lacky no guy does, not when they had feelings for you. It would be best to let it go.

[Archie]

I completely agree with smackie9.

As someone who has been in similar shoes, what the guy feels now is, indeed, regret. He still has feelings for you, there is no doubt, but at this point he will never express those feelings towards you. Those feelings will stay with him for the rest of his life until he forgets about them, but that doesn't mean he won't be able to move on, he will.
You hurt him so he hurt you, but you ended up being the immature one for not resolving the issue and cutting ties like normal people do, by confronting the problem. Instead you ran away from him (by ignoring him, blocking him on fb (not saying that you should have kept contact)). Don't contact him, don't hurt him anymore, otherwise you'll end up hurting yourself just as well. What you have between the two of you is a chasm filled with sharp spikes and if you try something, one of you is going to fall in. Let him be by himself and live his life and you live yours. You're not friends anymore. So get over it and move forward.

[PatriciaQT]

judging by the volume of text you just blasted in to the world i can only conclude that you need to reach out to this person right now!
You damn near wrote an essay!