Would you ever want to see your ex who dissapeared on you when everything was good???

[joannabegood]

I need to ask you guys this, I'll be short, hopefully!

What if your ex girlfriend from couple of years ago just sent you a facebook request and you immediately contacted her and asked her out?
What if that girl was some chick who dumped you over a text and never talked to you again or even said hi once you met randomly? No one cheated on anbody, I was just too young 19 years old and I disapeared from this guy, eventhought everything was going really well. He wanted to stay in touch once in a while for the next year or two since I left him, but I ignored him, thought it was the best.

So if someone was so mean to you, well I can't say mean, but such immature person who just vanished from the face of the earth one day when everything was perfect, why would you ask her out after all these years on a date? Nobody does that, right?
I want to ask you why would someone do this? Love??? Was I that girl, who some guys never get over?
A friend who I haven't seen for months ask me whats going on in my life? I told her thisn story and that I'm dating my ex, casualy. Her reply was:" OMG, OMG, he must really love you and he must be really crazy about you all these years!!! This is so great, when you hurt someone's ego so much, no one would want to see you unless he never got over you and loves you!!!!"

We date again, I never stopped caring for him, actually I am crazy about him, I think its mutual.
So, you ask probably what is the problem, why am I posting this? Well, the problem is that this guy told me he doesn't want serious relationship right now in general! I told him no to that, because I said I liked him and that I'll get hurt. I almost blew him off after those 4 dates (we didn't have sex by our 5th date, I mean we never did it and we were in a relationship for couple of months when we were kids)
But silly me I thought about it, so when he contacted me after our talk, I went for it We had sex, it was great! I thought this was going to be just sexual relatinship or whatever, I could handle that, but I can't handle this right now, because he is acting strange, I never initiated any of these situations I'll write below, I'm playing it cool (and I'm not cool, Its hard to act calmed, when I really like him more then a friend)

Here are the things:

He is the one who initiates stuff all the time, all the stuff. I lay back and wait for him to text me, ask me out to hang out or whatever. I think I might be a bit cold with him when we comunicate virtually or whatever, but I don't want to rush things, its hard to play it cool and showing I'm interested into him at the same time, but I manage it. I just don't wanna bother him with boring texts, I'm not that kind of a girl.

When we have sex, we spend time after it couple of hours more then we should and we talk about everything

He is telling me stuff about himself all the time, stuff you just don't share with everybody, personal things
We talk everyday, he always asks me how I am, what am I doing or whatever.

He shares always infos like where is he going, what is he doing with who and I never ask him anything about this stuff, I don't care much (I mean I do, but we are not in a relationship he doesn't need to tell me all those stuff)

He never wants to talk about sex, when I tell him some joke or initiate talk about sex in a fun way out of nowhere, he replies, but he immediately backs off, so I stop! I mean since we are doing it and hooking up for doing it, why on earth you don't want to discuss it.

Last time I saw him, when we talked about everything, even our exes (he initiated this subject spontaneously, not me) he told me stuff about a few girls who just were hitting on him, who were wild or whatever, who made a first move on him. He didn't say he didn't like that, well since he was with some of them, but the thing is that he said that he doesn't want to be with some wild chick that he wants someone who is a bit more normal, not wild or some controll freaks. Well, I'm that kind of a girl, normal one. I didn't comment much that, basiclly I didn't say anything at all, I was just listening.
But from the guy who told me who will never settle down with someone, after this talk he suddenly said that he wants normal person to be with, but not yet.
I am bloody confused with him, really confused. I'm just mostly replying to him when we text, make some funny jokes, listen to him, don't comment much, I'm hot and cold on moments and I'm scared to let go and show him my emotions and go for this guy. I don't know how to act around him or what to do. I thought we were just having sex, not haning out or become BFFs.
I like him a lot, I don't know if I should be all nice, warm, charming all the time and just let it go, initiate things first, ask him out to hang out and do something else then to have sex, I mean we started going on a dates in public all the time. Last few times I was at his house.
Opinions? What does he want from me? I'm not sure that he is using me just for sex, because he is not acting like he does, since I'm not showing all my emotions, he doesn't know I'm that crazy or into him, so he could act cold as me, instead he is not, he is really caring, apologising always and stuff.

[smackie9]

It's obvious you have to tell him how you feel and would like to take this to the next level and make it a serious relationship. If he says no he is just wanting to keep his options open simple as that. I can't tell you what the hell he wants, only he can answer that.

[joannabegood]

Well I sure am gonna talk to him about it, but its a bit too soon right now!

The thing why I dont understand him is because he said to me since the beggining like he is not a guy who wants to get married like ever or to have family or to settle down. He shocked me with his statements out of the nowhere! I seriously felt like i was in a 7 year relationship forcing someone to marry me, lol. But I didnt say anything, I went just for some sexual thing. And now he is giving me strange signals like saying me indirectly how he wants to have something commited with me but not yet.

I know we both rushed into this. Its not easy when someone you really liked comes back. You get confused. But the thing is he said what he said on our 2nd date. And he is acting on monents like we are in some relationship by talking to me everyday or apologising or saying what he did, with who, where is going and stuff.

I dont know how to act with him, should I keep to balance my emotions or just let go thats all the advices I want from this post.
I mean its like this. I want to see him, I want to ask him out because I miss him. But on the other hand I am scared of doing this because I want him to earn my trust by initiating things first, talking to me, asking me out and so on.

Let me be simple. Should I text him 'Hey, wanna hangnout somewhere? Miss you! Kiss' well we talked yesterday we were suposed to meet but he had a iob to do right now.
My point is that I am emotionally handicapped to text him something like that. Instead I'd just text him 'are you free tonight' and thats cold.

[smackie9]

Listen....communication is the only way to get this out in the open...being different around him isn't going to flush him out.

[Wakeup]

Seriously... My first question would have been: Holy shit... wtf are you up to now?

(If I even answered) Unlikely I would even answer since I obviously disappeared for a reason. I tend to leave people I've disappeared on, gone. It's served me well.

You don't even know who he is now nor does he know who you've become. Don't let your emotions (based on words without actions) get the better of you.

[Wakeup]

Her reply was:" OMG, OMG, he must really love you and he must be really crazy about you all these years!!! This is so great, when you hurt someone's ego so much, no one would want to see you unless he never got over you and loves you!!!!"

How naive can one person be?

So, you ask probably what is the problem, why am I posting this? Well, the problem is that this guy told me he doesn't want serious relationship right now in general! I told him no to that, because I said I liked him and that I'll get hurt. I almost blew him off after those 4 dates (we didn't have sex by our 5th date, I mean we never did it and we were in a relationship for couple of months when we were kids)
But silly me I thought about it, so when he contacted me after our talk, I went for it We had sex,

and now you're all confused and he's still not committed to you. JHC. and WTF... Why do you women do this to yourselves. He's told you he doesn't want a serious relationship. Whats there to talk about? You have your answer as to what he wants from you.. Sex without commitment.

Either stop seeing him altogether if he won't give you something committed and real (this entails you acrtually coming right out and asking for what you want for him to be able to give it to you or not) or; say nothing and continue on in your confusion as you bop away and get more and more emotionally involved while he keeps dating (and doing both you and anyone else that will have him) others until he finds one that he DOES want a serious relationship with.

I'm playing it cool (and I'm not cool, Its hard to act calmed, when I really like him more then a friend)

exactly the type of chick a guy wants who isn't wanting a committment. Keep it coming and be cool about it. lmao.

[smackie9]

Well I sure am gonna talk to him about it, but its a bit too soon right now!

You are having regular sex with him.....it's not a bit TOO SOON!

[Wakeup]

And now he is giving me strange signals like saying me indirectly how he wants to have something commited with me but not yet.

He never said he wanted anything committed with you but not yet, what he said is that he wants something in the future with someone who is normal. That may or may not be you. Don't start hearing what you want to hear when what you should be concentrating on and getting clarified by actually talking to him is if he's changed his mind about wanting something serious WITH YOU.

[joannabegood]

You are right. Those "he is just not that into you" book rules don't imply here, because he is into me, he is different from all those bastards I dated!

I need to talk to him, because no one knows what is he up to, it's just that he is confusing. I still don't understand his urge to contact me every day or every other day by telling me what he is doing and or where is he going and with who.

He might have sex with me, and I might have every right to ask/talk to him, but this situation is different, he is not some random dude with who I've hooked up with a month ago! He is someone that I was in a serious relationship with, someone whose heart was broken for a quite long time, since he wanted to talk to me for 2 years after it. And nowdays I'm being a bit distant and cold again, this dude is probably having PTSD, idk. I would, thats why if I were him, I'd never asked myself to go on a date with myself, ever again. He needs some time and I won't freak out and end it once again or disapear because he told me on a 2nd date that he doesn't want to setlle down or get married. And why would someone rush into something with someone like me in the first place? I also said things like how I like him and that I will probably fall in love with him, but words don't mean anything. Why would he trust me?
If he likes me and he is just faking all of this and lying to me, I'm a real idiot, but what can I loose if I'll chase him for a change? I guess nothing!
If he is using me for sex, well it will be on his conscious, not mine, because he will be a bastard, not me!

I will wait untill january 2014, lol! But then, we will have a conversation. Untill our talk, I will definetly be more initiative and more sensible. To test his reactions. You are right about changing my aproach to this and being more open, it won't change anything, but as I said, I want to test him first. It's not playing games, I'll just be more of myself and let go

For now, I will give him some time when all these holidays pass. But then I will talk to him

[michelle23]

Uh! Y dont you people ever listen to what you are being told. Y do you stick your head in the clouds and ignore clear messages "im not looking for something serious right now" means "i just want sex"..

You are being an idiot OP. This guy screwed you over and just disappeared without any warning... your not that girl he never got over-your that eaay girl he can use till something better comes along.

Tell him its all or nothing and mean it. If he says he wont commit-move on and stop being an idiot for him

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

[joannabegood]

I left this guy over a text and dissapeared on him. 6 years ago. And he was contacting me 2 years after that break up, i ignored his texts, calls, i didnt say hello to him, like ever pretending i dont know him!
He is not an idiot, I was an idiot. This situation is different, he is not some random dude who i met drunk at a club or being desperate throught some online dating site! I am not stupid or living in a clouds, I am just realistic. If I were him, I would not try anything after 6 years at all. I''d hate myself probably. And since i did what i did, he doesnt know me or anything. Its not a first time i had him on facebook. I had him like 4 years ago too and just stopped communicating and blocked him. I dissapeared 2 times He has balls to even ask me out or he is desperate and wanted to try?

Would you want to see some idiot who dissapeared on you one day when everything was so great in your relationship? Without a trace, no explanations, no nothing? I guess you wouldnt. Neiher would I after all it happened. But he would ask some chick who broke his heartu long time ago on a date. I mean to be honest, I was never some bimbo or easy girl. We didnt even have sex all 6 months while we were together!
He knows my best friend who respects me. If he wanted just to bang me, I am sure he thought that would be hard!

[Wakeup]

You are sense-less... however: You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

That goes for us who gave you advice that you were never going to listen to.
That goes for you too because you can play this anyway you think is going to lead you to what you want, but he aint going to drink.

He knows my best friend who respects me. If he wanted just to bang me, I am sure he thought that would be hard!

Frankly, it sounds like he's setting you up for a revenge fvck and he's about to taste the sweet necter of such.

[Starnique]

Dont even play with the idea of letting him back in. Disappearing acts are unacceptable and shady. I remember I was talking to this guy and he disappeared. It was so crazy. We were talking heavy and next thing I know, no calls or text back or anything and then when I called him, his phone was going straight to voicemail.......I'm really starting to think he got locked up. Hmmm.

Anyway, move on OP. Dont let him play you again.

[HeartIsAching]

Dont even play with the idea of letting him back in. Disappearing acts are unacceptable and shady. I remember I was talking to this guy and he disappeared. It was so crazy. We were talking heavy and next thing I know, no calls or text back or anything and then when I called him, his phone was going straight to voicemail.......I'm really starting to think he got locked up. Hmmm.

Anyway, move on OP. Dont let him play you again.

She did the disappearing act the first time.

[Starnique]

Oh yeah ok lmao. I skimmed because she was sort of rambling on at first. But yeah after reading, it does seem like he may be trying to get back at you. He doesn't seem that interested to me.