Dating someone "out of my league" appearence wise

[cuddler]

Okay, here goes...Let me start by saying I'm not over 6 foot, am not rich and all those superficial things that some girls go for. I'm "average Joe" dating an extremely attractive girl and who also has a brain. I'm someone say on those dating sites that was never approached cause they are based on looks. You can say I sell myself in person and have a good personality which contrary to popular belief works...

Anyways, I've only had like 6 relationships. I'm 35 and I don't wanna blow this one and see a future with her. We enjoy quality one on one time just in the house and don't feel the need to go out either which is great(especially on my wallet)--she has passed some huge tests for me where I'm almost trusting her 100%...I've been burned in previous relationships like anyone else...why, because nice guys usually end last and have hearts broken...

So as far as I know, she has not communicated over the phone in last 2 months with any other guy...yes, I checked her phone...so she is not foolin around with anyone else. We have verbally stated we only have eyes for each other and are officially gf/bf( I know that sounds teenager'ish)...here's my problem, when I ask her how her day went when I am not with her, she is always approached by other guys. For ex. I picked her up at a meeting and outside I see 3 guys talking to her outside smoking. She comes in car and I crack jokes like "how many of them gave you their number" or "what was the worst pick up line they said to you"...we both laugh but inside me is being over protective and yes that whole trust thing...

In public like say food shopping and she goes down one aisle to get say bread and I come back, there is always some guy it seems trying to spit game. It is what it is. It then feels good when the "player" sees me and I put my arm around her and give her a small kiss so I mark my territory and the guy knows he has no shot.

So in the back of my head I have this feeling like some rich tall dark handsome fellow will swoop in one day and she will ditch me....I guess I'll now if she REALLY loves me and this is all BS for now. Her mother even tells her, "marry a rich guy". I know this girl is sick of the games and wants to settle and have kids which I don't want yet until I have x amount in the bank to support them...

I'm sorry for the ramble but should I just not worry so much and go with the flow? Don;t get the impression of selling myself short or lack of confidence either in myself. It's almost as if I foresee things and plan for the worst so I'm not heart broken again even when things are going well which i want them to stay at

[RobertWQ]

With a girl like this, this is always going to happen. She's chosen to be with you over all these other options, and that should mean something. It doesn't guarantee the relationship in the future, but it does show that you have something that makes her stay with you over all the rest. At least take confidence in the fact that she probably gets 10 chances to get with a new guy each day and she always comes home to you.

[basilandthyme]

What's with all these double posts lately?

[cuddler]

sorry, i double posted cause I put in wrong thread initially and since judging by your other posts, you seem to be a hater and have deep rooted problems basil. Get some help and don't spend so much time on the net


Thanks Robert above

[basilandthyme]

I'm not hating. I think this fear of yours >> I constantly have the fear when she is not with me that she will hit the bottle, go out, and bang other guys cause I know she has done that before me...<< is entirely justified.

Sure, I could reassure you that all will be grand in the future, but I'd be lying. I think that she's broken and it's causing you to behave in an unfortunate manner. Dating an alcoholic who hasn't been sober for a few years is a really bad choice in life.

And none of this has anything to do with the fact that you're punching above your weight. I think her looks are irrelevant to the problem.

[smackie9]

Funny that you leave out such details.... I see you revel in pointing out my mistake in my opinion.....but it was fabricated by your lack of informing us of the true reason for your insecurity about this relationship.

If you want real advice, you need to be real with us, instead of boosting your ego with trying to prove us wrong.

[cuddler]

oh smackie, you are another hater on these message boards and hate your life. You need to find something better to do with your time and find happiness

[smackie9]

oh smackie, you are another hater on these message boards and hate your life. You need to find something better to do with your time and find happiness

Why would I hate my life? I'm not the one who is still struggling with relationships at the age of 35 and unmarried.

[smackie9]

I'm not hating. I think this fear of yours >> I constantly have the fear when she is not with me that she will hit the bottle, go out, and bang other guys cause I know she has done that before me...<< is entirely justified.

Sure, I could reassure you that all will be grand in the future, but I'd be lying. I think that she's broken and it's causing you to behave in an unfortunate manner. Dating an alcoholic who hasn't been sober for a few years is a really bad choice in life.

And none of this has anything to do with the fact that you're punching above your weight. I think her looks are irrelevant to the problem.

Basil you are spot on.

[buster28]

You checked her phone to see she's not contacting other dudes? That's kinda lame.

[AnErin]

Women are used to men hitting on them. She is immune to it. She is not going to leave you for some rich guy.

So if I am tracking right - She is a good looking alcoholic. Do you REALLY want to get so far involved that you two have kids together? Being a lush is a lifestyle. Do you want to deal with that? Surely she is not so pretty that in the future you won't be upset about all the problems her drunkaholic habit will cause.

Also about Mr Tall, good looking, and rich sweeping her off her feet - A man fitting that category and league isn't gonna want some lushard. You are safe.

[cuddler]

Thanks AnErin and yes good looking alcoholic sums it up....scary you say kids as thats I believe what she wants and I vehemently said "you're not ready for them" for a variety of reasons and was pretty brutally honest with her about it(as I am with everything). I straight up said, I'm not ready either and I'm debating asking her about getting on birth control...

She certainly knows that I know about her past lush activities. I straight about brought it up one time and she says that lifestyle is over and just wants me exclusively. But I certainly know at any given time, she can relapse when say I'm away and go to the local pub and bang some other guy. It's happened before in her past(before me) numerous times so I better be special. She slips once, it will be done case closed. I have eyes and ears everywhere in my town. Frankly, I do not trust anyone and if you knew my past, you would understand.

[Boisdevie]

Cuddler - you sound like a dick. Can you put me in with Basil, Smackie and any other haters please?

[HeartIsAching]

It's fascinating that any answer you disagree with is that of a "hater".

[hatesthis]

If she is confident you are the right one for her don't wreck it by being the one who isn't confident about the relationship. That show of insecurity could ruin everything more than some rich guy ever could.