Will this Doctor Ever Trust Me Again, and Be Friends With Me? :'( (long)

[Fjortis]

In order to make my post shorter, I will just say some of the things how they were without going into detail of why and how I know etc..
So basically I was diagnosed with ADHD.
Where they diagnosed me, there is a rule not to get into any kind of personal relationship with patients, EVER (meaning even after the diagnosis/treatment is made).
The doctor who diagnosed me and who determined the medication for me was much older than me.
But in the process we kind of started to really like each other. In a romantic way sort of (again I'm just saying it without explanations why, how, to avoid making it too long)
After the appointments were finished (and we had way more appt-s than necessary), I emailed him and offered to be friends with me.
After some hesitation (he was not allowed, as I mentioned) he agreed.
We started sending each other long emails, just talking about different stuff.
Obviously since I didn't have anything to lose, and he did, he was taking it much slower than I would have liked..
After about a month I said we should really hang out already and he should just let me know if he is up for it.
He tried to put it off a bit, and instead offered to talk on the phone first.
So we exchanged phone numbers and started texting each other as well.
But he was still afraid to hang out with me..
SO in the end I lost my temper with him and did something bad:
I told him that if he doesn't hang out with me I'll call and complain that he's leading me on
I know very bad!
But I didn't actually mean to do that.
Then he got scared, and said in his email some stuff like he just wanted to help me with volunteering, and to not talk to him again..
I got angry and actually did call and complain.. And told him about that..
But then almost immediately I felt so sorry about what I did :'(
I tried my best to make sure that they cancel the complaint.. but I guess maybe they still investigated, because they only called me in a week from hospital and I asked if I really want to cancel my complaint..
I really wanted to apologize..
I told him in an email to please forgive me, that I cancelled my complaint etc.. I also left him a text message and voicemail saying how sorry I am..
He didn't respond
Then I sent another email asking please don't ignore me..
In response to that almost immediately i got a call from his secretary. She told me that he asked her to call me to tell me to not send him any more emails. It turned out though she had no idea what was going on..
Then I decided that maybe I should do it differently.
So I bought him a card and went to where he worked and asked his secretary if I could just give him the card or pass it through her..
The secretary called the security (it wasn't the doctor who asked her though).
So, I didn't end up passing the card. They took me to my own doctor who just said that whatever happened with that doctor is over and that's it.
But when I came home I felt like telling him what I wanted to do, and emailed him and told him what happened..
But in response to that I got this formal email from legal services that if I ever contact him again they will get police involved because my "constant" emails are viewd as harassment etc.
Two weeks went buy..
I did not know if it was because of my complaint that they investigated everything and sent me that email or if it was him who told them to send me that email.
I googled him a few times, and, surprisingly, on the internet, i found his home address..
So I took the risk, and, in two weeks I left him the card in his mailbox.
I didn't know what to expect after that, I didn't want him to freak out about me knowing his address so the next day I decided to show up and at least explain myself..
I met him at his house in the morning when he was going to work.
Surprisingly, he wasn't scared or mad at all, just a bit taken aback by this and sad too, he didn't know what to tell me.
He said he received my card and that yes, he believes I am a good person.
When I began asking him to please talk to me again, he got nervous and just said he really needs to go to work..
Then I sent him an email asking that maybe we could meet and talk (there was a nice place next to his house).
I know that part was stupid.
He didn't respond and
Probably because of that I get a call that he wants to have a meeting with me..
It wasn't just a conversation though, probably he couldn't make it that way if he wanted to.
It was basically, me him, and another woman, head of the department sitting there, and he just talked about the medication he prescribed, and that we cannot be friends because he is much older than me etc, and whenever he got nervous and didn't know what to say the woman would just interfere and tell me that that's it, did I understand?
But it was completely formal and he talked to me as though we never exchanged all those friendly emails for so long etc..
Well, after he left, and we exchanged a couple of words with this woman, it turned out she also had no idea about any complaint or anything..
Back then I was confused, but now it makes sense to me:
He just wanted to, at this point keep me out of trouble, because if he contacted those legal services again, and told them I didn't stop, they'd get police involved.
After that, I waited for two weeks, and then again tried sending him a couple of emails, just like, hi, what's up, and a couple of letters, also casual ones.
The emails and the first letter/card he didn't care, but then I received a warning, this time from ANOTHER source, it was pretty serious.

So for two months I did not contact him in any way and and started to forget about it.
But then, something reminded me of him again, namely, I tried to take more medication that I was prescribed just out of curiosity (because it's amphetamines) to stay awake and study and well.. just out of curiosity.. (and yes, I know it's wrong, but well everyone makes mistakes). but yea, I ended up feeling weird, and called and asked for medical advice, but they sent paramedics, and they did not believe me, and instead of contacting my actual doctor, contacted that doctor again, b/c his name was on the old bottle of that medication that I found ( I found the old empty bottle, couldn't find the new one).

So that reminded me of him, so after the two month i emailed him, just explaining what actually happened and telling him what's new with me in general.. and a txts, just a smiley face, no thing too serious.. he did not respond, but also did not contact any one about it.
So now, I can send him as many emails or texts as I want, he receives them (texts at least for sure, emails, too, what's the point of blocking me if I know his home address anyway),
And I do send him a smiley face or "good morning/evening : ) " every other day, or an email, and if I have a photo shoot I send him my photos. Or just tell him about my day, if I feel upset or happy about something.. He doesn't respond but doesn't tell anyone, i do not receive any more warnings from anyone.
I've been doing it for like a month and half, it just turned into a bit of a habit for me to do that..
Recently, I told him that I am going to send him a Christams card, this time by regular mail, and then I said, actually, I'll just put it in your mailbox, he didn't respond, but again no one contacted me with a "warning" or anything like that..

I think he also got used to those casual emails/txts from me..

At this point, I actually, just want him to be my friend..

Is there a way to achieve that?

Should I maybe wait a little while, maybe till March, when it is warmer, and try to talk to him again in person..
Maybe then he will be ready to trust me again?
Do you think he will then be ready to trust me again?

[searock]

You have serious mental issues. Find another psychiatrist, a woman this time, and stick with her.

[Fjortis]

Wow people on the forum just love telling others that hey have mental issues, whenever it's something that's less than ordinary "does this guy/girl like me?" "how do I ask her out?", they tell the person they have mental issues lol They should really classify "get a life" and "you have mental issues" as just spam already

[Fjortis]

Does anyone have any Actual advice/opinions ? :

[basilandthyme]

Meanwhile, you're wondering whether to meet the 35yo from the internet......and there's that professor you are/were interested in.....

This doctor (if anything you write is true) has no interest in being your friend. He may give you some allowances so that you don't report him, but that's about it.

[Boisdevie]

Does anyone have any Actual advice/opinions ? :

My advice is Find another psychiatrist, a woman this time, and stick with her.

Or failing that what advice would you like to hear?

[Fjortis]

This doctor (if anything you write is true) has no interest in being your friend. He may give you some allowances so that you don't report him, but that's about it.

But it all started so well, and he agreed to be my friend and liked me.. Otherwise why would he talk to me informally in the first place, since he was actually supposed to say no, sorry I can't.. and at this point everyone knows everything, b/c of that complaint, so what is the point of him not telling about me contacting him now for so long already.. if anything, he is even supposed to do that..

[basilandthyme]

I can't tell you why he did what he did....I'm not a mind reader. Go find a female psychiatrist and stick with her.

[Fjortis]

ok, ok, but my question here was, how to make him trust me again, and be my friend again?

[TablesandChairs]

You put his medical career in jeopardy. No doctor with half a brain would risk that again. He was silly to engage with you outside of professional practice to begin with but seems he's learned his lesson.

You cannot be friends. You never will be friends. Stop obsessing, move on, concentrate on your schooling and mental health. Make some friends your own age and move past this, for your own sake. Do not show up at his home, do not send any more emails/texts.

[Wakeup]

How do you get him to trust you again? Keep emailing him and threatening his professional career. He has to be off a little to even have agreed to be your friend so if you keep up the psychotic behaviour, perhaps it will play on his own pychosis and he'll beeeeee alllll over you like white on rice.

Oh yea!

if anything you write is true

[HDBadger]

You're lucky you haven't been arrested. What you did sounds like harassment. Leave the poor guy alone.

[searock]

I think she's actually telling the truth XD... this comes right from her blog: http://elenakomleva.blogspot.it/2013/11/white-people-are-going-extinct-white-people-die-out.html

[Wakeup]

it may be "truth" to her in her delusion.

[DalM0m]

There are reasons that doctors are not supposed to have interactions with patients. In some places it is illegal & the doctor could lose his or her license.

When patients become emotionally attached to the doctor, like you have, it's called transference. The doctor is supposed to stop treating the patient & refer the patient to a different doctor. You have already received a warning to stop contacting him. He is not responding to you. He does not want to be your friend. If you care at all about him, leave him alone because you will ruin his career if you keep this up. You may also find yourself on the wrong end of a criminal charges for harassment.

Based on your inappropriate behavior so far, it find it highly unlikely that this doctor will ever trust you.