Struggling to deal with her sexual past... any guys been in this situation?

[jms31]

I’ve been dating this girl for about a month now, and its the first girl I’ve considered having a relationship with in over a year. However, we were talking a few nights ago when the topic of past sexual experiences came up, and she told me that recently (a few months before meeting me) she had a threesome with two guys, one of which she just met that night.

This hit me like a ton of bricks, as I had no idea she was capable of that, and thought (since we are both in our early 30′s) that she was looking for a relationship, and was not that type of girl. I can handle some wild past experiences, as everyone including me, has done stuff, but this seems to cross a line for me, and I can’t get it out of my head. She assured me she likes me, it was a 1 time thing, and that she’s more turned on by me than she was with that, but still considers this threesome a fun exciting experience and says she has nothing to apologize for.

Should I end it?

[HeartIsAching]

What do you mean, "that" type of girl? Why would that preclude her wanting a relationship?

Why is your insecurity her issue?

[Wakeup]

Break up with her if her sexual history isn't jiving with your sensibilities. There is nothing wrong with not wanting a relationship with someone who isn't compatible with you in morals (of your particular making) or who you feel hasn't similar personal or relationship boundaries.

It's only been a month so back out now. I suggest in future that you get the sexual history question out in the open quickly (which you seem to have done here) and if that history is a deal breaker for you then you just break the deal.

I've found it's a waste of typing to try and tell someone that they are insecure just because they don't like that someone is too free sexually then they themselves are. I don't think it has much to do with being secure or confident but rather it's just a personal boundary that he/she is intitled to. Find someone with the same sexual sensibilities as yourself and you'll be partnering up with someone who is more compatible to yourself.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Just bang her for a while and see how things go. Hell, see other chicks while you're doing it. You're not in a relationship with her, so keep getting to know her and see if you can get past it. Like I said, don't stop seeing other girls.

[smackie9]

If it was a one time thing then nothing to fuss about...she's a mature adult, she was single, she explored a different sexual experience big deal. Would it have been different if it was with a man and another women?? Her with two men a little intimidating to your ego? I can see it if she had a swinger life style, or was a prostitute, then ya deal breaker.

[smackie9]

Me personally I wouldn't have said a thing if I did something like that anyways. Somethings are better left unsaid and kept in the past.

[Boisdevie]

Somethings are better left unsaid and kept in the past.

Yeah, I regret to this day telling my ex-GF about that 'sheep' episode. I even explained that I was drunk at the time but shortly thereafter my GF dumped me. Whoever said honesty was the best policy was talking out of their anus.

[Wakeup]

You are a baaaa-d boy

[michelle23]

Dont bother wasting your time trying to get past it. If it bothers you now, its still gonna bother you in a month, a year.. I would break up with someone who had threesomes in the past because I am a firm believer in monogamy and I would only date someone who has the same views as me. That is my right and it doesn't make me "insecure".

[jms31]

Thanks for the responses... i'm leaning towards ending it at this point. It would maybe be different if it was years ago, and she regretted it, but the fact that it was so recent, and she considers it a great experience just rubs me wrong. And while, yes it is probably hypocritical, it actually does feel different being two guys. I am so much more uncomfortable with that, and just can't handle picturing a girlfriend having done that, especially since one of the guys she had met that night. I do think finding someone a bit less wild would be a better fit for a long term thing. Ugh. Dating.

[anastasis]

Thanks for the responses... i'm leaning towards ending it at this point. It would maybe be different if it was years ago, and she regretted it, but the fact that it was so recent, and she considers it a great experience just rubs me wrong. And while, yes it is probably hypocritical, it actually does feel different being two guys. I am so much more uncomfortable with that, and just can't handle picturing a girlfriend having done that, especially since one of the guys she had met that night. I do think finding someone a bit less wild would be a better fit for a long term thing. Ugh. Dating.

Yeah, kick her to the curb, man. You'll regret it if you don't. Tell her to wait for the garbage truck to come by and they can haul her to the city dump where she belongs.

[dickriculous]

I had no idea she was capable of that

So...you didn't think she was human?

Each and every one of us is capable of things much, much freakier than a little gang bang. I think your head would explode if every woman you've ever met were to be totally honest with you about everything she's done. Especially the seemingly innocent ones.

Don't get me wrong, if she doesn't appeal to you then she doesn't appeal to you, no ****s given from this guy on that subject. I just can't help but to find it a tad humorous that this is so shocking and mind blowing to you

[HDBadger]

It bothers you, and it will likely continue to bother you, so dump her. That's the bottom line.

I'll give you my personal thoughts. Number of sexual partners doesn't mean a whole lot to me by itself. But. I think people --- women especially, because they can get pregnant and are more susceptible to situations that lead to rape --- who have one night stands are not particularly bright. The risks, especially for women, are sky high. To me, a person who has had a true one night stand --- meeting a stranger and having sex with that person the same day --- exhibited horrific judgment. I don't want to date someone with horrific judgment. Yeah, maybe it was only once or twice. But do you want to date some who voluntarily put her life/health in danger, even if it was once or twice? That's the only real reason I would care about a woman's "number."

I wouldn't date a woman who had two sex partners if both of those experiences were one night stands. Conversely, a woman who had 10 sexual partners, all of them either in short or long term relationships, wouldn't bother me.

In your case, the threesome wouldn't bother me. The fact that she did it with a stranger, however, is a red flag.

Take all of this with a grain of salt. What really matters is how you feel.

[violet11]

It bothers you, and it will likely continue to bother you, so dump her. That's the bottom line.

I'll give you my personal thoughts. Number of sexual partners doesn't mean a whole lot to me by itself. But. I think people --- women especially, because they can get pregnant and are more susceptible to situations that lead to rape --- who have one night stands are not particularly bright. The risks, especially for women, are sky high. To me, a person who has had a true one night stand --- meeting a stranger and having sex with that person the same day --- exhibited horrific judgment. I don't want to date someone with horrific judgment. Yeah, maybe it was only once or twice. But do you want to date some who voluntarily put her life/health in danger, even if it was once or twice? That's the only real reason I would care about a woman's "number."

I wouldn't date a woman who had two sex partners if both of those experiences were one night stands. Conversely, a woman who had 10 sexual partners, all of them either in short or long term relationships, wouldn't bother me.

In your case, the threesome wouldn't bother me. The fact that she did it with a stranger, however, is a red flag.

Take all of this with a grain of salt. What really matters is how you feel.

Hello, H.G Wells? Someone from the 1820's just arrived in your time machine...

[Boisdevie]

Tell her to wait for the garbage truck to come by and they can haul her to the city dump where she belongs.

The implication that this woman is garbage is not particularly nice. OK, sexually she has mores which are different to the majority but this does not make her a bad person. What adults do sexually with other consenting adults is their business - if people want to have threesomes or swing then let them - hopefully without all this judgemental stuff.