Torn

[broken71]

Back in April of this year my marriage began to fall apart. After numerous attempts to get him to open up to me and work on our marriage, we got absolutely nowhere. In August, I had enough, I handed my two weeks notice in to my employer, packed my bags and went to stay with my parents who live five hours away. During the time I was gone, which was two months, my husband and I talked, got along better than we had when we were together and decided we wanted to work on our marriage. I moved back home, but yet nothing has changed. There is no closeness in our marriage, no affection, nothing. I feel like he only wanted me back here to take care of the house and manage the bills, etc. He has become even more distant towards me. Finally, after several attempts in asking him what is wrong, he tells me he had developed feelings for a married co-worker while I was away. Why he couldn't tell me this when I was gone, I have no idea. I basically put my whole life on hold for this man. He insists nothing has happened physically between them, because she won't stray on her husband, even though she is not happy in her marriage. I almost feel paralyzed by this, I'm not sure what to do, do I just let it go, go back to work here and just settle, and see what if anything develops with them, or do I leave. We have two children together, one is 18 and in college and the other is 16 and in 10th grade. My youngest child left with me back in August, but wanted to come back to his home to start a new school year. I almost feel stuck because I don't want to be without my son, who does not want to move, but yet, I feel as if I am slowly dying. I don't want to stay in a marriage of convenience, but yet, I don't want to uproot my son, when he shouldn't be the one to suffer because of my unhappiness. My husband is the breadwinner, and my income was just supplemental. I can't ask my husband to leave our house due to the fact I will never be able to afford living here, and yet, I can't even afford my own little place at this time. I feel lost, broken, torn and worthless. My question is how do I continue here when he has feelings for someone else, and she obviously has feelings for him as well. I am afraid it will be a matter of time before they become intimate with each other. What do I do?

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[michelle23]

I think his affair with her began back in April when his behaviour towards you changed and your marriage began to fall apart. I dont think he is being honest with you and you only got a fraction of the truth from him.

I think you should go back to your parents and start again. Ask your son to go with you. I know its hard but you have done it once-you can do it again.

Once a third party enters your relationship-its over IMO. There is no taking that back and the destruction caused to both spouses is too severe. If it were me, I would do whatever is necessary to divorce this man and move on with my life. He chose to ruin it when he got too close to her

[broken71]

I think so too..I just don't understand why he would want me to come back to work on things when he made no effort in doing so. It all makes me sick.

[smackie9]

Get a divorce lawyer and know your rights. You may be entitled to alimony or at least have the house sold and take your portion of the assets.

[smackie9]

btw who is to say they are not having sex??....he's already lying about when this affair started. I suspect he knows how a divorce will destroy him financially.

[michelle23]

I agree-you need to protect you now. Get a good lawyer and start learning your rights. Do whatever is necessary so you can survive. Dont tell him anything until your ready to file for divorce. Sorry your going through this, its hard but stay strong. This is a new chapter